Post # 1
I need some advice. I am a fairly regular bee but don’t want anyone to put it all together so I created a new profile. My husband and I have been married a litlte over a year before that we were dating 3 years and have now known each other 10 or 11 years. We were really good friends before dating.
I feel like we are in a huge rut and I don’t know what to do. When we first started dating he was super romantic and would surprise me etc. Everything about our relationship was perfect. Fast forward to now and he is so busy. He has taken on more than he can handle right now and I am the one suffereing. He leaves for work before me and usually gets home from classes after. We bought this great house last year and I spend most nights/weekends alone in it. I am proud of him for the things he is doing but I miss him! Part of what is keeping him busy is required for work and the other was by choice.
I don’t know the last time we were intimate and its really starting to get to me. I feel guilty saying anything because I know he is really busy and he keeps telling me I am number one in his life and he misses spending time with me too. I am beginning to resent him and I don’t want to. When he has time with me he goes to bed early because he says he is exhausted from a long week or day.
I know married life isn’t all sunshine and roses I get that but I don’t want to already be this way and resenting him. Should I say something to him? Or wait it out till the end of the year he keeps telling me it will get better then.
Post # 3
@helpbee123: I have a question and two suggestions-
1) Why wait until the end of the year? Is it because this is when his classes is over?
You say that you’ve moved into a wonderful new house. Are there any home projects that you can focus on for a while? Maybe that would help. Also, how about some after work classes for you as well? Maybe if you had something to do as well after work it would not feel like you in the wonderful new house all the time.
I’m going to assume that he has long days but maybe there is some time on the weekends? This is where I’m going to suggest that you take matters into your own hands. He used to be super romantic and now he’s too busy to be romantic. Maybe you can be romantic! If he’s busy, maybe you can make his favorite meal and he can sacrifice at least 30 mins-1 hour to eat with you and get frisky. It’s simple, but could this help?
Post # 4
@helpbee123: I would give him the heads up about how you’re feeling even if he can’t make any big changes right now due to his schedule. You can express it in a non-accusatory way. Resentment is a relationship killer! Don’t let it stew for another 2+ months.
Post # 5
@sept22insf: +1. I can’t emphasis how important communication is. Don’t leave it until it is too late.
Post # 6
He is done with class at the end of the year so I figured things would change then. I have tried to stay busier but I would go crazy if I was as busy as he is!
You guys are right I shouldn’t wait. He has class all day today and tomorrow so I am going to make something nice for dinner for when he gets home tomorrow and surprise him. Hopefully we can talk more and things will get better.