In day to day conversations I ask my husband a lot more about himself than he

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Has he always been like and you just started noticing? Maybe your day to day isn’t very interesting to him. 

Post # 3
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

At the end of the day, I usually ask my husband how his day has been, but he often doesn’t ask me. For him, it’s not that he’s not interested, but he expects me to tell him without being asked, and if I didn’t ask him he’d still tell me. Maybe your husband is the same as mine. Sometimes I get annoyed but then I remined myself it’s just different communication expectations!

Post # 4
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee

I think it depends.  I personally have always been bad about asking questions because it feels intrusive and I assume if someone wanted me to know something, they would tell me.  I’m just private and assume other people are, too, and they will share what they like.  It is a very hard mindframe to break, though I am trying.

However, I had an ex who constantly volunteered information about himself and would never ask a question.  He would always phrase things as statements in a way that made you aware he wasn’t actually interested (i.e. I hope your weekend was well vs. how was your weekend?).  Lord help me I thought I could train him to be a more receptive person and after a year it worked of me pointedly responding anyway…only to realize he was narcissistic d-bag in so many other ways and that was just the tip of the iceberg.

So I think it really depends on personality type and how they are in other communications as well.  If he is selfish and narcissistic in other ways then this is just another piece of that puzzle.  If he is otherwise caring and normally quiet or not into conversation, than this just may be a quieter aspect of his personality and different communication styles.

Post # 5
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I tend to ask my husband how his day is going while we still down and have dinner, I find that he usually expects me to share how my day went without me being asked.

Post # 6
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My fiance doesn’t ask me, so I just tell him as needed. It’s not really his style to ask and similarly, when I ask him how his day was, he doesn’t usually say much. He will pick out a highlight or two sometimes, but not always. It’s just part of his personality.

Post # 7
Member
2996 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I tend to ask my husband more often than he asks me. I always want to know how his day was, but he’s even more introverted than me and I get that he often forgets to ask questions. I don’t let it get to me. I’ll normally either volunteer the info, or say “Hey, aren’t ya gonna ask about me?” 

He doesn’t normally care as much as I care about his, through he does try to listen and engage, and that’s that. I feel confident that it has nothing to do with the amount of love he has for me. But in your case, seeing what you grew up with, I can understand how it might affect you a bit differently. 

Post # 8
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Some suggestions, not all of which need to be taken seriously.

Use obvious questions: “What would you like to ask me about my day?”

Use interaction: “I’ve got a problem at work and I wonder if you could give me some thoughts on how to deal with it.”

Use novelty: Make sure that you don’t talk about the same aspect of work twice.

Use silence: Stop talking about your work until he asks about it; “……………………….”.

Use humour: “I see that your eyes have glazed over again. It’s lucky that I work for a window replacement company”.

Use sex: “I think that once you have asked me a question about my workday we should go to bed where you can discuss my CV in considerable detail.”

Use superhuman strength: throw things around the house and garden until he asks in a timid tone “And how was your day?”.

Use shock: Write on the bathroom mirror, “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”

Try inserting some imaginative stuff into your daily discourse: “Of course, it was the astronaut in the wastepaper bin that really caused the problem with the photcopier.”

Try training him: Every time you come home and he doesn’t ask a question about your day you squirt him with a water pistol. After a while he’ll make the connection.

Try talking to him: “I would really like you to occasionally ask a question about my work because I’d love you to be interested in what I do, and I want to share details of all the things I do when I’m not with you. It makes me feel close to you.”

Take him to work with you. Then you don’t have to talk about what happened during the day because he will have been with you all the time. Or alternatively, meet at lunchtimes so that you feel the connection during working hours.

Find lots of joint interests. Make sure that you and him do lots of things together outside work that you can talk about them to your heart’s content, and you don’t feel the need to talk about work.

Try more two or more of the above suggestions simultaneously.  It will be guaranteed to get a response.

On a more serious level you are right to be concerned/upset. I think that in many ways marriage is a series of adjustments where we do (or don’t do) things and our spouse lets us know that they are upset with us. This may well be one of the adjustments that your husband needs to make. 

Post # 9
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Same. But like PPs mention I think he just expects me to tell him without being prompted. If I didn’t ask him sometimes he just wouldn’t tell me about what’s going in because he just forgets! Try not to take it personally. I’ve felt the same way before but I think that’s just how many guys are.

Post # 10
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

monkey84 :  Yes. Darling Husband isn’t super great with the verbal communication. When he gets really excited about something (either positive or negative) he will open up quite a bit unprompted, or he will do so as I ask him questions. He isn’t great about asking me questions, but I’ll just talk without his prompting and it’s obvious he’s listening. On the flip side, he will frequently have topics of conversations to thoughtfully bring up at meal times. Not topics in our personal lives, but politics, news – current events type stuff (I lack in this department). 

 

People just have different styles of communicating. I don’t let it get to me too much unless I feel like he’s not listening. And there’s are some times too where I think he could have a verbal response and he doesn’t and I will totally call him out 🤐

Post # 11
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s just how you guys were both raised and what you are used to. If his family never asked 20 questions about everyone’s day, it makes sense he doesn’t do it. You are used to and expect to talk a lot about your day, based on how you were raised.

It sounds like you guys are just in a rhythm where you ask how his day was, he tells you and then you tell him about your day. He prob has no idea it bugs you or that you want him to ask before you start telling him. I don’t at all think it’s a sign he doesnt care, is an ass, etc. 

I als othink its a bit of a male/female. When I travel for work, I call Darling Husband at night and have 50 things to tell him: ” I got coffee at this really cool coffee shop, then i had a meeting which went horribly because ___, then i had a ham sandwich for lunch but it was soggy. For dinner we went to a mexican restaurant that was really good! The tile in the shower is really pretty in the hotel. It’s giving me design ideas for our bathroom. The weather here is nice, I wish I brought my black sandals”. When I ask him how his day was, he’s normally like “It was good. Work was normal, i ate dinner, watched TV, went to the gym.” Obviously a million things happened to him, too, but he just doesn’t announce them.

Post # 12
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This doesn’t happen to me, but I think it’s because my fiancé and I have been long-distance for 5 years (only just got engaged 12/22/17). I’m also the less sociable, so actually it’s me who has learned to reach out, tell him when I miss him, ask him about how his day has been going, etc.

If you didn’t ask him about his day first, might he be the one to show interest? Sometimes people get into their routine and wait for what they know will happen. 

Post # 13
Member
678 posts
Busy bee

Me and my Fiance stay in communcation throught the whole day. So for example it’ll be very normal for me to have a message from him saying ‘That meeting was such a waste of time’ or ‘They’re hoping to give me a pay rise soon because….’ 

Likewise I do the same. We are both quite open and I think we probably share stuff without being asked…we do ask but I think we mainly just share. I was trying to think if we normally ask and my Fiance just messaged me saying ‘How was zumba today?’ So i guess that answers it. haha

Post # 14
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee

First, are you sure you aren’t boring? I say this because my FH is one of those people who provides a level of detail that even his family is like “ok move along get to the point”. I love him dearly, but sometimes I start to zone out when he gives me the play by play of how he decided which sandwich to have for lunch (I’m not exaggerating). I don’t ask follow up questions often either. 

Second, if you have confirmed that the problem isn’t your storytelling, I would talk to him about it as a need of yours. 

Post # 15
Member
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

People communicate differently.  Perhaps he doesn’t know you want him to ask more questions.  Darling Husband doesn’t ask a lot of questions about my day because I can’t tell him a lot of what I do.   Try talking to him about it and see what he says.

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