(Closed) In a tough spot, please help

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Please take this in the nicest way possible but he was and is using you. There are ladies on this site practically begging their guys to marry them after 5-10 years so his haste should have been a major red flag. I would end the marriage before it gets worse. After he gets his green card he could leave you high and dry and you would still have to support him. Not good IMO. I think you should tell him to find another way to stay here and withdraw your paperwork. Not trying to be negative but this sounds like it will end bad.

Post # 4
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed.

Post # 4
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed.

Post # 5
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh my goodness. I would totally withdraw the paperwork. I agree with @TiffanyBlue91011 that he was using you. I am so sorry.

Post # 6
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think it is important to withdraw the paperwork. You and your mother don’t want to be be responsible for him for 10 years, especially if you do get divorced. 

Post # 7
Member
14445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@annon8841:  Also, my mom and I will be 100% on the hook for his financial support for up to 10 years, regardless of divorce.

What exactly does that mean??  You’d have to support him financially being here if he doesnt get a job for up to 10 years??  Hindsight is 20/20 and unfortunately this is a mistake you had to make for yourself even with your friends and family warning against such a quick marriage.  And as much as I do believe in the forevers of the vows or marriage, in this case, I have to say that if you are so sure it was a mistake now just 1 yr after meeting him, dont perpetuate the mistake just because you feel like you “should”.  Dont let him use you to stay in the country.

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with everyone.  It sounds like he’s just using you.

 With the problems you’re already having, do you think you’d make it 10 years with this man?!  BC if you have doubts you don’t want to be “100% on the hook for his financial support for up to 10 years, regardless of divorce”

Post # 8
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’ve had a number of acquaintances from university do this to stay in Canada – they’ve found nice women, dated them awhile, and then as graduation approached, they’ve proposed. Some of them have stayed married and built lives with their wives, but others have left their marriages, and have left their spouses in a pile of debt and a lot of trouble.

If you know your marriage is not going to be saved, and it sounds like you do, you cannot continue to support his green card application. Maybe he won’t leave after, but he might – and that’s a lot of responsibility squarely on your shoulders (and your mother’s). You can also get into trouble if they decide you were in on it from the beginning; a lot of governments are starting to take marriage fraud very seriously, and it’s difficult to prove that the marriage was real on your part, and regardless you’re still held financially and legally responsible for your husband.

There are a number of ways for him to legally enter and remain in the US. You said he’s refusing to move out and separate because he doesn’t want to give up his career and his right to remain in the US – *not* because he doesn’t want to give up your marriage.

Post # 9
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I know this can’t be easy to hear, but it sounds to me like he is using you! One of my good friends was in this situation 5 years ago and I have her the same advice I’m about to give you. Leave him! Things erl only get worse from here once he gets his green card. It’s great that he wants to stay and work here, but that isn’t your responsibility to help him do that. Cancel the appointment and kick him out!

Post # 10
Member
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I can’t tell you what to do as I am not in your shoes. Only you know deep in your heart if you feel loved by this man, or used by him.

Post # 12
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree! Withdrawing the paperwork seems like the best plan… i’d invest in an annulment and dont let anyone make you feel like “they told you so” – those people should be supporting you NOW…

 

good luck hun!

Post # 13
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would withdraw the paperwork.

He told me that he will do X, Y, and Z for me, but I should just let him stay here to get his green card.

This is scary to me. How do you know he won’t just leave after he gets his green card? You’ve mention that it’s his goal to work on his career and live in the US. Is this the most important thing to him or is working on your marriage? I watched a documentry about this (but immigrants to Canada) and once the husbands had thier Permanente Residency (similar to a green card) they just disappeared. The wives were on the hook financially and there was nothing they could do to get them deported for having a fradulant marraige. If you do decided to go thru with the green card, I would check into what, if anything, you can do to protect yourself in the event that you get divorced or seperated once he gets his green card.

Post # 14
Member
24 posts
Newbee

Withdraw the papers. He is just using you!!! Usually women will try to make things work when things aren’t good in their relationships but most men don’t. I’m sure he won’t feel guilty or sorry when he gets his papers and leave you for another woman. Do you really know this Man? A year is not enough. My husband and I have been together for 11yrs now and 2yrs as marry couple. Do you know how long I wanted for this and he asked you after a year? That’s a sign and his behavor speaks it.

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