(Closed) In a long term relationship but not married… why do people call me SINGLE???

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m engaged and it still offends me. I had to check off a box at the doctors asking my marital status and I thought, I’m not single but I’m not married…why can’t there be another option?

I had someone at work make the ‘single’ comment to me once and I was so pissed. I do find it offensive. Long term relationship does not = “single!”

Post # 4
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

I would have corrected her. Technically you’re not even single.  Your living common law and he is your spouse!!

I had a similar thing when i went to a work party with my SO for his office recently.  One guy introduced me, “This is Mr. Rush and this is his…girlfriend? Are you his girlfriend? What are you now?” then he looked at my hand to see if there was a ring. 

UGH i am soooooo sick of those situations.  Take the hint darling Mr. Rush…its time!

Post # 5
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This drives me crazy too. I’ll be offically married in July, but we’ve been together and lived together the same amount of time as you and your SO.

I just chalk it up to flat rudeness. Some people seem to take on a ‘holier than thou’ attitude once they are married. I generally ignore those types of comments — but I must say, even the forms get to me sometimes. I’m often tempted to create my own box! LOL ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Rush1986: Actually depends on the state whether you are common law or not. In NYS you have to be living together 7 years for common law to automatically kick in. I know this because my Darling Husband used to joke that if we just lived together 4 more years we wouldn’t even have to worry about a proposal and getting married (we lived together 3 years before getting engaged).

Anyway… I agree that sort of stuff is annoying. Darling Husband and I were together 6 1/2 years before getting engaged and being referred to as “single” or asked “are you still just his girlfriend” during that time did wear my nerves rather thin after a while.

But in the end I tried not to let it get to me since I knew what my relationship was and what Darling Husband and I meant to each other.

Post # 7
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Lots of people consider a person single until married.

Post # 8
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

I get annoyed by this too. I hate when I have to check off the single/married box on a form. I always want a write in option hah

Post # 9
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Every form I’ve ever seen lists the option “single” and it’s supposed to encompass every possible relationship except for “married”, “widowed” or “divorced”.  I think it’s easier sometimes for people to group people into these categories that we so frequently see.

Don’t let it bother you.  I’ve been with my guy for 8 years – only one of which we’ve been engaged.  People have called me single even though they know I’m with him. 

Post # 10
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Usually single means not being married. Technically you are still single. I’m engaged and technically I have a promise of marriage until that wedding day, or you can say I’m spoken for as the older folks would say. Unfortunately, only titles there are include, single, seperated, married, divorce or widowed.

Post # 11
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

I wasn’t offended when I used to hear that. I think they mean it ‘legally’ and not ‘relationshipwise’ I know my friends never referred to me as single when I was with Darling Husband for years (and years it seemed :)) Asking someone to fill out a form on the other hand, I don’t see what’s wrong with that. If it bothers you that much, you can gently tell them ‘Cuz, you know I’m not single. I’ve been with Matt for 5 years’

Post # 12
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ooh, that would drive me nuts! I haven’t had this happen to me but I would definitely be seething inside. Maybe you could just laugh and ask “So, how’s married life with kids treating ya?”…

Post # 14
Hostess
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We got that a lot, too. And I agree with what others have said — it’s so sad to have to check “single” on forms when you’re engaged.

But let me tell you — the first time you get to mark “married” on a form, you’ll be so excited! We had to fill out an agriculture form when we landed in Maui on our honeymoon, and that was the first time I got to check the “married” box. Awesome feeling!

Post # 15
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

While it is annoying, it was really nice to have things like this to feel special about once I was married. I really looked forward to checking the “married” box and finding the “mrs.” title.

Legally you are still single. Like you can’t check out your SO’s medical records and he doesn’t need your permission to blow through his retirement account. (I find it funny that now that we’re married, he has to have my permission for that, yet he could potentially blow through our savings account and not need permission).

Post # 16
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@GingerSnap28: You are “single” until you get married. A “committed” relationship is when you are engaged outside of that you are dating and “single.” These are ways I define things, its not the law and some people obviously feel/think differently. I don’t think she was trying to be offensive.

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