(Closed) In a tough spot, please help

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 45
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

double post =

Post # 45
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

I’m going to have to agree with the others. Cut your losses and get out of that relationship ASAP. If he really loves you like he claims he does, it wouldn’t be a matter of citizenship. Even if he did get deported, he would still want the relationship to work. (but to me, it sounds like he is using you for the sole purpose of living and working here)

Post # 46
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

The fact that he SAID that….you need to cut your losses….contact a lawyer…i know in canada some women’s shelters can lead you to a lawyer who will help you pro bono….contact a shelter, contact your police, and contact the government about him using you for a place to stay….

 

You WILL get help if you seek it out….the US does not want freeloaders in their country….his behaviour is also abusive….please seek help

Post # 47
Member
1395 posts
Bumble bee

I am going to agree with most other PPs.  You were used, OP.  He might be acting sweet and loving now, but really, that’s because he has one week until he is “home free”.  You need to stop the paperwork right now!  Do not think this is going to work.  The only reason he married you was to get a green card.  That is probably hard to hear, but it is most definitely the truth.  His actions and that comment he made prove it.

Post # 51
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been in this situation on the other side. It’s not easy hurting someone that you (once or probably still) love, but trust me – filing this paperwork leaves you wide open for all kinds of heartbreak down the road. Do not put yourself in this position and more importantly, do not put your mother in this position. She does not deserve it. What if you want to remarry in 5 years? Start a business? Being financially liable for someone for that long is serious business, especially if you have doubts now. If he truly, really loves you and wants to make this work – he will get his green card some other way. He will find a way to stay with you or have you move with him to make it work. As it is, it sounds like he’s just manipulating you and pressuirng you to do something to benefit himself. Just say – “We’ve been having issues. I’m not comfortable with filing the paperwork. I need to know that you are serious about making this work. Let’s work together to get your green card some other way or move together somewhere else for awhile”

Post # 52
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@annon8841:  If your husband really married you with true intentions, then he should have been prepared to love you and support you from anywhere in the world. Yes, long distance sucks & international ldrs can be extra trying, but that doesn’t justify rushing you into an impossible situation. Don’t let him make you feel guilty or feel responsible for his future. His love  for you should have nothing to do w/his immigration status, but he’s made it clear he sees the two as interconnected. Trust your instincts. Something is wrong here and you need to extract yourself from this situation quickly.

Post # 53
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You have to withdraw your paper work? You know the marriage isnt right, he is unemployed. Don’t worry about him, he is a grown man. Worry about yourself and if you can’t through with ending the process think about your mother. She loved you enough to put her name and legal responsibility one these documents.  Love her enough not to have her support this man. Withdraw the papers.

Post # 54
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m a south Asian and let me tell you I know men from my country that have flat out said they would RESORT to marrying a white girl if they had to just to stay in the US and make their careers work. They’ll never have any respect or love for their wives, their only in it for money and family honor. I’m not saying all of that is true with your husband but as pp have said it really sounds like the only reason is with you is because of the greencard. 

 

Also, as some people have mentioned if you do decide to leave him do it quietly as he will become incredibly sweet just till the paperwork is processed or he will become quite violent. Either way you are in danger.

Post # 55
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Please withdraw the papers, for your mother if not for yourself. You don’t have to get a divorce if you still want to try to make it work. But if he really loves you than he will want to make the marriage work green card or no green card. His statement that he will do x, y, and z for you if you get him his green card is really telling about where his priorities are.

Post # 56
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Please try and feel, down in your bones, that you are worth more than a green card.  I don’t even know you, but I already know that for certain.  Ditch this scumbag.  I’m sorry but it seems like he was using you from the beginning.  The man who wooed you was an act and doesn’t exist.  THIS manipulative, lazy, selfish jerk is who he really is.  

It’s like, you thought you were taking home a kitten, but then you fed it after midnight and now you see it’s a GREMLIN!  And it’s making your life hell.  Now the adoption agency is calling you and asking, “Hey, are you SURE sure you want this creature?” and you have the chance to say NO!  Should you feel guilty, because you took it home and now it’s your responsibility?  NO!  YOU SIGNED UP FOR A KITTEN, NOT A GREMLIN.  This is the easiest it’s ever going to be to cut him loose and I promise you, a little gossip and “I told you so” from friends and family now is WAY better than what will happen when he leaves you high and dry and massively in debt years from now.  Trust your gut and throw this gremlin back!  🙂

Post # 57
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This thread is a year old guys.

Post # 58
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hmm, guess you’re right.  Damn, I was proud of that gremlin metaphor.  Well, OP, hope things worked out well for you!

Post # 59
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so curious about what happened!!!

Post # 59
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

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Post # 60
Hostess
9783 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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amberlee.mucha:  This post is 3 years old.

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