(Closed) In a tough spot. Need advice.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
184 posts
Blushing bee

It doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship now and Im afraid its only going to get worse. The signs are there, and its time to start fresh without him.  

Post # 20
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

So you love him. And you’re unhappy. You tell him and then magically, he’s ready to change. 

The fact that it took you telling him he might lose you to make him budge is a bad bad sign.

It doesn’t sound like he is taking much responsibility for the state of things. I agree with PP’s who said he sounds depressed. Him saying he ruins everything isn’t accepting responsibility, it’s playing the vicitim so you’ll reassure him it’s not always his fault. 

Ultimately, he sounds like he needs therapy and possibly medication. If his behavior has changed as much as you say (always negative) it may well be he has some kind of physiological change underlying that needs treatment. 

I think the only hope you have to salvage this situation – though instinct and experience tells me you cant – is couples counseling. I think he needs to address his expectations for your appearance, which are unreasonable, and realize his demands are inappropriate and hurtful. He isn’t going to see this perspective just from you telling him. Clearly, he hasn’t yet. He seems to be operating under the impression being with you is a favor he’s doing you based on always getting exactly what he wants. It also sounds like he’s playing off what might be your low self esteem to reinforce this feeling.

I also think you should be prepared for counseling to be a means to come to terms with the end of this relationship. Frankly I think he is far too immature to be married to anyone, let alone someone he admits he finds “annoying” 

I’m sorry you’re being treated this way. I hope you decide you deserve better

Post # 21
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Ugh, at the risk of sounding so condescending – and I’m gonna take that risk because you need to hear this straight up – I cannot fathom why you think this is a good relationship. Let alone a potential marriage. Girl no. 🙁 

Post # 22
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

All of his obsession about you working out and you eating food is unhealthy. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like that? You say you are playing and acting like everything is ok. That’s not healthy. Has he started working more or paying for his share yet? A few days of changed behavior does not mean anything. I see so many red flags with this relationship. He is super controlling. He wants to work out and hike. What do you want to do? You mention that you are ina strange city and work from home. Maybe you can get out and do some things you enjoy on your own? He can go work out while you go do your own thing. If he isn’t happy with that, than it’s not the right relationship. 

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