Post # 1
So, I had to invite a lot of kids to my wedding (ranging at ages 1-16) because I just have a huge family. I didn’t invite all kids to my wedding though, and I didn’t realize this would be an issue until someone called Future Mother-In-Law and asked if they could bring their kids. I know that it’s better to have an all-or-nothing rule, but in my defense, a large portion of the “kids” being invited are my half brothers/sisters (still children as I am the oldest), cousins, FI’s niece and nephew. The only exception I made was the baby of a close family friend. Am i justified in doing this, or should I prepare for a meltdown when people show up to my wedding and see all of the kids there? It’s just very difficult to try to keep numbers down and include everyone. I feel like such a jerk.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
If I understand correctly, you only invited children of family, with the exception of one baby?
Then you should be fine. Most guests will understand that wedding lists have limitations, and the best way to limit is how you did it- family only and infants. It’s okay to tell people no, we can’t include your child. Just be prepared that FMIL’s friend may not come to the wedding, etc., because you didn’t include her kid.
Post # 4
Well, the woman who called is a second cousin on FI’s side. We could only extend the plus kids option to our cousins. At a certain point, we have to draw the line. (MANY of the couples we invited have kids, and my guest list would probably double if I extended the invite to all of them.) I am totally prepared for people to be unable to show up as a result of this. It may sound insensitive, but I have reached the point now where I rejoice in seeing a “no” RSVP come in the mail! Being a bride has made me too busy to be sensitive to all of the feelings/drama that come with having a wedding. Lol.
Post # 5
I think you should be prepared from some hurt feelings and maybe some uncomfortable questions. Whilst it’s perfectly reasonable to draw the lines at some family circle (i.e. kids of sisters/brothers/cousins but not of second cousins or friends), many folks will not be able to interpret those family line boundaries just by looking at the kids. All the guest will know is that their kids are at home, at your request, but there are still kids running around.
This does not mean don’t do what fits your plans and budget; just be prepared for some fallout, simply because those guests can’t read your mind.
You may want to consider extending the invite to all kids if you get enough No rsvp’s back.
Post # 6
I’m prepared for hurt feelings, but hoping people will be understanding. After planning a wedding on my own, I will never get hurt feelings in future weddings re: decisions not to invite me, my kids, etc. It sucks to have to make all of these difficult decisions and be confronted with the people who are hurt.
Post # 7
I feel for you… it is indeed a tough place to be drawing up a Guest List when one has a good sized family that is multi-generational and trying as best as one can to keep costs down. Inevitably no matter how you “jig it” someone ends up getting hurt.
Another reason in my mind, WHY Wedding Ceremonies for ALL and Receptions for Adults Only, are the best way to go.
Then there is a clear-cut message. EVERYONE can come out and see us married (technically the important part)… BUT in order to be fair as possible, and invite as many people as we can, our Reception will be Adults Only.
Post # 8
@sbottiani: I like your attitude!
You’ve got a decisive cut off point (children of first cousins invited, end of story) and you’re willing to accept that some people aren’t going to like it. If you make one exception, you’re going to be bullied to make another…and another…and so on.
It’s your wedding, and while it’s nice to be able to accommodate every single person on the planet, it’s just not realistic.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! It’s easy to get lost in the stress of all of this. I feel a lot better about this now.
Post # 10
Also be sure to remember that you are not repsonsible for their feelings.
It is totally understandable that every couple has to draw the line somewhere. If these people who have a child or children are married, they should be the first to understand that. Their line nay have been drawn at a different place than yours, but I assure you that at some point they had to draw a line. After all, I wasnt invited!
Have your family help to spread the word that the line was drawn at the “first cousin” level so they can maybe adjust to the idea before the wedding.