(Closed) Immediate Family Only Due to $ and Friends/Social Media

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you share milestones (like saying yes to the dress) on social media given the circumstances?
    Yes, enjoy your bridal experience, everyone will understand. : (23 votes)
    29 %
    No, that will remind friends that they're not a part of your big day. : (55 votes)
    71 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    7425 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Well I’m going to go against most of the PPs and say, go ahead and post! I enjoy seeing posts like that from people who I’m acquaintances with and I’m genuinely happy for them when I see their posts. If someone doesn’t care they can keep on scrolling. I think a wedding dress is way more exciting than 99% of the other stuff I see on my feed anyways. I’m a little surprised that so many PPs say “no one will care so don’t post it.” Isn’t that true for just about everything else on Facebook? If everyone ONLY posted that they got engaged, got married or had a baby it wouldn’t be much of a social media website. Or what exactly is post worthy for Facebook?

    As for people feeling bad… Really??? You’re going to feel bad that you weren’t invited to a wedding just because you see pictures of it on Facebook? At that point I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with social media.

    Post # 19
    Member
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I had under 50 people at my wedding and didn’t post a single thing about the wedding or being engaged on facebook.  I made it clear to my few friends who were invited that I was keeping all of that off facebook.  I think the friends/family posting on your page about your wedding is worse in making people feel bad.  Sally Smith says “oh you got your dress, can’t wait for the wedding”  People don’t know she is your aunt.  They just think it is a friend that is invited.

    I think it will save you drama in the end.  You won’t have all these people coming out of the woodwork asking about your wedding.

    After we were married I posted a few pictures and that was enough of my wedding on social media for me.

    Post # 20
    Member
    12130 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I think this comes under the heading of don’t brag about what you are wearing to a party in front of those you haven’t invited.  

    Personally, I think the only appropriate posts are “we’re engaged” and “we’re married.” Photos of the reception or anything related to it, such as dresses and invitations all cross a line, IMO.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1320 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    ladyvictoria:  In general, I never cared to see other people’s engagement updates on social media for the same reasons you’ve voiced. I’m happy for them but I’d rather just wait until they post all 200 of their wedding picture to see what the bride’s dress looked like. It was a little obnoxious to see one particular girl’s planning updates every week. Did she do ANYTHING other than think about her wedding?? Maybe 3 people on my FB friends list were invited to the wedding, so we kept the sharing to a minimum so that old friends wouldn’t ask a lot of questions and us have to deal with the awkward, “sorry no invitation for you” moments. You just gotta keep a good balance 🙂

    Post # 22
    Member
    1890 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If you want to share news with close friends like getting your dress, why don’t you just text or email them? Honestly, if I saw a Facebook friend posting info about her wedding planning, and I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I would feel like I was seeing something I wasn’t meant to be seeing.

    Post # 23
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I think most of the previous comments are so strange, but maybe it’s a cultural thing. Here, we share everything about exciting moments in our life. I have 3-4 friends on facebook who are getting married this year and they all post exciting statuses about the wedding. I’m not going to any of their weddings, and I was still super excited for them when they found the dress and when they get another aspect of their wedding planned. I am having a small wedding with 50 guests, and I post all I want about the wedding. It’s YOUR day, you don’t have to play by someone else’s rules or stifle your excitement for fear of offending someone. We only invited immediate family and close friends to our wedding. There are people that are going to be left out, but it doesnt mean we don’t care about them or we are rubbing our wedding in their face by posting about it. Real friends will be happy for you no matter what. I don’t see how posting about it will cause any drama. It’s not like you’re inviting some friends and not others. Its a family only event- no drama there. Be EXCITED! Shout it from the rooftops if you want. It’s an exciting time and it deserves to be celebrated and talked about. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    2180 posts
    Buzzing bee

    No one close to me lives in the same town as I do, so in order to share the wedding planning experience with everyone, I did post things on FB. I also emailed pictures, texted pics, etc to certain people for their advice but I didn’t purposefully not share things on FB because I couldn’t invite all my friends to my wedding. 

    Just like anything I post on FB, some friends may hate it, scroll past it with a huge eyeroll and think or say out loud how dumb that post was and I shouldnt be doing that. That doesnt affect me at all. Post whatever you want on FB, its your place to say what you want to say. If someone else doesn’t like it, they can scroll past it, or unfollow you. Not a big deal. I’m really not sure why anyone gets upset over what someone else posts on there. I have been surprised, but it literally doesn’t affect my life at all and I don’t have to even pay attention to it/them.  

    Post # 25
    Member
    1401 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Don’t talk about a party around people who aren’t invited… That’s a pretty universal rule of thumb. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee

    I personally think you should post what you want. What one bee posts/thinks you should post has no bearing on what YOU do. Its your life. If your friends/family are sick and tired of your posts, then they can keep scrolling, not comment, or block you if its that big of a deal. If its something that makes you happy, then post it. I do think you should make it known that you are having a very intimate wedding with only a few guests, esp to those who you are close to and are planning on being invited. That way it will take away any hurt feelings early on. I personally get excited seeing my friends who post an occassional count down to their wedding, or about a shower or whatver they are doing wedding realted. I may bot be invited, but that doesn’t mean Im not excited for them! Im not that selfish of a person. I say do what makes you happy. 🙂

    Post # 27
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    A few things come to mind about this. For one thing, why do you want to share this experience with people who aren’t invited? Like, “please be excited for me, tell me how pretty my dress is, etc. but you’re not invited.” I think that’s just attention seeking and a little mean. Especially for people like your best friend or close co-workers that have no idea that they aren’t invited yet. 

    Your wedding doesn’t matter to anyone but you for the most part. Legally a 2 minute ceremony at the courthouse is all that is required, anything aside from that is a party. Don’t talk about a party in front of people that aren’t invited. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    1218 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Honestly, I don’t see the necessity or even relevance of updating facebook/instagram/snapchat about your wedding dress search.  First, no one cares that you “said yes to the dress” – especially if there are no pictures.  I promise.  

    Post # 29
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I am having a small wedding with 20 guests consisting only of immediate family, best friends, and grandparents. I have chosen to keep it very private and off social media, except for our engagement (which I sort of regret posting as well). So far, despite people not saying anything to my face out of respect for our choice, it is apparent that many people’s feelings have been hurt when they realized that they are not invited to the wedding, particularly my aunts, uncles, and friends. I honestly think this is the best way to go, because I personally can’t stand the thought of my loved ones who have not made the guest list feeling disappointed or hurt when they see frequent updates re wedding planning, picking dates, choosing dresses, etc. I am pretty sensitive, but I think I would be a little hurt too if the tables were turned. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I would say no–and it has nothing to do with whether or not people “care” about our wedding or not. There are actually a few reasons:

    1. As PP have said, you don’t discuss a party with those who aren’t invited. Posting wedding details = discussing a party.
    2. I want my dress, as well as most other details of our wedding, to be a surprise! A few people have expressed frustration that I haven’t shown them my dress. The only person who’s seen my dress is my mother, and the women at the shop.
    3. I don’t want to hear others’ opinions about what we’re going to do. That goes from the dress and honeymoon, to the food and flowers. Most of these people already had their own damn weddings!
    4. It’s basically no one’s business if they’re not invited. Because of the gigantic family I have, we had to make some deep cuts. It would have been downright rude to not invite cousins, when they make up a good chunk of my Facebook friend list, and then post incessant details about the wedding.

    Don’t get me wrong–I LOVE social media. FH and I moved to the West Coast recently, and it’s been a good way to maintain relationships with a 3-hour time difference and a 6-hour flight. It’s been great to reconnect with people, and stay connected to people. But, I love boundaries and my privacy even more.

    The topic ‘Immediate Family Only Due to $ and Friends/Social Media’ is closed to new replies.

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