(Closed) Immediate family who do not get along with each other, at your wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6222 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It’s your sister’s problem, so I would ask her what she would prefer.

Post # 4
498 posts
Helper bee

@WaltzDreams:  Tell them that both of them are invited. You hope that they can make it and you expect both of them to behave themselves  (i.e . not argue there- they can ignore each other if they want).  It is not just your sister’s problem in that it is usually both parties that caused the estrangement but it is not your problem. As long as they don’t brawl Gypsy Sisters style at your wedding you need to just concentrate on your wedding.

Post # 5
2601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

To avoid conflict for seating consider long banquet tables (they can sit at either end) and/or a sweetheart table for you and Fiance so that there’s no “hierarchy” and they can be at completely separate tables. 

I think that you have to allow your sister and your dad to be adults–as they SHOULD be–and as adults, they should be able to either handle being in public in relative proximity to each-other wihtout causing a scene OR they should have the sense to know that they CAN’T do that and decline. 

Your next line of defense is to allow each one to bring an SO. 

Third, think about appointing someone burly and authoritative whose job it is to handle things if they DO start to cause a scene. That shouldn’t be your problem on your day. 

Post # 6
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Invite both.   You can seat them at different tables or not in each other’s line of sight. But they are both family and should both be invited.  It is up to them to act like adults, especially at a wedding which is a special event.  


My dad hates my mom (divorced over 10 years) and this was a HUGE stresser for me prior to the wedding.  I was worried that he wouldn’t talk to her, that he would leave the events early, that he would be difficult, etc etc. (He HAS done behavior like this in the past)  He actually ended up being on his BEST behavior and was polite, talkative and stayed for all of the events.  I prayed so hard over it and it was the best gift I could have received.  

Sometimes we overly stress ourselves out over family stuff. Its good to be aware that there is a problem, and have a plan in place to deal with it, but don’t stress yourself out about it overly so.  

Post # 7
47 posts

Agree with PPs, they are both adults, let them handle it. If it was me, I would let them both know that they are important to me but to suck it up because this day isnt about them.  Its a day for your and your FH, don’t let their situation make you feel tense, or uncomfortable. 

Post # 8
10396 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I would seat them at different tables, perhaps your sister with cousins or friends and your dad with family members closer to his age.  Invite them both and expect them to behave like civilized adults.  If you are concerned, I’d ask them to keep their personal issues to themselves for the day out of respect for you and the occasion. 

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