(Closed) In desperate need of advice!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that asking her to plan the rehearsal dinner and bridal shower are really good ideas.  Parents can get crazy around weddings, I’m sure we have all expereinced some of this.  It is not that they are trying to make us stressed out or upset, they are just dealing with their own reactions to this life transition.   As important as our weddings are to us, it is importent to remember that our parents are also experiencing a very important milestone in thier own lives, the day that their children marry.  The begining of a new stage of life.  Letting go of your child and embracing them as adult-children.  Giving your Future Mother-In-Law small tasks, or big ones as you suggested, are just a way to help her feel involved and wanted in a very emotional and exciting life experience. 

Post # 4
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Since you have some DIY projects, could you ask both moms to come over and help? That way they can feel that they’re contributing (even on a small level) and it gives you a chance to do some “girl talk” and hopefully ease the rift that started to develop with you and FMIL?

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree that asking for the rehearsal dinner and shower is a start. I would normally say you shouldn’t ask for those things, but if she’s dying for you to ask her to do something then you might as well have her throw you some parties. Also, agree on the enlisting help for DIY projects thing. That’s something you’ll need help with anyway and she can feel like she’s contributing.

Post # 6
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I like Goldi’s idea to help with the DIY projects… also, I think that even talking with her about your wedding plans will help her feel more included… like when you book the hall and dj and photographer, you could call her up afterwards and talk about it with her… i mean that way you still got to plan it yourself, but you’re “keeping her in the loop” sort of thing, so she feels part of it.  I dont think parents should have too much say, but they do deserve some, family is a huge part of the wedding, and especially if they are helping to pay for it, then you can ask and consider their input possibly, unless its totally not what you want… but hopefully there is some sort of compromise.. your Fiance is just being a typical man, trying to keep the peace lol, I dont think he’s taking sides, but just trying to keep his mom happy.

Post # 8
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I think my Mother-In-Law might have been a little upset I didnt ask for her input more often but I wasnt doing it to be rude! I had all the ideas in my head and I think my Darling Husband explained it best when he said they didnt want us to run everything by them for approval, but just to let them know what was going on so they could help if needed, were in the loop and overall just felt more involved.  Like you, alot of my stuff was DIY projects like the place cards, menu cards, etc that I myself wanted to do.  They planned the whole rehearsal dinner and my shower and I ended up asking them for help with the hotel bags and even the favors – we spent a night putting them all together with them.  Id say your best bet is just to include them – you dont have to ask them to help or anything but just let them know what is going on so they feel more involved.

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