Post # 16
Member184 posts
Blushing bee
- Blessed143
- 4 years ago
It doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship now and Im afraid its only going to get worse. The signs are there, and its time to start fresh without him.
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MemberPost # 17
Member3 posts
Wannabee
- hopefulsoulmate22
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2019
I will tell you what is happening here. And that I am a little skeptical about it. I wish I had people to talk to in real life lol. It’s hard making friends in a new city when you work from home.
N and I talked and talked for 3 nights straight. Noticed I didn’t say days. The first night he was very upset. I told him I am serious about not lifting weights or going to the gym as much. It is hard on him. He said he just wants me to work out with him, that there is something inspiring and fun about us doing that together. I told him he has made that experience unfun and in fact, low-grade torture for me. We said a few other things and went to bed.
He remained quiet for 2 days but would spill emotion right before bed as if it were pillow talk or something. He said, this is you.. This is who you are. And I explained that this was never me and it is all what he wants me to be. He tried to get me to work put one day a week with him to make a sacrifice or compromise like he has been (doing more things with me). I say no. I have been doing that practically our whole relationship. This is my body. I don’t like the changes. (I have gained 30 lbs of muscle) I hate seeing old photos of me, because that is what I want now.
He says he hates himself for ruining things, he says he destroys everything. I explain that he is a negative person and that is why he feels like that. He doesn’t have a positive bone in his body anymore. He apologizes sincerely. He crys..i habe never seen him cry. He tells me how scared he is. I tell him I am too. We hit for a long time. He tells me he will get over it, because he doesn’t want to lose me. That it just has always meant more than physical attraction. It inspired him and made him proud. I told him that is fine, but I can’t do it anymore. And he has to really think about his decision.
And he chose me. And he wants me to show him when he makes negative comments. And things feel so good, guys. We haven’t had this much fun in years. He has been asking me if I want to do things, not just me always asking. We started doing the weird improv in the car stuff we used to do. He is willing to take. But my eyes are open, my mind is open, my walls are up secretly. I am good at hiding them (acting background lol) so thank you for your help. I have to give this relationship one more try. One last chance, because he seems genuine and like he realized a lot once I threatened the relationship. I know that is sad, but he was so blind. I will keep you posted. I have a good head on my shoulders or so I am told, so I know I can tell when things go sour, but there will be no more chances after this.
Thank you all so much. I sort of feel like the teenager who doesn’t listen to her parents about a bad boyfriend, but this is different I think. I mean we are engaged and there is a reason for that.
Post # 18
Member193 posts
Blushing bee
- burntorangeskies
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
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Post # 19
Member2320 posts
Buzzing bee
- Innerdonught
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
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Post # 20
Member2252 posts
Buzzing bee
- teamroro
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
So you love him. And you’re unhappy. You tell him and then magically, he’s ready to change.
The fact that it took you telling him he might lose you to make him budge is a bad bad sign.
It doesn’t sound like he is taking much responsibility for the state of things. I agree with PP’s who said he sounds depressed. Him saying he ruins everything isn’t accepting responsibility, it’s playing the vicitim so you’ll reassure him it’s not always his fault.
Ultimately, he sounds like he needs therapy and possibly medication. If his behavior has changed as much as you say (always negative) it may well be he has some kind of physiological change underlying that needs treatment.
I think the only hope you have to salvage this situation – though instinct and experience tells me you cant – is couples counseling. I think he needs to address his expectations for your appearance, which are unreasonable, and realize his demands are inappropriate and hurtful. He isn’t going to see this perspective just from you telling him. Clearly, he hasn’t yet. He seems to be operating under the impression being with you is a favor he’s doing you based on always getting exactly what he wants. It also sounds like he’s playing off what might be your low self esteem to reinforce this feeling.
I also think you should be prepared for counseling to be a means to come to terms with the end of this relationship. Frankly I think he is far too immature to be married to anyone, let alone someone he admits he finds “annoying”
I’m sorry you’re being treated this way. I hope you decide you deserve better
Post # 21
Member299 posts
Helper bee
- Fitzy
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
Ugh, at the risk of sounding so condescending – and I’m gonna take that risk because you need to hear this straight up – I cannot fathom why you think this is a good relationship. Let alone a potential marriage. Girl no. 🙁
Post # 22
Member3091 posts
Sugar bee
- lulubelle2017
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2017
All of his obsession about you working out and you eating food is unhealthy. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like that? You say you are playing and acting like everything is ok. That’s not healthy. Has he started working more or paying for his share yet? A few days of changed behavior does not mean anything. I see so many red flags with this relationship. He is super controlling. He wants to work out and hike. What do you want to do? You mention that you are ina strange city and work from home. Maybe you can get out and do some things you enjoy on your own? He can go work out while you go do your own thing. If he isn’t happy with that, than it’s not the right relationship.
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