In law christmas traditions

posted 2 years ago in Holidays
Post # 2
47418 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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mm18 :  Plan an activity for the two of you, so you don’t change their traditions, but also don’t spend Christmas Day feeling sad. Is there somewhere you can volunteer on Christmas Day? Serve meals at a shelter? Buy socks and gloves and give them to the homeless?

Plan ahead for the next time you are there.

Post # 3
3986 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Traditions have to start somewhere, and I think you volunteering to cook breakfast is a great start. Maybe suggest watching Christmas movies during the day and going to look at Christmas lights in the evening.

Post # 4
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think Christmas breakfast is a great first start. Next you can go for a Christmas walk together enjoying the weather (if applicable), or watch a movie you love (Home Alone and Scrooged are favoritse in our family), then have dinner and go look at some Christmas lights! 

Post # 5
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I can relate. My in-laws are fantastic but it’s always a little sad for me how much quieter Christmas is at their house vs my parents (which is very loud and a bit over the top lol). 

My in-laws have been kind enough to let me incorporate some of my family’s traditions at their home. I also make Christmas breakfast for everyone when we are there.

You and your fiancé can maybe start some Christmas traditions of your own for when you’re at your in-laws that can add some extra merriment to the day.

Post # 6
4228 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have the opposite problem. I’m used to a quiet Christmas, and the holidays with my inlaws can be really overwhelming for me.

One “quiet” thing my family does is every year we get a new boardgame, and play it as a family?

Post # 8
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Have you considered not doing alternate years for holidays? Growing up, my family didn’t split holidays like that, instead we always did Christmas with my dad’s side and then always did Thanksgiving with my mom’s side. Perhaps if you really miss your family’s Christmas you could switch to always doing Christmas with them and then Thanksgiving or a different holiday with your husband’s side?

Post # 9
767 posts
Busy bee

We alternate Christmas’ because my sister shares her daughter’s holidays with her bio dad. On the years where we celebrate before or after the actual day we go out to the movies and go bowling. 

Post # 10
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I’ve never had a busy, noisy holiday. It sounds warm and cheery and I can understand why you would miss it. Try to spread some holiday cheer at your in-laws or go your own way on that day and as others suggested possibly volunteer? It’s just one of those things where the compromise means winning some and losing some. A quiet day doesn’t have to be depressing. You said you like your in-laws so try to pull them into some activities. Maybe talk to your husband and ask what he thinks they may be up for. Bring some movies and games with you. 

Post # 11
1525 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah same here, I have a huge 40 plus family and he has a tiny family. And it’s always kinda disappointing and off for me but I guess it’s what they are used to. I tend to really feel sad and nostalgic when I spend Christmas with them….I’m just looking forward to having kids and hearing laughter and little feet running around. That’s lovely that you’re creating your own traditions with breakfast, I might start doing that 🙂 merry Christmas 

Post # 12
2112 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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mm18 :  Yes, my in laws do christmas very different then i ever have, they have three grown children, so im sure part of the reason is theyve done and spent enough to the point where they over it, completely understandable. However they have teenage grandkids who dictate every holiday now, which typically means plans get cancelled at the last minute and we end up doing nothing which kind of kills any holiday joy for me. 

when i have our little one next year im probably going to be pretty presistant on doing christmas on christmas morning regardless if the rest of the family wants to partake, i am just not big on drawing out the holiday sitting and waiting all dang day for three teenagers to arrive which is what im currently sitting here doing. 

Post # 14
9112 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I guess I am in the minority because I think you are being extremely selfish. I think it is rude as hell to try and change how other people choose to celebrate. Your in-laws celebrate Christmas but you seem to be stuck on them not choosing to do exactly like your family does. 

Have you stopped to consider that during xmas with your family that your husband sucks it up and goes along with your families traditions instead of trying to change them? 

And obviously your husband has noticed since he had a reaction on your walk. Have you stopped to think how you are making him feel. Honestly, if my husband made me feel like my families xmas wasn’t good enough well he would never be invited again. 

My in-laws do xmas very differently to my family and guess what rather than bitch and moan about it I accept that every family does thing differently and that just because it is different does not make it bad or worse. You need an attitude adjustment. I feel sorry for your husband.

Post # 15
1282 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
mm18 :  I do see both sides of this and can understand a bit where j_jaye is saying.

I get that traditons have to start somewhere, but if his family is used to having a quiet Christmas day, it can be very overwhelming to be “forced” to do something different just because you want to.  I want to follow by saying that making breakfast was very nice, but maybe the music was overstepping a bit since your Father-In-Law went to watch the news?  Maybe they like quiet Christmas days – I know a lot of families that go out for one day but not both.  My husband’s family is like this.  They have a loud and crazy Christmas Eve, then on Christmas Day it is much more mellow – so much so it’s hard to believe that it’s the same family.  I think they use Christmas Day itself to decompress from all the busyness leading up to the holidays because they all go back to work the day after Christmas.  I also know people that get very overwhelmed when there’s a huge party; my Brother-In-Law is like that because his holidays growing up were very low key.

Marriage is about compromise and the holidays is a big one.  Next time you spend Christmas with the in-laws, take that time to relax yourself.  Don’t be sad, just accept that they do things differently than you do.

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