Post # 1
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
So long story short FI and his family had a huge falling out over the cost of the wedding and they asked him to move out of their house.
That was 2 years ago and the wedding is 5 months away. We have all been desperately trying to not have everyone hate each other anymore because its awkward and ruining the vibe for the wedding. At a recent encounter my FI asked his mother and sister what they were planning on wearing for the wedding and their reply was that they are wearing “black cocktail dresses seeing as how they are not in the bridal party”. It’s like they are mourning a death not going to their son’s/brothers wedding. I am really fed up with them in general, especially with the constant passive aggressive comments.
I’m venting and need some advice.
Post # 2
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
That’s a nutty thing to be kicked out about… Since you didn’t really give any details I’ll just ignore that point.
People will side-eye them if they show up in black, lol.
So sorry you’re having a headache with some junk!
Post # 3
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
That’s so awkward – I totally empathize. My FMIL has turned from sweet-but-mildly-dramatic family matriarch to raging control freak since the engagement (FI is her baby, youngest of five, only son.) All I can say is take the high road, rise above, ignore the tantrums, and pour yourself a really, really big glass of wine after you get off the phone with them.
Post # 4
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
No one is going to care if they show up in black. I think people make too big of a deal about that. Black is a nice colour on some people.
My bridesmaids actually wore black. I chose black because I think it’s classy.
So whatever their intentions are, just ignore it and enjoy your wedding.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by MrsGatito.
Post # 5
Member
7994 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
If they’re being that terrible about it, I would just stop saying anything about the wedding. They’re going to do what they want regardless, so it’s no use wasting energy on them.
Also, plenty of people wear black to weddings. Heck I’m wearing a black cocktail dress to my brother’s wedding coming up, and my mom wore black to mine. It’s fine and there were no “side-eyes”.
Post # 6
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
At least black is classic and clean and looks nice in photos. They could wear neon yellow or Hawaiian print.
Try not to let the anger you have about their past behavior seep into details about your wedding. Is it annoying? Yes, but I would guess that their attitude bothers you more than the dresses.
Post # 7
Member
45667 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I see more amd more women wearing black at weddings, especially formal weddings, and it has nothing to do with any sort of protest or comment on the realtionship.
Ignore them and have a wonderful wedding and marriage.
Post # 8
Member
4716 posts
Honey bee
They’re going to ruin your day, only if you let them. I think people who are passive aggressive are morons and tend to just ignore their attempts to bother/ hurt me.
When someone goes out of their way to act like that, they want a reaction.. Don’t give them that satisfaction, kill them with kindness.
Post # 9
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Just ignore them and focus on enjoying your big day.
Post # 10
Member
2352 posts
Buzzing bee
SK1015: It’s not about “wearing black”, am I right? I think people are missing the point, here!
It’s the “since we’re not in the wedding party…” passive aggressive bullshit. Pay it no mind and enjoy your wedding!
Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
Don’t let them ruin your day – then they win. Let them make their passive aggressive comments and let them see that they don’t bother you. Enjoy your day!!
Post # 12
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
@burlapnlace: you are absolutely right. Its the comment about them not being in the bridal party and therefore they are wearing black. This is just another thing on the list of things that they would like to leave their stamp on.
A big problem that we have is that FI is younger and his big sis is older and not engaged. It’s like we are living in the 1950’s where the girl has to get married first. As much as I want to take the high road, and believe me I’ve done so all along, it is getting to be so stressful that I want this wedding to be over with.
Post # 13
Member
2841 posts
Sugar bee
SK1015: My bridesmaids dresses were black— so there’s that.
I am a person who wears mostly gray and black– but I don’t come across as a dark, morbid person. I just prefer darker colors to brighter colors.
Unless I specifically requested not to, I would most definitely choose a nice black dress for a wedding– family or not.
My sister’s bridesmaid’s dresses were also black, and she was married in August (mine was a winter wedding). My MIL also chose a black dress for our wedding– and she asked me to OK the dress before she bought it.
I don’t see what the big deal is?
Post # 14
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
I am sorry, they are just being nasty. They will wear what they want, and if you want tell the photographer to put them in back in pictures.
Post # 14
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
I am sorry, they are just being nasty. They will wear what they want, and if you want tell the photographer to put them in back in pictures.
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