(Closed) In America, Why do I Have to Fight So Hard to be Treated as an Equal Human Being

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 61
271 posts
Helper bee

ToniToni:  Here’s an idea for you, it might sound crazy thought but give it a shot:

Live and Let Live.


That is all.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  Whiskers0.
Post # 62
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t even know where to begin but firstly, DAFUQ?! Seriously there is so much Dafuq in your original post and even more in your follow-ups. To say your grandfather was a veteran and fought for your freedom to not have anyone give you shit about your name change (or lack thereof) is asinine and trivializes the true causes of war and the sacrifices every one of our veterans and fallen soldiers made. 

Slavery is horrific and outdated, for sure, but when you categorize it as a tradition you trivialize that too. Slavery is a legal system and an economic system; it’s a crime against humanity and it’s a tremendous injustice. A thanksgiving turkey or Christmas ham is a tradition. Get the point?

and while I will not argue about women being treated as second-class citizens, it’s offensive that you rant about what is the most trivial aspect of this complex topic, and completely ignore real, serious issues like the glass ceiling, equal pay for equal work, the higher cost of everything (clothing, dry cleaning, hygiene items, etc) for women than for their male counterparts, and the GOP’s escalating war on women’s reproductive rights.  By calling yourself oppressed because someone at the DMV assumed you had a different last name, you are trivializing the very real victims of oppression, in this country and worldwide.

 ETA: and I totally forgot to say…. You don’t have to change your name if you don’t want to and maybe whoever it was that gave you a hard time is just an asshole, but don’t lump all of the American together. I can assure you, the overwhelming majority of us could not care less what you do with your name.


Post # 63
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I find it interesting how so many women here who keep their name “justify” it (not that they have to) by explaining the history of how men used to own women, and often those same women use the same rationalizations to explain why their Dad won’t walk them down the aisle, or why they won’t wear a veil, etc.

But on this board I have never seen a woman complain about receiving an engagement ring, despite that fact that its historical relevance is just as taudry as the name change.  No, the complaints about engagement rings on this board are if the stone isn’t big enough.  

It’s always interesting to see how people’s positions differ depending on context.  Tell me, OP, do you wear an engagement ring?

Post # 64
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Can you please stop calling slavery a tradition. A tradition is wearing a white dress to your wedding or opening presents on Christmas,  you aren’t go to be arrested if you stop doing those things and no one’s life is in danger because of them.  Slavery was so much more than a tradition and it so wrong to even kind of compare it to you getting some flack from a few people about not changing your name.  And you know what I’m changing my name so I can be linked to my husband and children and because it is what I grew up wanting to do because it is tradition and it’s just what I thought everyone does.  I’m not going to chang a life long dream just because all women don’t actually change there names. If that reasoning “falls through” for you or anyone else then that is your problem and not my mine.  Get off your high horse and go tell all this shit to the asshole who made you feel like you had to write this rude post and move on. Stop giving them your time and attention. 

Post # 65
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

MrsYokiman:  I choked! Lmao

Post # 66
1308 posts
Bumble bee

OP, if people really so “often” give you flack for your last name, you need to surround yourself with different people.  Seriously.  It’s really not as big a deal as you make it out to be, and most people I know do not frequently get any sort of harassment, unless it’s from a much older generation.  

I have a 14 letter last name, and Fiance has 5.  I am taking his name and cannot wait.  My hand is tired.

Post # 67
4238 posts
Honey bee


LOL: My hand is tired. Ain’t that the truth? I went from a 13 letter sig to an 8 letter sig and what a difference it makes.


Post # 68
11585 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m keepng my name and couldn’t get through the long OP.

there’s a lot of rage here and misunderstanding about what feminism is. feminism is not “just about having a choice.” Choices are one hopeful result of equality, not the whole purpose.

People have tried to use feminsim to justify the choice to deny equal pay, for example, but feminism advocates for equal rights socially, politically, and economically. 


  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  BalletParker.
Post # 69
594 posts
Busy bee

MelissainNC:  I did, actually – I never wanted an engagement ring (or a proposal; I think it’s sexist that the man is the one making the final decision about the relationship) unless both of us got one. Now we both wear plain gold wedding bands.

Post # 70
730 posts
Busy bee

Paragraphs, PLEASE. TL;DR. I agree that people shouldn’t have to change their names. Luckily, they don’t. 

Post # 71
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

SexyCatLady:  You are definitely the exception!  

I’m changing my name socially, but not professionally.  I’m only changing it socially because it makes my Fiance happy — I previously never thought I would, but it makes him happier than it bothers me, so that’s fine.  And my Dad is walking me down the aisle.  I am not, however, going to wear a veil (at least today that’s what I’m saying, tomorrow I may change my mind.  It’s one of those things.)

I do identify as a feminist.

Oh – and I love my ring.  lol

Post # 72
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My mom didn’t change her name and her husband wanted to take her name instead. It’s all up to you nowadays, no one is forcing you to take someone else’s name if you don’t want to! I didnt want to change mine but in the end did because his name is more common in U.S. and I was tired of spelling my whole name every single time. LOL And also someone in my family that’s still in my home country is not supposed to know I’m married because that would affect my mother and I in a bad way, it’s a long story and very personal, so it was safer to change my name anyway. That person would never be able to stalk me on the internet again, hopefully. So yay to name change!

Post # 73
9569 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

MelissainNC:  Tell me more about this “socially but not professionally” thing.  I can PM you if you think it’ll derail this thread.  I’m torn about the name thing.  I couldn’t care less about it’s historical meaning–my Fiance and i know that it deson’t mean jack to us, but I think it’d be nice to share a name as we build a family, and his last name is much nicer than mind (mine sounds just like a choice homophobic slander).

That said, since i’m in academia (so people know you by your last name) professonally it will be such a hassle.  And if we ever get a divorce, it’d mean I’d be stuck with his name forevermore because changing it that late in the game would be impossible (whereas right now it’d just be annoying).

Are you not legally changing your name, and just using it in social situations, or are you legally chancing it and just not using your new name at work?

Post # 74
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000


Post # 75
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

ToniToni:  Yes you replied yesterday to a topic from almost year ago.

The topic ‘In America, Why do I Have to Fight So Hard to be Treated as an Equal Human Being’ is closed to new replies.

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