- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Could you do a dessert reception or something? I’m sure he and his family wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but if they aren’t helping with anything, then boo hoo for them, at least they get their giant guest list.
I get where they’re coming from with the Italian thing (my BFF had to invite a million third cousins she’d met twice, knowing they’d all skip the ceremony and leave after she cut the cake); extended family is just really important to them. But insisting that your parents pay for them impress people he doesn’t even know is beyond ridiculous.
@mayflowerbride13: he is acting like a child. how old are you two? is he immature? If DH talked to me like that, he would not be my DH for sure. Sorry you are going through this, I dont see much getting done trying to have a conversation with someone like that
I told him: like I said you have a week to decide whats really important because if your parents want a party that big with all the extended family- they should have a vow renewal. The real importance of it being me and you is being lost. We can invite family from engagement party and have the rest as backup if others decline, but otherwise we’re looking @ city hall or nothing.
he goes: theres no extended family, my moms and dads, ok, they cut ppl.
so i shoot back: but its not your mom/dads wedding is it.
ETA: Me: Look, I love you and we’re both at work, I don’t want to fight, but the expectations vs the amount of money we have to spend is not realistic.
and he ends this with “I dont know what time I’ll be home tonight, I need alone time”
I have a question…what do your parents think of all this?? After all theyre are the ones paying? Does your Dad and Fiance have a good relationship?? Maybe they could talk, that might get it through to your Fiance a bit?
This is going to sound crazy:
But… I saw this is what you wanted> open bar, cocktail, miidnight buffet and sit down
That sounds like a lot of food and drink per person. If you want more people, can you cut down on the amt. of food and drink per person? – say open bar (beer and wine only), cocktail hour (one signature drink, cheese and fruit or cut out entirely), sit down dinner (i dunno – surely, you can cut something here), midnight buffet (is this really needed? can’t you leave dessert out for late at night?)
I mean, I get that you’re cutting things, and I get that he needs to cut people, and I get that you guys aren’t actually sitting down to talk about it (through no fault of your own), but what price do you need per head to make it affordable for every guest? how many guests do you need to cut to make the current food plan affordable? and then, why don’t you split both right down the middle? cut half of that number of guests, and cut half of that number of food. Make the goals achievable and the decisions concrete, and he might come around.
This is just so bizarre to me — if the Future In-Laws demand something that the bride and her parents cannot afford, they should be paying for it. Not offering a loan, not holding the money over the bride’s head, but out and out paying for it.
Don’t even get me started about how ridiculous it is that only the bride’s family pays for the wedding.
I have to wonder if there is a deeper issue here that is effecting his actions. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone actually caring more about the wedding than the person they are marrying. Is he getting cold feet? Is someone poisoning his ear about you? Is he up to something no good? I don’t mean to be negative, but it just seems like he might be creating a situation where it is impossible for you to get married due to some other cause.
Who in the universe says “either we spend $70k on the wedding, or let’s go our separate ways”? What man feels it is his right to dictate how $35k of someone else’s money is spent without feeling ashamed of himself? Something’s off here.
EDIT: I finished reading every last post, and I’m inclined to think postponing the wedding isn’t actually a bad idea. It sounds like he just started working on these mommy issues, and maybe it would be good for you to see if he can actually change before making a commitment to spend your life with him. Plus, planning a wedding with him in this state seems well nigh impossible, and it should be a happy occasion (wedding planning is stressful enough without having your fiance be another source of frustration).
I think it is great that you’re standing up for yourself. I didn’t read all 4 pages of replies though. It is unfortunate that the engagement party falls right in the middle of your “one week” cool off/decision making timeframe. You are going to have to decide if you are going to shorten your deadline to Sunday or stick to the full week.
Here’s what I’d do: Stop talking about wedding plans for the entire week. Go to the engagement party because it celebrates your engagement, the relationship you want to keep! If anyone asks details about the wedding, say you have several ideas but you haven’t made concrete plans. Keep your focus on the relationship. Remember why you want to spend your life with this guy and have fun. Be awesome and fun and loving. Then have the big hash-out in a week.
Wow I’m sorry your going through this, what an ass to act all happy and unbothered. Jeez who wants to marry someone who thinks it’s cool to act like he does not care if he loses you. He obviously thinks he has you all sewn up! Good for you standing up for yourself and your parents. Does he know it’s no longer the brides family paying forbthe whole thing. At his age he should be flipping the bill. Keep us updated and hold your ground. You deserve to be treated better or at least like you matter! 🙁
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