- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
As I sit here writing this, I know that many of you have already read my last “devastated” post. I should note that I’ve given this a full 12 hrs of cooling down before trying to get it all written out to explain how our conversation went last night. When it happened, I was so heartbroken and enraged. Now, I’m just…. sad, hurt, I don’t know.
We hadn’t heard back from the venue about what options we had in order to cut back food and drink costs, so I mentioned to FH that we need to start thinking of alternatives. Using some of the great tips I got from you ladies, first I tried the either or method.
Me: looking at the numbers and cost of everything, we have some choices to make. Would you rather have 250 and have a limited in some way open bar, skip midnight buffet, and cut out pad thai station at cocktail hour as well as our entertainment and strolling table
Or, fully open bar, but cut back to 150 people and we can keep everything else.
His response: We can’t cut any more people, it’s all family.
Then I tried method 2, the A list, B list, C list guest list.
Me: Well, I was thinking we would be even under 150, if we only invited the family that is invited to the e-party on Sunday, and our closest friends/bridal party. We could send out these invites first and if any people can’t come, then we extend to family further out… like an A list and a B list.
Him: Well, my dad has cousins too eh, what about his family?
Me: I know, but I’m willing to cut my parents cousins too so that we can have all the things you want. If you want open bar, sit down dinner AND midnight buffet and everything else, something’s got to go.
Him: Well let’s just postpone it then.
Me: Postponing it won’t change the fact that we are looking at close to 70K being spent, when we only HAVE 35K to spend, and we are just “hoping” to get the rest in gifts, etc. If we don’t get that, are you willing to go into debt? Are you willing to have to hold off until it is all paid off to start a family and buy a house?
Him: We don’t need a house.
Then I tried the other method- calling his bluff.
Me: Okay, but what about starting a family? I think at this point, I’m really considering your offer to just go to City Hall.
Him: Well fuck it all then, screw getting married, let’s just stay living together.
Me: WHAT?! You were the one to propose city hall, what happend to that?
Him: Well I want to go through the wedding process, all of it.
Me: Well, in order for that to happen, we need to cut expenses.
Him: Whatever man, like I said, fuck it.
Me: Well, if having one over the top lavish day is more important to you than what the day is supposed to really stand for-us spending our lives together- then maybe you need to find someone who wants as big a wedding and has the money to spend for it.
Him: ya, maybe.
Me: Because right now you’re telling me you care more about one stupid fucking day than you do about our forever and our relationship, and you’re willing to completely give it up rather than compromise- even though I’ve been offering to give up xyz of what I want so that you can still have a big day…but it isn’t enough, and you need to cut too!
I’ll tell you what, I won’t talk about this for a week, nothing to do with a wedding, so you have one week, to decide what is really more important to you- the big honkin’ reception, or me. When you come to your senses and realize that a person is more important than one day that most people won’t remember, THEN we’ll talk about the wedding, but there will be some very big changes, and you’re going to start considering the fact that MY parents are paying for this and have been MORE than generous. If you still want the big honkin over the top day- you can have it with someone else, If you want me- then this whole thing is starting over from square one, and you won’t get to act like a spoiled brat anymore.
Him: Sure, sounds good.
Are you fuckingkiddingme?! I can’t even begin to express how upset I was. But I meant it. he has one week, and then I am fucking done. Would you believe, the idiot even had the nerve … after walking the dog he came back and tried to be all huggy and shit, like nothign fucking happened. All I’m thinking is, DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME. Today, I am not wearing my ring. I’m too angry, and until he decides, as far as I’m concerned we aren’t engaged. Which also means if he doesn’t decide by Sunday, I will not be embarassing myself by going to the damn e-party that we didn’t even want (his mom forced it on us) so why would I?
If any of you actually read the whole thing, THANK YOU, I’m impressed. I just really had to vent. UUUUGH.