Post # 1
Growing up, there was no grey area. You were either a good person, or a bad person. You could be a good person, until you said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing, and then you were a bad person. All of those years of doing good were completely wiped out by one wrong move.
As you can imagine, this led to an inability to accept, or forgive, myself for any perceived mistakes that I made. That one wrong move would destroy how other people saw me. That I made wrong moves and said the wrong things because I was just a bad person. Anything less than perfection in myself was unacceptable.
This year surprised me. It took me 33 years, but I’ve learned that people and emotions are so complex. I’ve felt a fire in my heart this year that I never knew I had. I learned that I can love someone with all of my heart, but still be annoyed as all hell by things that they do 😂 It’s surprising to think that it took me so long to see these complexities, but given my background, it probably isn’t.
In turn, I’ve started to think of myself as complex. That maybe others see me the way I see them. That maybe I am loveable, and one wrong move, one bad day, one regrettable thing said, will not change their love for me. That they love all of me.
I have a long way to go but I look forward to continuing my journey of self love in 2019!
Tell me the good that 2018 has brought you!
Post # 2
For the past 4 years I’ve dealt with a now ex boyfriend who all he did was cheat on me and waste my time. It has taught me so much.
– most importantly, that I can be an independent woman who don’t need no man! Lol
– to love myself more
– that I should never ignore the warning signs and if I ever have a bad feeling about someone to just trust it
– never settle for less
– I deserve everything I’ve always dreamt of and then some
these May be little things to most but to me they’re big things because after being put through so much the last 4 years I’m ready for a complete change and I’m glad I’m going into 2019 without that person.
Post # 3
2018 has been my worst year yet but I am trying to take the lessons from it. I learned to be intentional in the moves I make and try not to act rashly out of panic, fear, and desperation. I am a major planner and, until this year, my life has gone exactly according to plan. I realize now that this was bound to happen eventually and I need to be more calm and present in how I react to the unexpected.
Wishing a great 2019 for everyone!!
Post # 4
I learned that I really do have a passion for travel. I want to see so much of this world. We got back from our honeymoon and pretty much started planning our next trip.
I learned that my parents did a real number on me, and I work every day on fixing myself.
I learned that I make a really great partner with my husband. With him I feel like there isn’t anything we can’t handle.
Post # 5
That taking an ex back is a waste of time.
That I need to value myself more.
That putting others above myself will result in me getting very badly hurt. It needs to be me first, always.
Post # 6
2018 was one of the worst years of my life. We were diagnosed with infertility and endured the heartache and stress that comes with that month after month… including a failed IVF cycle, all while trying to complete my thesis.
In 2018 I learned that I’m stronger and more resilient than I ever could be, and I also learned that my marriage is rock solid. I’m thankful every day for what I do have, even if we don’t have a baby.
I also learned that it is well worth ruffling some feathers in order to keep toxic family members out of my life. Best decision ever.
Post # 7
The “all good/all bad” phenomenon you describe is known as splitting. It is a common defense mechanism, especially with childhood abuse survivors.
Dividing people into all good or all bad diffuses some of the anxiety around the discovery that someone in your life has faults and bad traits along with all of the good stuff. For the splitter, it’s not possible to unify these polarities into a cohesive whole. As you might expect, this wreaks havoc with relationships.
But, Bee! Not only are you now able to correctly identify splitting for what it is; you have realized that you have been using it against yourself. Oh, Bee! I am so excited for you! This such a big leap forward in your abuse recovery.
Now, you are integrating more and more parts of yourself. That’s the main goal of recovery.
I really hope you will find a way to celebrate this incredible achievement. And, please remember to honor yourself, Bee.
Many, many congratulations!
Post # 8
What kinds of things have you been doing to learn to value yourself more? Have you read anything you would like to share? Did you try counseling? Journaling?
What do you feel has helped you the most?
So many Bees struggle with this issue. Maybe telling us about your experience will be helpful.
And, good work, Bee, just on recognizing that you have tremendous worth.
Post # 9
2018 has taught me to be kinder to myself and to not give up on myself. I went from not getting into a single doctorate program the cycle before and getting to a very depressed state, to getting accepted to 4 PT programs this year. One of which was my dream school. Never in a million years did I think I was even worthy of being here, yet here I am now actually doing quite well in school!
And once I got to school, I went through the mindset of ‘can I actually do this, are you even smart enough.’ Now I’m surviving and thriving. All with the support of my amazing husband, I simply couldn’t do it without him
Post # 10
2018 taught me several things. To realize my potential and self-worth, that I am intelligent and a strong woman. That my body is amazing and has the ability to heal itself and I am proud of that. To appreciate wellness and value health, its everything. I connected with my spirtuality on a different playing field. Always trust my gut when something feels wrong. How to come out of a serious rut, not give up on people and realize you never know how much you may mean to others.
Sidebar I learned how to use my kitchenaid, decorate our old colonial in style and how to have the marriage we’ve always dreamed of
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
2018 was good to me in a lot of ways.
I finally offically got engaged. We went an entire year without my kid going to inpatient treatment (long story, but for the previous several years she was in the ER/inpatient treatment for various mental health issues at least once, and sometimes twice per year). Work took a few weird turns that were unexpected, but ultimately ended up great (but SUPER stressful at the time).
I also did some pretty hard work learning to navigate that sometimes very fine line as a mom between support and enabling, thanks to some great therapy helping me realize what my fears/anxiety about hard boundaries and “tough, but fair, love” really stem from. I learned the heartbreaking and terrifying, but necessary, lesson that I need to teach my kids (all ages 16 and up) to eventually not NEED me anymore. I also did a lot of work on communicating with people who have different styles of communication than I do, ie my fiance lol. There were several occasions when I had to push myself to do things I did not know if I was capable of doing, and I succeeded in all of them, so that was awesome.
It was definitely a year of growth and enlightenment for me, even the parts that were really tough to navigate. I’m really excited to see what 2019 brings!!
Post # 12
- Wedding: January 2020 - Germany
I learned that my mental health is more valuable than money…quit my job and while money is an issue sometimes it was still a good decision!
Congrats to all the Bees discovering their inner strength, you got this 😀