(Closed) In a week, it could be over (some swearing)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 108
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@mayflowerbride13:  Something to help cut the cost of the DJ/Music…is only have them play after dinner and on for the dance part. We cut our DJ bill from 800 to 400 by just having him from 8-1am. During the cocktail hour and dinner, the music will be pipped in through the inhouse sound system from an ipod. Nobody cares about a DJ during dinner.

Post # 109
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Could you do a dessert reception or something?  I’m sure he and his family wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but if they aren’t helping with anything, then boo hoo for them, at least they get their giant guest list.  

I get where they’re coming from with the Italian thing (my BFF had to invite a million third cousins she’d met twice, knowing they’d all skip the ceremony and leave after she cut the cake); extended family is just really important to them.  But insisting that your parents pay for them impress people he doesn’t even know is beyond ridiculous.

Post # 110
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@mayflowerbride13:  he is acting like a child. how old are you two? is he immature? If DH talked to me like that, he would not be my DH for sure. Sorry you are going through this, I dont see much getting done trying to have a conversation with someone like that

Post # 111
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
@MsLouella:  But the DJ isn’t the problem, it’s the 250 people.  I know people wanted to be surrond by friends and family but when her Fiance doesn’t even know them they do not fall into that category.  All of the stuff is in budget, the food is not.

Post # 112
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@alyssaC:  I know that. And I agree with her. BUT she has already had to cut so many things that were important to her. This is just a way to still have what she wants while minimizing the cost.

Post # 114
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have a question…what do your parents think of all this?? After all theyre are the ones paying? Does your Dad and Fiance have a good relationship?? Maybe they could talk, that might get it through to your Fiance a bit?

Post # 115
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

This is going to sound crazy: 

But… I saw this is what you wanted> open bar, cocktail, miidnight buffet and sit down

That sounds like a lot of food and drink per person. If you want more people, can you cut down on the amt. of food and drink per person? – say open bar (beer and wine only), cocktail hour (one signature drink, cheese and fruit or cut out entirely), sit down dinner (i dunno – surely, you can cut something here), midnight buffet (is this really needed? can’t you leave dessert out for late at night?) 

I mean, I get that you’re cutting things, and I get that he needs to cut people, and I get that you guys aren’t actually sitting down to talk about it (through no fault of your own), but what price do you need per head to make it affordable for every guest? how many guests do you need to cut to make the current food plan affordable? and then, why don’t you split both right down the middle? cut half of that number of guests, and cut half of that number of food. Make the goals achievable and the decisions concrete, and he might come around. 

Post # 116
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@janebennett:  The Father-In-Law and Fiance have made it clear that wont happen

Post # 117
Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@MsLouella:  

This is just so bizarre to me — if the Future In-Laws demand something that the bride and her parents cannot afford, they should be paying for it. Not offering a loan, not holding the money over the bride’s head, but out and out paying for it.

Don’t even get me started about how ridiculous it is that only the bride’s family pays for the wedding.

Post # 118
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to wonder if there is a deeper issue here that is effecting his actions.  It’s hard for me to imagine anyone actually caring more about the wedding than the person they are marrying.  Is he getting cold feet?  Is someone poisoning his ear about you?  Is he up to something no good?  I don’t mean to be negative, but it just seems like he might be creating a situation where it is impossible for you to get married due to some other cause.

Who in the universe says “either we spend $70k on the wedding, or let’s go our separate ways”?  What man feels it is his right to dictate how $35k of someone else’s money is spent without feeling ashamed of himself?  Something’s off here.

 

EDIT:  I finished reading every last post, and I’m inclined to think postponing the wedding isn’t actually a bad idea.  It sounds like he just started working on these mommy issues, and maybe it would be good for you to see if he can actually change before making a commitment to spend your life with him.  Plus, planning a wedding with him in this state seems well nigh impossible, and it should be a happy occasion (wedding planning is stressful enough without having your fiance be another source of frustration).

Post # 119
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
@Cecilia37:  i am inclined to agree with you. my Fiance hates the fact that we are accepting ANY money from my mom and wants to save as much as we can. i dont understand how OPs Fiance can be so selfish.

Post # 120
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it is great that you’re standing up for yourself. I didn’t read all 4 pages of replies though.  It is unfortunate that the engagement party falls right in the middle of your “one week” cool off/decision making timeframe. You are going to have to decide if you are going to shorten your deadline to Sunday or stick to the full week.

Here’s what I’d do: Stop talking about wedding plans for the entire week. Go to the engagement party because it celebrates your engagement, the relationship you want to keep!  If anyone asks details about the wedding, say you have several ideas but you haven’t made concrete plans.  Keep your focus on the relationship.  Remember why you want to spend your life with this guy and have fun.  Be awesome and fun and loving.  Then have the big hash-out in a week.

Post # 121
Member
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow I’m sorry your going through this, what an ass to act all happy and unbothered. Jeez who wants to marry someone who thinks it’s cool to act like he does not care if he loses you. He obviously thinks he has you all sewn up! Good for you standing up for yourself and your parents. Does he know it’s no longer the brides family paying forbthe whole thing. At his age he should be flipping the bill. Keep us updated and hold your ground. You deserve to be treated better or at least like you matter! 🙁

The topic ‘In a week, it could be over (some swearing)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors