(Closed) In a week, it could be over (some swearing)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

More information, brings more knowledge…

$ 38 K for Food & Beverage.

YES, I now know WHY your Wedding is sooo EXPENSIVE.

You are having it in Ontario, Canada (my beloved Province).

So not ONLY are you having to dealing with the whole Italian “Wedding Show” element, and 250 Guests, but living in Ontario you are also having to contend with the fact that this type of Reception with the various kinds of Food & Bev (Cocktails – Nibbles – Cake – Champagne – Sit Down Multi-Course Dinner – Midnight Buffet – and an OPEN BAR) that HE WANTS is ASTRONOMICAL !!

I bet your Bar Bill alone is in the $ 10,000 + BALLPARK!! (maybe even $ 15 K +)

Ya… something has to give.  He’s either gonna have to cut the Guest List, or the Expectations on Food & Bev IMO.

— — —

Likewise, good posts here from fellow Canadians

View original reply
MsLouella:  (Reply # 68) and Ms.-Martian  (Reply # 73) in regard to costs.

— — —

TO – UbiCaritas:  – Not that it really matters, but $ 70 K won’t buy you a thing in Ottawa… in most cases you’d need more than that for the Downpayment !!

 

Post # 78
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I haven’t been following your story closely (sorry) so pardon me if this has already been answered, but why are you marrying this guy?

Is he an otherwise lovely human being except when it comes to talking about finances, being reasonable about important decisions, and treating you with some semblance of respect?  I feel like I’m missing something here.

Post # 81
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I so wish your fiance was on your team with this.  It would be so much easier to stick up to his parents.  ๐Ÿ™

 

Post # 82
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OMG OMG you are SO AWESOME!  I am skipping reading the replies for now (will scroll back and read them) just to tell you how AWESOME you are!

Do you have any idea how smart you are being?  To draw the line with someone who is putting things before people? (Sorry, of all of Oprah’s minions, Suzy O is the only one I think has anything worthwhile to say and I have totally drunk her Kool Aid).  He wants to be 35K in debt at the start of your relationship?  He wants to forgo the downpayment on a home in favour of a midnight buffet?

He allowed you to suggest that he should marry someone else in order to have his dream wedding without immediately telling you “no way José” and giving you a big hug and saying he loves you forever no matter what???


You’re a tough cookie!  and OMG good for you!  

Post # 83
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I seriously think he cares more about a big party to impress everyone than getting married.  He’s being an asshole in making you cut out everything you want so he can get what he wants. Also, a responsible adult doesn’t dive head first into a mountain of debt to show off to other people.  He’s being completely unreasonable.

For your sake, I hope he pulls his head out of his butt.  

Post # 85
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

good for you hun for standing up to him! I hope he comes to his senses!  I think his frustrating ass-hole responses are just typical of a guy in a fight – I can totally picture Fiance saying those things too. So annoying!  But, give him his time and space to think and I hope he comes back willing to compromise!  You’ve done enough compromising so far.  You guys need a fresh start to the planning.  Good luck! Hope you have a happier update for us soon!

Post # 86
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

A snow removal business????   What’s he going to do for money during the majority of the year when there is no snow?

Post # 88
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Post # 89
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Stand up for yourself and your family dont let him and his parents walk all over you with there demands for cost when they arnt paying a dime for it and leaving your parents with the tab!!!! that is INSANE!!!! my Fiance and i have had similar arugments but he and I always come back to reality (and DIY) to compromise and find a way to have a beautiful day in the budget we want (and even then to be under that budget) 

Post # 90
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Oh, dear.  As the wife of a guy who owns a small business, working for yourself is hard!  And hubby has been in his field since he was a child ( computers– Father-In-Law is also a programmer, so DH has been around them since birth).   DH owns a software company, and does have regular clients that pay a certain amount on a monthly basis.  He also has contract work he does through a staffing agency AND a full time job at a university.  He goes to the university job every morning, then does freelance or contract work at night and on weekends.   

I wish it was glamorous and we were rolling in dough, but the chances of that are really slim.

Post # 91
Member
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@peachacid:  LOL! “Mr. Plow, that’s my name! That name again, is Mr. Plow.”

 

OP, this whole thread REALLY bothers me. Everyone’s priorities seem completely backward (Well, not yours, but everyone else’s). They want you to go into debt right as Fiance is trying to start a new business, and right before you are thinking about having a child? That’s INSANE. Not only will you not be able to get a new house with that plan–you stand a pretty decent chance of losing the one you have!

I gotta admit, as I was reading all your replies, the song “Mommy Knows Best” from Tangled kept going through my head.

I think the worst part is that he is just willing to let you walk out the door if you don’t do things his way. I sincerely hope I’m wrong for your sake–but it’s almost like he just wants to keep up appearances and get married...and it doesn’t matter to who.

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