Post # 77
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
More information, brings more knowledge…
$ 38 K for Food & Beverage.
YES, I now know WHY your Wedding is sooo EXPENSIVE.
You are having it in Ontario, Canada (my beloved Province).
So not ONLY are you having to dealing with the whole Italian “Wedding Show” element, and 250 Guests, but living in Ontario you are also having to contend with the fact that this type of Reception with the various kinds of Food & Bev (Cocktails – Nibbles – Cake – Champagne – Sit Down Multi-Course Dinner – Midnight Buffet – and an OPEN BAR) that HE WANTS is ASTRONOMICAL !!
I bet your Bar Bill alone is in the $ 10,000 + BALLPARK!! (maybe even $ 15 K +)
Ya… something has to give. He’s either gonna have to cut the Guest List, or the Expectations on Food & Bev IMO.
— — —
Likewise, good posts here from fellow Canadians
MsLouella: (Reply # 68) and
Ms.-Martian (Reply # 73) in regard to costs.
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TO – UbiCaritas: – Not that it really matters, but $ 70 K won’t buy you a thing in Ottawa… in most cases you’d need more than that for the Downpayment !!
Post # 78
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I haven’t been following your story closely (sorry) so pardon me if this has already been answered, but why are you marrying this guy?
Is he an otherwise lovely human being except when it comes to talking about finances, being reasonable about important decisions, and treating you with some semblance of respect? I feel like I’m missing something here.
Post # 79
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
@drummerbride: I agree, 40K is a healthy amount of money and we should be able to have a fantastic wedding for this. We can’t just find a venue with a caterer because most places we’re looking at are hotels (alot ppl from out of town) who cater their own, the deal we got at this one is fine but but BUT it is the fact we’re expected to have at least 4course meal and open bar, etc. plus plus plus, from his family. it’s ridiculous and the thought of spending that much money makes me want to hurl, trust me.
@NAvery: yes, professional counselling- I wouldn’t go to a priest for this I don’t think.
@UbiCaritas: I’m with you on that, but I’m the one who’s made our spreadsheets, he is the one uninterested/not capable of sticking to them. I showed him the big red negative that showed how much we’d need to make at the wedding to break even (I say make at the wedding and know ppl will possibly jump over that and say thats not what is about, but its just for lack of a better term.) I know 70K is alot, I know we can absolutely do it for less, IF he’s willing to let some things go. EVEN IF I cut all my things I care about, he still needs to cut either # of guests or whatever, or his parents need to put their money where their mouths are.
He is currently working. I know that this year will be hell financially, he’s normally better with money but I believe it was Brother-In-Law who was pushing to buy the trucks so early (if he had allowed him time to sell his car first, he could have paid it himself).. instead Brother-In-Law rushed him and the car is sitting in our garage, unused. ugg. I know his spending won’t change, but he isn’t a bad spender, I think his bigger problem is that he is living in a dream land… I’m just hoping this will give him a wake up call and put things into perspective. If not, then I’m frigggging gone. I do not need to be waking up with chest pains/anxiety at 23yrs old, thank you.
@misslene: This is the point he is missing 🙁
Post # 80
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
@MrsBroccoli: He may not believe it, but I do… and tough shit for him if it is a slap in the face when that door closes behind me. If he doesn’t smarten up, I’m out. and I have all you gals as witnesses to that.
@mrssrm: I know, but if he does stand up for the whole wedding “idea” in his parents mind and say fuck it and lets do it our way, I think that is the biggest stand he could take against them and it would show that he’s in it and wants to work on it. We’re in counselling (his idea) so I know he KNOWS that alot of his methods of thinking /attachment to his mom are messed up and he does want to fix it, and I want to support that because he is doing it for US.
To be fair I should mention he was sick in hospital for about 3 years, which is why he is THAT much closer to his parents than the average mommas boy. I get it, I don’t like it, but I get it.. and he is working to change it.
@This Time Round: Yep, and in our lovely capital, shit costs an arm and a leg. 🙁
@Juliepants: He is a really good man, he just.. is overly attached to his mommy, and is honestly honestly working on it (counselling his idea, etc etc) He wants to work out the kinks he has noticed and pointed out he has. he is aware and trying to hard… but you can’t undo 30 years of being spoiled by mommy over night.. he KNOWS it is bad and is making a concious effort but when he gets overwhelmed its hard… I know. I’m not trying to justify him, I know it sounds that I am, but he is truly a good person and doesn’t mean it- it was just how he was brought up 🙁
Post # 81
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
I so wish your fiance was on your team with this. It would be so much easier to stick up to his parents. 🙁
Post # 82
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
OMG OMG you are SO AWESOME! I am skipping reading the replies for now (will scroll back and read them) just to tell you how AWESOME you are!
Do you have any idea how smart you are being? To draw the line with someone who is putting things before people? (Sorry, of all of Oprah’s minions, Suzy O is the only one I think has anything worthwhile to say and I have totally drunk her Kool Aid). He wants to be 35K in debt at the start of your relationship? He wants to forgo the downpayment on a home in favour of a midnight buffet?
He allowed you to suggest that he should marry someone else in order to have his dream wedding without immediately telling you “no way José” and giving you a big hug and saying he loves you forever no matter what???
You’re a tough cookie! and OMG good for you!
Post # 83
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
I seriously think he cares more about a big party to impress everyone than getting married. He’s being an asshole in making you cut out everything you want so he can get what he wants. Also, a responsible adult doesn’t dive head first into a mountain of debt to show off to other people. He’s being completely unreasonable.
For your sake, I hope he pulls his head out of his butt.
Post # 84
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
@strawbabies: I just LOL’ed at work. Thanks, I needed that. haha head out his butt. hahahahhaa. I’m tearing up from laughing, seriously.
@MissNoodles: OMG yours made me giggle too. Thanks 🙂
Post # 85
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
good for you hun for standing up to him! I hope he comes to his senses! I think his frustrating ass-hole responses are just typical of a guy in a fight – I can totally picture Fiance saying those things too. So annoying! But, give him his time and space to think and I hope he comes back willing to compromise! You’ve done enough compromising so far. You guys need a fresh start to the planning. Good luck! Hope you have a happier update for us soon!
Post # 86
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
A snow removal business???? What’s he going to do for money during the majority of the year when there is no snow?
Post # 87
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
@strawbabies: Landscaping. Worst part, he is working for a company now, and has only done ONE year of snow removal and 2 of landscaping. IMO that’s not enough time to gain enough experience.. but I’m being supportive because he wants to try and do well for us.. but i’m really… not that optimistic about it. (he just doesn’t know that) I’ve voiced my concerns, and he’s agreed if it doesn’t go well he’ll work for another company, great, but this is theeee worst year to be doing this. not cool.
Post # 89
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Stand up for yourself and your family dont let him and his parents walk all over you with there demands for cost when they arnt paying a dime for it and leaving your parents with the tab!!!! that is INSANE!!!! my Fiance and i have had similar arugments but he and I always come back to reality (and DIY) to compromise and find a way to have a beautiful day in the budget we want (and even then to be under that budget)
Post # 90
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
Oh, dear. As the wife of a guy who owns a small business, working for yourself is hard! And hubby has been in his field since he was a child ( computers– Father-In-Law is also a programmer, so DH has been around them since birth). DH owns a software company, and does have regular clients that pay a certain amount on a monthly basis. He also has contract work he does through a staffing agency AND a full time job at a university. He goes to the university job every morning, then does freelance or contract work at night and on weekends.
I wish it was glamorous and we were rolling in dough, but the chances of that are really slim.
Post # 91
Member
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
@peachacid: LOL! “Mr. Plow, that’s my name! That name again, is Mr. Plow.”
OP, this whole thread REALLY bothers me. Everyone’s priorities seem completely backward (Well, not yours, but everyone else’s). They want you to go into debt right as Fiance is trying to start a new business, and right before you are thinking about having a child? That’s INSANE. Not only will you not be able to get a new house with that plan–you stand a pretty decent chance of losing the one you have!
I gotta admit, as I was reading all your replies, the song “Mommy Knows Best” from Tangled kept going through my head.
I think the worst part is that he is just willing to let you walk out the door if you don’t do things his way. I sincerely hope I’m wrong for your sake–but it’s almost like he just wants to keep up appearances and get married...and it doesn’t matter to who.
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