In-law and husband drama- Am I being selfish/hormonal?

posted 5 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Aside from the dramatic scene of falling to the floor crying, best thing to do would be to put them all on a time out for an extended period of time – no contact with you at all; if Darling Husband wants it, he goes to them.  They’re not allowed into your home or anywhere else you are going to be (shower, for example).  And MOVE as soon as possible!

Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

Physical fights? Really? This all sounds pretty drama-laden. Not sure why you choose to live next door to them. Seems like that’s the first thing that needs to change.

Post # 4
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Don’t let toxic family members steal your joy! Unfortunately we don’t get to pick our family and it’s okay to cut people out that bring that kind of poison into your life. Self-care is of the utmost importance now. Healthy Mom, healthy baby.

Post # 5
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

They sound awful, but you need to do more to insulate yourself from them. These are people with whom you have a bad relationship. So don’t give them your valuables, don’t invite them to parties, and don’t ask to stay withdrawn fur six months. (That last one is a HUGE ask by the way; I’d refuse to have a family member I dislike in my home for that long too.) Hell – DON’T live next door to them!  With a little space and distance and some effort on your husband’s part, they can become annoying people you see on occasion for a couple of hours, not huge focal points of your existence.

Post # 6
Member
5692 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Why are you spending 6 months renovating a house next door to these people?!

If I remember rightly you have posted about these two before and they are insane. Punching something you owned would be enough for me to uninvite them to the shower. 

Post # 7
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee

You have a husband problem. I would two card him – couples and individual therapy or divorce attorney.

Post # 8
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Move! Sell the house as soon as renovations are complete! 

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

As soon as you brought up the painting I knew where you were going with it. Why would you have her hold on to it? Anyway. You are doing the right thing. You have to think of your health and your babies health. Unfortunatly you can’t chose who you in-law’s are. But you don’t have to like them. That is a very toxic relationship. Your husband doesn’t seem to be behind you. And it’s problary because he has had to deal with her all of his life and he is use to her vile ways, so to him it’s “how she is”. But it’s not right. Do you want you baby to be around a grandparent like that? You can’t even set boundries with this women because she sounds insane. After the renovations I would put the house on the market and move far far away from her. Get out of dodge bee.

Post # 10
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Aside from everything else are you really comparing the loss of a picture to the loss of her husband?

You all sound over dramatic. If they’ve been this bad why would you renovate a house next to them?

Asphalt.Angel :  

Post # 11
Member
5556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Not having them in your sons life is the best thing that can happen for your son.

They are completely toxic, yet you keep them in your life. You are upset that they didn’t let you move in with them, are upset that they are threatening to not be involved in your sons life, you actually let them hang onto a very important painting of yours.

Wtf are you doing? Seriously. Instead of separating yourself, you’re involving yourself even more by trying to move in with them and what not. You’re renovating a house next door to them.

Your husband is another problem all together, not wanting to separate himself from his family. But it’s like you haven’t even considered that distancing yourself is an option. You’re acting like you’re stuck with them and how dare they not let us move in and have someone else move in instead.

You need to realize that you continue to invite this crap into your life. Once you see that, hopefully you can make healthier choices, preferably before bringing your baby into this crap fest

Post # 12
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

She’s got your husband wrapped around her finger. She has raised him to do anything for littl pieces of love from her, and beg for love after she’s been abusive. That’s not okay. Your husband needs therapy.

 

I have in law issues that recently pushed me too far. I calmly told my husband (who is a DuH in the in law department) that I’m taking a break from his family for a minimum of 6 months. After 6 months, I’ll reevaluate. He can have whatever relationship he wants. But I’m staying away, and if I’m staying away, so is the baby. So do yourself a favor and take a time out. Until AFTER the baby is born.  Because she will surely ruin your first few weeks with your new baby

Post # 13
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

Sansa85 :  All of this. 

You can’t change toxic people, but you can change what is unacceptable to you, what you’re not willing to put up with, and how you handle it. 

Post # 14
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I’d cut them off. And I’d sell that house next to them. No way should you be living next door to people who treat you like that. 

Post # 15
Member
7773 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

MancBee :  I think her point was that the painting has symbolic meaning since it was given to her by her grandmother who passed away. Since mil is mourning the loss of her husband, OP would have thought she’d be more understanding of the grieving process and what the painting means to her…rather than vandalizing it!

Buuut…yeah…this is a shit show. I dunno what to say because OP lost me in the beginning with the physical attack! I would have been done with these people the moment they laid a hand on me and done with my husband too if he didn’t support cutting ties over that.

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