(Closed) Immediate Family Only?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We didn’t do this, but both my brothers-in-law did, and as far as I can tell there were no hard feelings. People knew (a) they weren’t well off, and (b) the rule was being applied consistently, i.e. they weren’t inviting some cousins but not others.

p.s. I think you’re doing the right thing including grandparents as well.

Post # 4
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Garden outside our church

Two of my brothers did this–simply because my sisters-in-law (and I imagine my brothers as well) didn’t want it to be too big a deal (concentrate on the marriage rather than wedding). And my mom has 17 siblings, so the moment we open it up, it becomes a circus. No backlash at all, except that some of the cousins felt bad that they’d “missed” the wedding when they got the announcements–simply misreading “announce” for “your presence is requested”… No hard feelings, but we’re not a very close family.

For what it’s worth, if I ever actually make it to the nuptuals, we’re planning on only our priest, two friends, and possibly my parents.

Post # 5
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think what you’re doing is a WONDERFUL idea and I commend you for sticking to your guns and doing what you want and can afford.  I cannot imagine any family getting miffed over this – it’s an immediate famly wedding for pete’s sake!  If they are upset, then they’ll get over it.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@futuremrsndl:  wow sounds like my guest list issues! We’re only having about 20 to 25. That will include….me and my guy, my parents, his parents, siblings, my bro’s fiancé, a handful of friends, and my mom asked for me to invite grandparents although that wasen’t the original plan But I agreed it was the right thing to do. We’re just going to have something small at a near by Irish pub’s party room. I’m pretty much putting all my money into this and don’t have much wiggle room at all

My dads side is over 50 people, my moms isn’t big at all, and my guy barely knows his extended family but its quite large, and were not sure who would be interested. So we are planning to hold a second reception or BBQ or something in the spring/ summer for everyone we couldn’t invite. By then I’ll have a little money saved to do something like that.

But I too am nervous to start telling people and have people ask why they aren’t invited. I would hate to disappoint my friends, cousins, aunts and uncles till summer….but I hate keeping hush hush!

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

if i were to envite my entire family it would be 350+ (no kids) for his 6… yeah so i went with small and emediate which brings it to 70. and everyone understands as long as everyone important is there, no one complained.

Post # 8
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@drmrscol:  OMG, 17 siblings?! How many cousins do you have? 

Post # 9
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee

We had a wedding with only immediate family… about 7 ppl on each side (parents, grandparents, & siblings), a small ceremony with dinner at a restaruant. While some people where upset, most where understanding or just didn’t know about the wedding at all. Neither of us gave in to inviting extra people (it was our day after all) and I feel our day turned out perfect for us, we actually spent 3 hours in total on photos (one hour on family, two hours for us). Our wedding was simple and stress free, and the nicest part was after dinner we were able to go home and crash because honestly I was exhausted by the time we got through dinner. Out of the people that were upset it was mostly friends becuase they wanted to party with us, well I am sorry about I am not spending several thousands of dollars just so they can party and get wasted.

After the weddings I sent out announcements to our aunts/uncles letting them know that we got married, that we chose to have a small wedding and that we could not invite everyone but they were in our hearts during the day. We also sent flashdrives with the cards that had our wedding photos and video on them so they didn’t feel as left out.

We agreed early on that if it was a big deal we would throw a BBQ Pot-Luck reception at a later point for family and friends if everyone was upset, but it was never necessary.

Post # 10
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Garden outside our church

@AlwaysSunny:  I have 40 first cousins on my mom’s side at last count…a few of whom I’ve never met. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ingeborgslilly:  Sounds like we’re doing similar guest lists. No real backlash yet–one of my aunts was initially a little disappointed and some of my grad school friends have been, too. I also declined a shower my mom’s friend offered to throw. Hush hush has pretty much been our approach, though, too! Are you sending out announcements?

Post # 12
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Garden outside our church

@Genuine513:  I love your wedding! I hope to copy yours! (but in the “our families aren’t too thrilled” version)

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