Post # 1
Hi bees, I posted my saga in another post so this isn’t about me. Specifically, I wanted to hear from bees who had waiting resentment prior to engagement and how that affected the relationship POST engagement, both short term and long term? Was there anything that made things better? Did you ever completely get over it? How did it looks immediately after engagement and months and years down the road?
Post # 2
I wouldn’t say I was resentful but I was getting tired of waiting. We were coming up on 5 years, and I didn’t think it was in sight, but logically I understood with his job situation that he wouldn’t be buying a ring anytime soon. I tried not to be upset, but the reality was every dinner, anniversary, night out or event I was expecting it and would cry silently at night when it didn’t happen. Of course it came on a random Wednesday night in our living room and was perfect and immediately any frustration was gone. In hindsight I’m glad we did what we did, sometimes I think my husband is a great balance for me and slows me down. I would’ve married him day one, he makes me be patient and get past the honeymoon phase. Now it’s the same type of thing with TTC, I’d do it today, he is helping me be patient because it’s not financially responsible right now.
Personal saga aside, in my opinion, if there is true resentment built, I question if the relationship can ever get past it. I never had resentment, I was just sad and frustrated as everyone else “passed us by” even though I logically understood why we weren’t there yet.
Post # 3
Any resentment completely disappeared after the proposal.
We had been together for 6.5 years. He had told me after a year that he wouldn’t even consider it till year 3. I thought that was fair. Life happens. I remember crying about it, especially when seeing other people who had been together for a shorter time get engaged.
Now, it all seems so silly.
Post # 4
It’s not exactly what you are asking, but I had the waiting resentment in my first marriage and then it was all love and wedding planning basically from the moment we got engaged, then we had the honeymoon period…a bit after that shit started to hit the fan and I felt the same way I did while waiting.
in the end, the relationship was not strong enough to last. The engagement made me blind to the problems and I ignored them for the time being. Then once life started to settle from all of the excitement, the relationship crumbled.
We separated about 2.5 years later, divorce took just under a year. Best thing to ever happen to me (I think he would agree).
Post # 5
Helpful topic — following, and thanks sharpshooter for sharing your experience.