Post # 31
Thank you all for your replies.
To Clarify, It Isn’t wicca. Wicca is an organized system of beliefs and practices more akin to a “religion” and I really don’t have an interest in it. I wish to practice witchcraft, yes, but not wicca. Trust me there’s a big difference.
In regards to my husbands belief he isn’t terribly active in his religion right now, he hasn’t been to church in a very long time but it’s important to him and most of my extended family. My parents found out I had no interest in the church and literally staged an intervention. I’m not kidding, it was horrible.
I’m left feeling the outcast no matter what I do. I don’t want to split up my daughter and I love my husband so it seems my only choice is to remain silent for the rest of my life. Sucks, but I guess I’ll have to deal.
Post # 32
He is morally equating infidelity and a change of faith because they are equally serious to him. Changing your faith is a betrayal and an infidelity of him in the same way that an affair would be. I could never be with someone who held that stance. This is what divides people: my religion is correct and other beliefs are incorrect. I am superior because of what I believe. Your value as a person/spouse/family member is diminished because your faith is different from mine. I’m sorry, Bee. Love is not enough when your SO no longer respects you or your right to think for yourself.
Post # 33
Your Darling Husband isn’t being disrespectful, trying to be superior, or trying to punish you in any way. He just wants to be married to someone who shares his belief system. When he married you, that’s who you were. But this isn’t like wanting to switch churches or wanting to change from Lutheran to Baptist. This is a fundamental religious change. Realistically, he wouldn’t have married you if you were practicing witchcraft when you met him. It’s not that there’s anything suddenly terrible about you as a person, but it just means you’re not who he wants to be married to.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are both Christians and talking very seriously about marriage. I love him more than anything in the world. If he suddenly told me that he wanted to practice witchcraft, Wicca, Islam, Judaism, Satan-worship, paganism, Zoroastrianism… I would still love him more than anything in the world, but he wouldn’t be the man I wanted to spend my life with and thus we would break up.
I really feel for you and I don’t exactly have advice, but I just wanted to counter a few of the other Bees saying that your husband is in the wrong. There is no right or wrong here.
Post # 34
scaredwitchless : My Darling Husband and I are both Christians. If he wanted to change denominations or become Catholic, that would be perfectly fine with me because it’s a decision that is still firmly within our shared belief spectrum. If he were to want to denounce Christianity and become a Buddhist, Muslim, warlock, etc – it would be the end of our marriage. Rejecting Jesus as Lord, abuse, and adultery are probably the only three reasons for divorce that the church would support.
Your husband has as much right to his belief that it’s a marriage killer as you do to practice whatever religion/ spiritual path you choose. My guess is that bees who are less/non-religious are the ones who think your husband is out of line.
Post # 35
churrosandroses : I don’t think it sounds condescending or manipulative. He’s not trying to get her to do anything or change anything. We always give the advice on this site that you can’t change anyone else’s actions, all you can do is change your own. That’s exactly what he’s doing. When they married, they were in total agreement on something that’s very important to him. Now she’s changed her mind, which she has every right to do. But yes, there may be consequences! It’s not what he signed up for, and if he can’t live with it, he may leave. He has every right to do so.
I have a feeling that if it was the woman saying that the man had changed his mind, everyone would be shouting “leave him!”.
Post # 36
OP, you have to decide if your marriage or religion is more important. That’s all it comes down to. He made that decision already.
Post # 37
desertgypsy : As usual, you said exactly what I was thinking.
I think a lot of religious people (and by that I mean your typical mainstream religions) have a lot of fear of alternative religious practices because they just plain aren’t educated in them aside from what they learn from their chuches and television/movies. It’s understandable to be afraid of something you have only heard negative things about. I feel like a lot of people would be surprised if they ever spent any time on their own learning about alternative religious practices.
I also think most people have no idea how many pagan/wiccan/satanists/druids/etc they likely know and love.
Post # 38
mrsnyctola : Do you think she’s like trying to summon a demon or what?
Post # 39
desertgypsy : I just wanted to point out that Christianity (or at least the Christianity I follow) does not depict God as “white”. And beyond that, He is also genderless because He does not have a human form. We say “He” but God has no boundaries in who He is. Jesus was male, yes, but definitely not white, but Middle Eastern. Not trying to go off topic here but I was very confused why you think that Christianity worships a white God. Just because Michaelangelo depicted God as a caucasian male doesn’t mean that’s actually what we all think.
Post # 40
slomotion : I am Christian and don’t fear other religions: I have close friends who are Jewish, Muslim, and of no religion at all. I respect and love them just as they are- I’ve never tried to convert them and have participated in Bar/Bat Mitzahs, been to Passover dinners, written Facebook rants about Trump’s disgusting Muslim ban. I’ve spent time in mosques and Buddhist temples while traveling around the world. I even dated someone in another faith when I was in college.
None of that changes my personal belief that a married couple should share the same religion and agree to raise their children in that same faith. The Bible talks about the importance of being “equally yoked” – I believe that is because God loves us and wants us to have happy, fulfilling, successful marriages. That doesn’t mean interfaith marriages are any less successful but I do think they require a lot more compromise as well as two willing spouses.
OP entered a marriage under one agreement and is now significantly moving the goalposts on her husband. That doesn’t automatically mean her husband is ignorant to other religions & spiritual practices. It means he is now in a marriage whose structure is in deep conflict with what he thought were shared values.
Post # 41
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
bee123456789 : I think this is why… https://www.google.com/search?q=god&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjFrLHMlLfWAhVollQKHTFCAykQ_AUICigB&biw=1220&bih=735
Popular culture depicts God as a white dude (or occasionally Morgan Freeman lol)
Post # 42
lolot : Popular culture might depict Him that way but regardless there is nowhere in our belief system that says that God is white. It’s definitely not in the Bible lol. That would be a silly belief anyway because Jesus was Middle Eastern. God created all races so why would He confine Himself to one race is what I think.
Post # 43
bee123456789 : I live in Utah.. He is definitely white and male here.
Post # 44
I don’t really understand his position. I’m an atheist and my Fiance is agnostic and anti-organized religion in general so if he suddenly became religious of any sort, that would kind of suck but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me because I still love him. The only way it would be a dealbreaker is if he started acting like a totally different person or started treating me differently.
Post # 45
It would help to know more about your husband’s religion. If it’s Christian, they are counseled not to divorce nonbelievers if they stray from the faith. 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 states: “12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.<wbr /> 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband” If we’re talking about mormonism, that might be different.