(Closed) important wedding day…X10

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t really see what the one has to do with the other…?  I’m keeping my name too, and it has nothing to do with not respecting or honoring his family, any more than him not taking MY last name has to do with his respecting my family! 

Post # 5
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

DON’T PANIC. 😉

Are these concerns his parents have, that he has, that you have, or all of the above? Or are they concerns that you are afraid his parents will have, but you don’t know yet?

 

Post # 6
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Do you have to hyphenate your kids’ names? Not doing that might be a good compromise, as your children are going to be the ones carrying on the family name, anyway.  Plus, that’s a lot of name for a kid to carry around, you know? What if you have a little girl who ends up getting married and wanting to hyphenate her name?  Now she’s got three! Maybe giving them your last name as a middle name?

I’m a professional too and while I’m really excited to take my FI’s name, I’m still struggling with whether or not to keep my maiden name professionally.  A lot of my collegues have taken that approach as a compromise (this is assuming, of course, that the only reason you’re not taking his name is due to professional reasons, as that’s what you said in your post.)

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

You are keeping your last name as is but hyphenating the kids?  You could always just give the kids his last name.  Or just keep your name professionally.  You don’t have to broadcast it that you are keeping yours.  For example, my cousin just got married about 2 years ago.  We all just assumed the new wife had taken his last name.  It wasn’t until my aunt was housesitting for them that she noticed mail was still in both names.  And I addressed their invite as His and Her His Last Name and then received the RSVP that HerFirstHerLast and HisFirstHisLast were coming.  In almost 2 years no one knew not even his mom. 

Post # 9
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Why can’t you take his name in the non professional arena…  I have a friend who kept her maiden name at work, but uses her married name for all the kids friends, and her driver’s license etc.

eta. just saw the last post you put….. well I’m sure if he’s fine with it, they may not care after some time, it’s not like they address you as both names all the time.

Post # 10
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Nope, not at all. He’s fine with it, so hopefully he can help deflect some of the flack.

Post # 11
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That didn’t answer the question about why you have to hyphenate the kids names though.  I think that might cause more problems with your DH’s family than your name.

ETA: out of curiosity, what’s your profession?  

Post # 12
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

“FI is the last man in his family that can respectfully carry on his family name….”

Can you elaborate on what this means? It sounds like there are others to carry on the family name, but they estranged or kooky, or both?

You’ve gotten some good advice here–if your in-laws call you Mrs. LastName, it’s up to you whether to correct them, or ignore it to keep the peace. If you are willing to accept using his last name socially, I would tell them that if the issue of legal name changing comes up. I am not changing my name, and haven’t even gotten married yet, but am already getting mail addressed to HisName and MyName with HisLastName. Assumptions about these things in the 21st century make me a little crazy, but there is no ill-intent so I keep my  mouth shut.

That said, my husband is the last to carry his family name, so I have agreed that any children will carry his last name only.

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