Post # 1
My Fiance and I have been engaged for little over a year now. We have been putting off setting a wedding date for two big reasons, one money and two my parents very recent and ugly divorce.
However, we have saved enough money for a wedding now, and we just about to announce the we had set a date when his parents dropped the divorce bombshell on us. To top it off, his mom wants to move in with us.
My parents are still going thorugh their divorce and with added stress of his I am wondering if it is even worth trying to have a wedding.
It is something we both want, pictures and memories of. However, we don’t want to wait any longer. We don’t want ct. house wedding either. Elping means our firends couldn’t be there. At this point I am hurt, sad and mad. We have both stuck by our families and picked up the pieces over the years, running to evey call for help and handing our money, and now that it is our chance to build a life together, everybody is still so dependent on us.
Not to sound selfish, but honeslty when is everybody just going wake up and let us live, without us having to take care of them.
Bottom line should we try to have a wedding, or just write it off? Any advice at this point would be welcome!
Post # 3
@ssers001: You should have a wedding without a doubt. Why put off your dreams? I understand it might be awkward but both sets of parents still have somethings in common, or at least they should. That being wanting the best for their children and wanted too see their kids (you and the future hubby) happy. They may need to be reminded that even though they are going through a divorce they still need to focus on you and your wanting to get married. It isn’t selfish on your part to want your special day. In fact it would be selfish for them to put their troubles ahead of your happiness. You may have to have a meeting with all of them or write them each a letter expressing your honest feelings.
Post # 4
I have parents that went through a horrific divorce, and who still drag their issues out at family events where they are forced to mingle. It’s actually the only part of my wedding I regret – that they had to both be in the same room together.
If either sets of parents are going to cause drama/cause you two anxiety about possible drama leading up to a wedding, I would really recommend nixing the wedding in favor of an intimate eloping somewhere fabulous.
If I had a re-do, we would have eloped in Iceland or New Zealand, just the two of us. It would have saved me from having my mother scream at me for the week leading up to the wedding, and the drama dance at the wedding.
Post # 5
Set the boundaries! People are trying to move in on you and asking for money? At some point, you have to stop giving and giving if you’re not getting anything in return (and I don’t mean money in return, I mean piece of mind, respect, support, etc). Sit down with your Fiance and write down all the things you’d be happy to give to parents: a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk to, a place to stay for 1 week, $20 total ever, etc. Whatever you decide it is, it is and stick to it. I would personally wait 1 wk-1month to announce an engagement after a parental divorce announcement, not for etiquette, but for me being uncomfortable saying it. Don’t change your wedding date.
Post # 6
@MrsBroccoli: Agreed wholeheartedly.
Talk with Fiance, set a plan that you both agree on (and discuss the hypothetical ‘what would make us change our plan’ things that could come up) and then stick to it. If the parents all need a reminder that this is about you two, not their issues, just set that out there. Sometimes blunt honesty is the fastest way to get the point across. Sort of like ripping off the bandaid. While they’re all going through tough times, they are adults, and they need to realize that they can take care of themselves just as well as you could. Extra pressure/strain on you two is not good for anyone.
You two deserve a happy wedding that you’ve been looking forward to, and they should be able to set aside their issues for at least 4 hours (ceremony and dinner) and let you two have your enjoyable day.
Post # 7
This has been really reassuring! I appreciate the support and Ideas so so much. I think most of you are right, some boundaries need to be set. We just have to fin dour voice and set them!