(Closed) I’m trying not to be angry about this, but failing. BM issue.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would definitely let her know how you feel – make sure she understands this isn’t an option – the dress WILL BE altered.  If she prefers it with the flare, is there anyway the seamstress could “fix” it temporarily for the wedding and then she can have it let out afterwards so she can wear it with the flare?

Post # 5
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would be irritated too because its something that she agreed on before the other two went ahead and got their alterations. And I also understand your point that if anyone should have a different style it should be the Maid/Matron of Honor. It would still look fine if she wore the dress with the flare but that is not the point, its your wedding and it should be the way you imagined it. If she was a good Bridesmaid or Best Man she would just do what she agreed and get it altered.

Post # 6
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Sunshining: well… I’d say you have the right to be angry because she DID agree to it and it’s your and your FI’s wedding.  

You have a couple choices: allow her to stick out like a sore thumb.  or tell her if she doesn’t get it altered, she’s out.  And stick to it.  Or, kick her out now and find someone else.

IF she shows up with it unaltered, she doesn’t get to be in the wedding, in the photos, etc (be sure to inform the photographer of this for the group photos) and be aware this will throw off the wedding party.

I’m sure other bees will have other suggestions, though…

Post # 7
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d be mad too…and If I were you, I would tell her exactly what you said in the 2nd to last paragraph. You’ve tried not to be demanding of her time because you know she is busy. She agreed to have the dress altered into a pencil skirt from the start, so PLEASE, for ONE day, can she just get the dress done the way you agreed upon? Tell her you love a uniform look, and really want your photographs (that you are spending good money on) to reflect your love of symmetry, and are worried one different dress will look off. Are your Maid/Matron of Honor and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man friends with her? Maybe they can talk to her too? I think if you’re nice, but firm about it, hopefully she will realize it’s one day…and that it’s not about her!!!

I don’t get why some BM’s think they can make all of these decisions. I was just in a wedding. We have 3″ heels (I NEVER wear heels because I can’t walk in them). I walked those damn heels down the isle because those were the shoes the bride picked out! I hated my hair..but who cares! Everyone would be looking at the bride, not me anyways! People need to realize the day is not about you..so suck it up and do what she asks..especially if it’s not something outrageous. Your request was agreed upon from the beginning. She had a role in making that decision so she should suck it up and do it!

Good Luck!

Post # 9
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh bridesmaids…I wish I could rewind to the begining and decide not to have any….I sometimes want to slap “me” last October for talking my fiance into it.  Just know you are not alone in the fight against the bridal party…no matter what one is always “too busy” and ” too self absorbed” to even commit to the simplest task. Sorry 🙁 I think we should all get together and randomly slap each others trouble some BM! I’m joking of course…but you are not alone.

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