(Closed) In-Law contributions

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

That’s a little awkward to ask up front.  I think perhaps it’s best to plan within a budget that you can afford yourself to be safe.  You can use their contributions on detailing as it comes up. 

Post # 4
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You can ask them if there is something they’d like to pay for. Traditionally the groom’s family has paid for the rehearsal dinner. Or maybe they want to pay for flowers, or paper, etc. This can help you figure out how much money they’ll contribute, too. If they’re unwilling to discuss dollars and cents, I’d take the previous poster’s advice and make sure you can pay without their help.

Post # 5
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My fiance’s parents were going to do this at first as well, and I was panicking.  See if you can maybe get them to agree to cover finite items/services.  For example, now my Future In-Laws are covering flowers and giving us X amount of cash (in addition to the rehearsal dinner) 

If your Future In-Laws are anything like mine, they might be old-school and funny about sharing financial information.  So getting them to sign on to back certain items or services might work for everyone.

Post # 6
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I think you need to set your own budget and not count on their contributions. Just treat anything you get from them as a bonus. Also, it’s probably best to let your fiance talk to his family about their contributions. See what he thinks he wants them to pay for and let him do the asking. My fiance mentioned his suit to his parents, and they told him they wanted to pay for it. It saved us $ but we didn’t expect it, so it was a nice surprise. They are also paying for our honeymoon, so I’m being extra cautious about what contributions they make. I want everything to be relatively balanced. Are his parents paying for your honeymoon? If so, I would definitely limit the things you want (hope) they will pay for. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Mary-Alice: Looks like we were posting at the same time!

Post # 8
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

Ah! My future in-laws AND my parents are like this! It’s frustrating the crap out of me! So far we’ve paid over 4k in wedding expenses… and because our parents don’t have a set price we feel bad asking them to pay anything so we’ve paid it all ourselves thus far, which is fine… but we can’t keep affording to do it! 

Both sets of parents say they’ll know more when the new year starts… but I would like to know nowwww. Haha.

Post # 9
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i am having this issue with my own parents! it’s frustrating but what we’ve decided to do is act as though we’re paying for everything ourselves, and then whatever people contribute will just be a bonus 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can completely relate! My fils told fiance they would like to contribute, but not how much or what to. They too (him included) are fly by the seat of the pants people and I’m miss planner. Now I’m fairly sure they are covering the cost of food, but I still don’t know. Each time I try to bring it up to fiance, he gets flustered (doesn’t like to talk money with them)…so I too am planning things like only we are paying for them and any extra help is a bonus.

So, if you don’t feel comfortable asking upfront and your fiance won’t do it, I would (I am) as other posters mentioned, act like their contributions are just “bonus”.

Post # 11
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Have they said which “things” they’ll contribute to? I let our in-laws pick what they wanted to pay for, and they chose the honeymoon and the Rehearsal Dinner. If you can get an idea of what they want to help with, that might be a starting point.

Post # 12
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Eeeek! This can be so hard! I would suggest picking specific things for them to pay for. If you can, talk to them about how much they would like to spend. If the money conversation is too awkward (and it can be!) then maybe ask what the might like to be a part of… would they like to pay for the photographer (and perhaps be a part of the interview process), or maybe the champagne toast would be a good splurge for them. 

I would avoid having them pay for the miscellaneous items, like decorations for the ceremony or candles for the cocktail hour. That can be so hard to give them a pile of receipts and show them what they owe you, and they won’t feel very involved in the wedding. If you pick something larger, like helping pay for a vendor, they will feel like they are contributing more. The way I see it, if you are going to spend $1000 on a videographer, and $1000 on decorations, it doesn’t matter which one the Future In Laws pay for– but one might make them feel more involved (and might be easier to approach with them!) than the other.

If you know they want to pay for (as an example) the cake, and for the bridal flowers, then those are specific things that you can discuss with them, which opens up the dialog too!

Post # 13
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Three months into the planning and I am still trying to avoid this topic! Future Mother-In-Law spoke up in the discussion about caterers and alcohol that she’s willing to pay for food but not for people to drink so at least I know that they are willing to contribute financially but I still don’t wanna have “the talk”.

My Future Mother-In-Law is like me, details details plan plan plan type person so I’m sure once it is brought up she will understand why I need a number amount. My own parents want me to come up with the wedding then give them an amount, can you say backwards?!?

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