(Closed) I’m upset–how do I handle it?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Jess1483: Wow… that’s a rough situation! I’m really sorry you are dealing with this.

Has Fiance talked to his parents/grandparents about this?

How does his family feel about it? Is he close with his aunt & uncle (said cousin’s parents)? Could he ask them to persuade the cousin to move the date?

Have you or your Fiance talked to the cousin yet?

I think a phone call is in order to gently remind them that they have scheduled their event on your wedding date and you think it might be putting undue stress on the family.

Ask if maybe they wouldn’t mind postponing a week or so so that you can each attend each others events.

Post # 4
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry!! Tha’s awful! Have you tried asking them? Maybe it was an oversight? Maybe they can still change their date?

 

Post # 5
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with Kat–a quick phone call might clear all of this up.

Post # 6
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Your Fiance should talk to his cousin. If the cousin can’t move the date, you may have to have your reception on another date if you want family to attend. 

How about two days after the wedding so that the family with still be in town?

Post # 8
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@futuremrshc: I think OPs wedding and reception is already booked (meaning they can’t move theirs either).OP also had the date first AND the Save-The-Date Cards sent out prior to the cousin picking this date.

If anyone is moving anything it should be said cousin.

Post # 9
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@KatNYC2011: I agree the cousin should be the one to move, but you can’t make someone do something.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@futuremrshc: I agree, but I don’t think just becasue the cousin won’t move that OP should be forced to move (esp since they had everything set first).

Post # 13
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Jess1483: Oh cousins – I’m dealing with a somewhat similar situation myself – FI’s female cousin decided to get married a couple months after us (1 month after yet another cousin) and has now decided to have her shower 6 days before my wedding, and one week after (another) cousins’ graduation in another state – meaning to attend all three, family have to travel to one state for the graduation, and then another for the shower and my wedding (both in the same area). Essentially, to attend the shower and wedding, people will be making the same trip twice in a week….on $4/gal gas, and three major trips/hotel in three weekends. Incredibly inconsiderate.

If the cousin you are dealing with is at all similar to the one I’m dealing with, they are not going to move their reception and will probably be hostile to you if you suggest it. You mentioned that their immediate family is upset about this, so that means that if they can’t convince them to change it, you won’t have much luck either.  Since you don’t think your invites will be able to go out first, your best course of action might be to call those relatives that you really want to attend your wedding (grandparents, etc.) and just remind them of the date and/or mention hotel options and ask if they’ve made or thought about their reservations.  Hopefully, that can get them thinking about your wedding before the other invites come and they mentally commit to yours first.

 

I’m sorry you have to deal with this – family like this is absolutely no fun to deal with and creates so much stress. Poop on them.

Post # 14
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

SEND YOUR INVITES OUT ASAP (if you can)! In all seriousness, I would try to get my invites out before theirs go out. That may be underhanded, but oh well– they put you and your FH in this situation.

Other than that, my only other advice is that I’d give this some time and let your FH make the final decision about sending a gift or not (since it’s his cousin and you said there is some sort of history there).

And I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this.

Post # 15
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A phone call IMMEDIATELY is in order. I sincerely doubt that they didn’t realize that it was the date of your wedding.

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