Post # 1
Hi beautiful brides and brides-to-be,
I’m feeling depressed right now. My daughter is getting married on the 4th of July this summer. I ordered my dress and it came today and i feel like crying. I’m 5’2″ and 200 lbs. I look horrible in my dress, I look sooo big. The dress is beautiful, though. I’m apple-shaped, big busted, big tummy, big hips and rear. Arms, thighs, legs and face are not so big. I tried on probably 6 or 7 dresses (gowns) and I liked the style of the one I ordered, thinking I’ll lose some weight and fit it more attractively, but the wedding is 3 months away and I’m still 200 lbs. I’m so ashamed.
My daughter is very supportive and says “mom, with some make-up, a nice hair-do, pretty shoes and a big smile you’ll be beautiful, don’t worry.” Bless her heart, but no matter what I do, I’ll still look really fat. A girdle will not get rid of my apple tummy. 🙁
I don’t want to talk to my daughter about this any more because I don’t want to stress her out, and although I value her kindness, can I please have a pep talk from you brides that it’ll be ok? I keep telling myself everyone kniws I’m fat, and no matter what i wear I’ll look fat, but at least I’ll be fat in a beautiful gown. I’m still not feeling it, though.
I do have time to try on some empire gowns that would accentuate the smaller part of me right under my bust. That’s my last hope.
Can you girls help me feel better, please? Do I have time to go on a very strict diet to lose 30 lbs? At least that’ll make a dent.
Thank you so much if you respond.
P.S. I’m 48.
Post # 3
Oh my gosh, you poor thing!!!! You are NOT “too fat” for your daughter’s wedding. There is no such thing.
If you don’t like the style of the dress you got, can you do some more shopping? i realize that when you feel bad about yourself, shopping can me miserable. But just because one dress doesn’t suit you, doesn’t mean others won’t.
I know this isn’t what you asked, but I don’t think you should try to crash diet 30 lbs by the time of the wedding. That’s really hard on your body, and you’d likely just gain it back. Focus on eating and exercising in ways that make you feel healthy and energetic. Beauty is not about size. It is about how you carry yourself. If you radiate happiness for your daughter on her wedding day, NO ONE will be thinking about your weight. They will be thinking, “what a wonderful mother of the bride!”
Post # 4
Your daughter is right… with all the “trimmings” you’ll look just beautiful on her day! This should be a joyful time for you, not one you should suffer through on some super strict diet!
Shift your focus to healthy eating, and get out and move for at least 30 minutes EVERY DAY! Your skin will start to glow, and you’ll feel better about yourself even if the scale doesn’t move (which it likely still will). Enjoy all the celebrations (engagement party, showers etc…) without guilt!
For inspiration, search the boards here for “plus-sized brides” and you’ll see how goegeous these girls look with their hair and makeup all done 🙂
Post # 5
Trust me, you will be so happy for your daughter and you will just glow the entire day. Please know you’re beautiful!
If you want to just get healthier or to feel stronger, try going for a walk at nights. My mom and I go on after-dinner walks around our neighborhood and she says it makes her feel great.
Post # 6
I am sure you look gorgeous in your dress if you think losing some weight will make you feel better maybe you could see a dietician about meal plans that would work for you do you have any aquafit classes in your area? they are great and very low impact and generally all women.
Post # 7
I am going to be the bride and am very worried about my own weight for the wedding. However, my mom is not the skinniest and I honestly could not care less how chubby or skinny she looks on my wedding day – that’s my mom!
I would believe your daughter when she reassures you she thinks you will look just fine. I know it’s hard to feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror and it’s just not… right… but, such is life. A crash diet isn’t a good idea (as you probably know!)
I would say if it’s an option, go try on a couple more dresses, as of course it’s always nice to feel good in what you’re wearing. At the end of the day, it’s the bride’s day and I don’t think your belly will be given much attention 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
My Momma is a beautiful woman in her 50s who happens to be plus sized (size 26ish). When she asked me what she should wear for my wedding, my response was “Wear something that makes you feel gorgeous.” I think that your daughter would say the same thing. If your current dress isn’t working, go find a new one. You can feel beautiful at any size. And on that day, if you are anything like my Momma, you will be absolutely radiant. The smile on her face was amazing, and she really did look awesome, too! She had never had her make-up professionally done before, and both my hair and make-up artist really worked their magic to help her look and feel like the very best version of herself. It was wonderful to see my Momma looking and feeling so pretty. As a bride, I hope that you can give your daughter the gift of seeing you happy and glowing. It’s such a wonderful thing.
Post # 9
@MamaOfTheBride: Hi Mama!! I actually think you could lose 30 pounds before the wedding if you started eating very healthy and worked out! Do you currently workout?
Post # 10
@MissNoodles: agreed. go to the ‘full-figured’ boards – they have discussions of weight loss woes, but also pictures of curvy women looking just gorgeous all done-did. Plus, if you wear a corset and/or spanks, that will change your appearance as well.
Post # 11
I’m sure you’ll be awesome looking no matter what too!
I weigh about 200 lbs right now, and I’m 5’5. My wedding isn’t until December, but I’m on weight watchers and I could not be happier. I’ve lost about 10 lbs in the last month – without excercising and still going out to eat on occasion, and eating healthier ice creams and dessert.
If you’re that unhappy it might make you feel a little bit better just losing a little bit of extra weight.
Weight watchers still is waving their joining fee for the next week!
Post # 12
Oh, please don’t feel that way! I’m sure your daughter loves you just as you are. My mom passed away a few years ago and I would give anything if she could be here for my wedding. Please realize that to those who love you, you are beautiful, no matter what you may think otherwise! Just don’t be too hard on yourself right now and focus on the joy of the moment. ((HUGS))
ETA: P.S. Also, no crash diets! They’re notoriously bad for your health and you need to be there for your daughter. It’s about HER, and her day. You will look wonderful – have faith in yourself. But the only way to lose weight in a healthy manner is to change your lifestyle, slowly and permanently. Find enjoyable ways to take little steps towards being healthier, one day at a time.
Post # 13
You are going to look radiant on your daughter’s wedding day. You know this. We know this. Your daughter knows this. =)
The fact that you are there for your daughter is all she really wants. She doesn’t want you to change your appearance for her wedding. She just wants you, her mom, there on the most important day of her life. She’s a lucky girl if you ask me.
Post # 14
First of all, your daughter is correct–you will look beautiful on her wedding day no matter what. It is going to be ok. You will get compliments all day not only about your own beauty but your daughter’s as well, and seeing your daughter get married will not only make you feel beautiful, but look beautiful. Joy radiates from a person when she is happy and that joy is visible to other people.
That being said, if you want to lose a few pounds before the wedding, go for it! I have some weight to lose before my wedding (about 15 pounds) and I know how tough it can be. I think the biggest thing is limiting your food intake and making better choices–i.e. less processed foods and more real foods. Don’t try to cut down too much on your calories, because from my experience, I do great for a few days and then completely binge eat and ruin all of my hard work. It’s better to take it slower. If you go to sparkpeople, you can enter your weight and they will tell you how much weight you can lose before a certain date. It’s usually two pounds per week.
Even if you lose, say 10 pounds (which would be WONDERFUL!), you would still be 10 pounds lighter than you are today. Just watch what you eat and try to excerise. In my opinion, lifting weights is great to build lean muscle and reduce fat, when combined with healthy eating and some cardio. Of course, if I could do that all the time, then I wouldn’t be trying to lose weight either!
Stay positive! You are not defined by your weight but by the size of your heart. Don’t ever feel like you have to compromise yourself to reach a certain size. And dont ever feel like you are of less value because you’re not. Best of luck! 🙂
Post # 15
Reading this made me want to cry. My mother has expressed the same thing to me about her weight. She’s always struggled with it. As a daughter of a heavier mom, you ARE NOT too fat for your daughter’s wedding. There’s no such thing!
She’s exactly right- you’ll get your makeup and hair done, maybe have a mani-pedi, and you’ll be gorgeous! Nobody looks bad all dolled up 🙂
As another PP said, I wouldn’t advise any sort of a crash diet- even if you did lose the 30lbs, doing so that quickly could result in your face looking more sunken than thin- no good for pictures. Try to shift your focus to eating foods that make you feel good- fresh, non-processed things, cut out sugar, etc.
Also, since it’s a july wedding, I’m assuming you’re going to be showing a bit of arm. So, get to a gym and have a trainer show you how to begin to use weights to tone those arms up! When you lift weights, it revs up your metabolism and you’ll notice some pounds falling off fairly easily.
Post # 16
Your daughters wedding day is about love! You know she loves you, and you love her. That part being out of the way, you need to love yourself. Find something that makes you love yourself. Accent your beautiful features. Focus only on the positive. If you are just set on changing the way you look, do it the right way. Don’t jump on an unhealthy diet. My mother is a larger lady, 200+ lbs, she has skinny legs and arms, carries all her weight in her middle. Dress shopping was difficult but she has started exercising with a friend. I am also plus sized and I’ve been doing zumba with a group. We are both much happier since we’ve started living healthier. It will take time to lose weight, but your daughters day is about being happy.
Not sure what you mean by “gown”, but this is the dress my mom is wearing. She bought a size 22 or 24, I forget. Hers is knee length but it also comes in ankle length. We chased this dress around for weeks from bridal boutique to Davids bridal, and finally found it in her size at Ross! It looks beautiful on her! The ruffles, at first glance, made her think “oh h*** no!” but after trying it on, she had to have it. It was very flattering.