Post # 31
He probably he meant what he said..if he doesn’t walk you he won’t come. For some reason this is really important to him and he has been looking forward to it. Probably because he will be in the spotlight.
I think your decision to have your mom walk you will influence your future relationship with him in that it will be more strained than ever. If he does walk you nothing will change and if he doesn’t than he will be even worse.
Post # 32
your dad talking about destiny just makes me think of them talking about the ‘glowstick of destiny’ in avengers… but in all seriousness, i hope you don’t cave. i hope you let him know how its going to be and end the conversation. its not a discussion, his feelings don’t count here.
Post # 33
It’s all about him 24/7 and he sounds extremely likely to change.
He wants to be publicly honoured in walking you down the aisle, whether it’s for show, or because his puffed-up ego thinks it’s his due, or even as smugness in taking the honour away from your mom.
He doesn’t deserve to be honoured and IMO he’s damn lucky even to be there as a guest because he doesn’t even seem deserving of this much.
It speaks volumes that he’s willing to cause drama and hurt and stress for you right before his wedding in an effort to manipulate you into giving him his way.
Frankly, I wouldn’t give him an invite let alone walk you down the aisle or a father daughter dance, when it’s a tradition for a role he hasn’t fulfilled. He sounds incredibly toxic, I think it would be emotionally healthy for you to cut him out of your life entirely- and that’s not something I suggest lightly when it comes to family.
Post # 34
He’s still trying to manipulate you. Don’t let him. You don’t want to look at those pictures in years to come and feel the regret and frustration of giving in to him. Yoy aren’t responsible for his behaviour. If he decides not to come that’s on him, and it doesn’t sound like it would be any great loss.
Post # 35
please cut him out of your life, don’t expose future childen to his toxicity
Post # 36
honeyBee17 : I’m so sorry you have to go through this. If it were me, I’d regret not having my mom there. It sounds like your wedding would benefit from his absence honestly.
Post # 37
honeyBee17 : go with your gut bee. If it’s telling you to only have your mum do it, go wth that. He sounds like a waste of space (but very easy for me to say that as an outsider)
Post # 38
Tell him no thank you and to rot in hell. Your wedding will be much better without his toxic influence anyway. Have your mother walk you down the aisle AND dance with her instead of your father, too. There is no law that says she can’t!
Post # 39
I wanted to thank everyone. Even though I don’t know any of you, having such unanimous votes, and helpful advice made all the difference. I stuck to my choice to have only my mom walk me, and told him I really wanted him to come still. He said no. He isn’t coming, and I’m okay with it. Like many of you said, anyone that would do this to me and make this decision shouldn’t be there anyway. Moving upward and onward 🙂
Post # 40
You’ve described my dad exactly – “Your mother brainwashed you against me” sociopath to a t. I am also estranged from my father and I am not inviting mine to my wedding. I would not let him walk you down the aisle – I think if you look back at photos and see him walking you down the aisle it would ruin it for you. I think you should be true to your feelings. Ask your real parent to walk you down the aisle and then your sperm donor won’t come. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a win/win.