Post # 1
I’ve always been against making a man choose between his family and me. However, I feel like in this case I have no choice. We live next to my husband’s Mother-In-Law and SIL. I can’t stand them to begin with because of the way they treat us. She has always created drama during situations in which it should be the happiest day/event of our lives. Like throughout our engagement/wedding. They have tried to get into physical fights with me when I speak up and tell them what I believe they’re doing is wrong. Yet I still try to get along for the sake of my husband. He is always there at the snap of their fingers and if they don’t get what they want from him, they chew him up and spit him out. Whenever we need help even the slightest task is too much to ask from them. Recently we have somewhat become homeless and they refused to take us in while renovations are made to the house because they had no room. Now they have one of my SIL’S friends staying with them in their attached garage. We are currently staying with my friend’s parents for the last five months soon to be six. Anyway, after four years of trying to conceive we are finally pregnant and so far due in August if not late July due to being diagnosed with preeclampsia. Since then my Mother-In-Law has thrown temper tantrums and made verbal jabs at the people we are staying with because she somehow feels left out and my husband has been too busy with our house and preparing for the baby to pay attention to her. When they fight, she will bring up the baby for no reason and say she wants nothing to do with him. She will also proceed to call my husband names and tell him he is the stupidest child she has. Referring back to asking for a simple favor, we had asked her to hold onto a vintage painting given to me by my grandmother before she passed and my husband had brought it back to the place we’re staying to show/tell me that it had been ripped and punctured. I immediately fell to the floor bawling my eyes out and had a panic attack. He said they had gotten into an arguement about it and her reply was that it was just a picture. This woman moarns the loss of her husband everyday and then has the nerve to say that it was just as picture. Of course she also had to bring up our son again and told him if he is going to act that way then she’s not going to go to the shower. Sometime between then and now they had made up and now they are both coming to my baby shower this Sunday. They haven’t apologized to me about what happened. They’re make up was just all of a sudden and I feel totally left out as always. I told my husband that if that was the case they are not to talk to me or come anywhere around me for the sake of mine and the baby’s health. All he could say was sorry. In all honesty I feel just as mad at him as I am at them. I feel like I’ve been nothing but disrespected this whole entire relationship. My shower is this Sunday and I think after everything is said and done, I’m going to stay with my mom for a little bit for space and decide wether or not its best we part ways. I feel like because of her, I can’t be happy about giving birth to our first born. The one thing I’d prayed so hard for.
Post # 2
Aside from the dramatic scene of falling to the floor crying, best thing to do would be to put them all on a time out for an extended period of time – no contact with you at all; if Darling Husband wants it, he goes to them. They’re not allowed into your home or anywhere else you are going to be (shower, for example). And MOVE as soon as possible!
Post # 3
Physical fights? Really? This all sounds pretty drama-laden. Not sure why you choose to live next door to them. Seems like that’s the first thing that needs to change.
Post # 4
Don’t let toxic family members steal your joy! Unfortunately we don’t get to pick our family and it’s okay to cut people out that bring that kind of poison into your life. Self-care is of the utmost importance now. Healthy Mom, healthy baby.
Post # 5
They sound awful, but you need to do more to insulate yourself from them. These are people with whom you have a bad relationship. So don’t give them your valuables, don’t invite them to parties, and don’t ask to stay withdrawn fur six months. (That last one is a HUGE ask by the way; I’d refuse to have a family member I dislike in my home for that long too.) Hell – DON’T live next door to them! With a little space and distance and some effort on your husband’s part, they can become annoying people you see on occasion for a couple of hours, not huge focal points of your existence.
Post # 6
Why are you spending 6 months renovating a house next door to these people?!
If I remember rightly you have posted about these two before and they are insane. Punching something you owned would be enough for me to uninvite them to the shower.
Post # 7
You have a husband problem. I would two card him – couples and individual therapy or divorce attorney.
Post # 8
Move! Sell the house as soon as renovations are complete!
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
As soon as you brought up the painting I knew where you were going with it. Why would you have her hold on to it? Anyway. You are doing the right thing. You have to think of your health and your babies health. Unfortunatly you can’t chose who you in-law’s are. But you don’t have to like them. That is a very toxic relationship. Your husband doesn’t seem to be behind you. And it’s problary because he has had to deal with her all of his life and he is use to her vile ways, so to him it’s “how she is”. But it’s not right. Do you want you baby to be around a grandparent like that? You can’t even set boundries with this women because she sounds insane. After the renovations I would put the house on the market and move far far away from her. Get out of dodge bee.
Post # 10
Aside from everything else are you really comparing the loss of a picture to the loss of her husband?
You all sound over dramatic. If they’ve been this bad why would you renovate a house next to them?
Post # 11
Not having them in your sons life is the best thing that can happen for your son.
They are completely toxic, yet you keep them in your life. You are upset that they didn’t let you move in with them, are upset that they are threatening to not be involved in your sons life, you actually let them hang onto a very important painting of yours.
Wtf are you doing? Seriously. Instead of separating yourself, you’re involving yourself even more by trying to move in with them and what not. You’re renovating a house next door to them.
Your husband is another problem all together, not wanting to separate himself from his family. But it’s like you haven’t even considered that distancing yourself is an option. You’re acting like you’re stuck with them and how dare they not let us move in and have someone else move in instead.
You need to realize that you continue to invite this crap into your life. Once you see that, hopefully you can make healthier choices, preferably before bringing your baby into this crap fest
Post # 12
She’s got your husband wrapped around her finger. She has raised him to do anything for littl pieces of love from her, and beg for love after she’s been abusive. That’s not okay. Your husband needs therapy.
I have in law issues that recently pushed me too far. I calmly told my husband (who is a DuH in the in law department) that I’m taking a break from his family for a minimum of 6 months. After 6 months, I’ll reevaluate. He can have whatever relationship he wants. But I’m staying away, and if I’m staying away, so is the baby. So do yourself a favor and take a time out. Until AFTER the baby is born. Because she will surely ruin your first few weeks with your new baby
Post # 13
Sansa85 : All of this.
You can’t change toxic people, but you can change what is unacceptable to you, what you’re not willing to put up with, and how you handle it.
Post # 14
I’d cut them off. And I’d sell that house next to them. No way should you be living next door to people who treat you like that.
Post # 15
MancBee : I think her point was that the painting has symbolic meaning since it was given to her by her grandmother who passed away. Since mil is mourning the loss of her husband, OP would have thought she’d be more understanding of the grieving process and what the painting means to her…rather than vandalizing it!
Buuut…yeah…this is a shit show. I dunno what to say because OP lost me in the beginning with the physical attack! I would have been done with these people the moment they laid a hand on me and done with my husband too if he didn’t support cutting ties over that.