(Closed) In desperate advice over BM’s

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah I’m dreading this issue…… my Maid/Matron of Honor is about five/six hours away, and my other three are across the country, two in the same town, the other an hour from them. I’ve heard that you need to order their dresses all in the saw order to guarantee dye lot consistency, but how do I have four girls from three completely diff towns buy dresses? Or do I buy them all as/in addition to their gift? I’ll be following this thread for advice too 😉 Oh, and as for your issue (sorry for the huge sidetrack!!) I say you tell her “it’s my wedding!!”

Post # 4
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Breathe. So, that part about her pretty much dictating the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses for your wedding? Yeah. That. Sorry, but she is not allowed to dictate what goes on in your wedding. Suggest? Sure. You’ve been courteous to be open to suggestion. Dictate? No. Tell her that you have taken her suggestions into consideration but that it is time to make a clear decision for the MAJORITY of the BMs and choose the dress that was already agreed upon. At which point she then has the choice to either a) throw a hissy fit or b) concede and do what YOU want to do for YOUR wedding. If she agrees, great. Perhaps you could even offer to help out on the cost if it means that much to her and if it helps keep the peace. However, if she is ungrateful and throws a hissy fit, she can then chose to: a) suck it up and make it work or b) no longer be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Mind you, it would be her CHOICE, not you telling her to step down or whatnot. 

Post # 6
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2011

totally agreed with cornflake girl:) i am ordering my dressers off line but and they are cheaper but u don’t get to try them on which being a big bustered girl is not a good option for me but my 1 BM is happy cause she has a nice body that would fit anything and we got a dress that will fit her and look good even if she is bigger ( she is have a baby in july ) she already has a simlar dress to so she no’s it will suit her…… but personally i would tell the bm to back off its your wedding in a way that will not offend her.

Post # 7
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

This is such a tough issue, and I’ve had Bridesmaid or Best Man drama too so I know how difficult this is. I think you need to tell her that the dress she originally chose is the one she needs to get. End of story. Say it in a nice way in order to salvage the friendship like you said, but no more playing games and comparing your wedding to other peoples. This is causing you stress and that isn’t fair.

Maybe you could tell her that other Bm’s have already started buying their dresses and it’s too late to change now. Or you can say something like: “I understand the cost is an issue, but it took so much work to find this dress and it’s what I want you all to wear. Since you only have to pay ___% down now, maybe that will give you some extra time to get up the rest of the money. I would love to help you out but then i would have to help everyone pay for their dress and that isn’t fair to me. If you feel like this is too much of a financial responsibility I understand if you want to step down, but I really hope you can make this work because it’s important to me to have you in my wedding.”

If you are willing to help her with the cost let her know that she needs to buy that dress and you will give her $60 to make the dress fit into her $100 price range. I had to do this with my BM’s and it put me over budget a little but it kept the peace which helped me to keep my sanity. You might get some flack from her, but just repeat yourself in a calm and understanding voice until she gets it.

Let us know how it will go. The sooner you talk to her the better you’ll feel. It will all work out, a lot of us have been there before. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I so feel for you. Although ordering the dress online might be more appealing to the other girls as well price wise I can also understand your anxiety about ordering online.  You just really never know what your getting.  Personally, I wouldn’t chance it.  I say you tell the girl that you don’t want to take a chance with anything going wrong. By ordering in a store you have the opportunity to deal with people face to face if there is a problem instead of getting the run around through email or an 800 number.  Its not worth $60.  Offer to pay the difference for her.  I bet she will not take you up on it and hopefully feel like an as$ for causing the situation.  Hopefully.  Anyway, like I said, its just not worth it. 

Post # 10
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I vote you just pay the difference to make sure you’re happy with the choice made.

Must say I’m glad that in the UK the bride pays for the bridesmaid (and the rest of the bridal party) dresses/ accessories etc as it means you can decide what budget you’re working with. This is awkward but if you want to stick with the original plan I’d stump up the cash if you can afford to. Good luck!

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