In-law drama keep you from attending a wedding?

posted 1 year ago in Family
  • poll: Would you attend this wedding?

    Yes, I would still attend.

    No, I would stay home to avoid drama.

  • Post # 16
    Member
    4109 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

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    wanttoremainunknown :  What are you concerned about with regard to your son being used in the wedding in a way that makes you uncomfortable? If you choose to leave your son at home (which is my suggestion), you could just say your mom offered to watch him and he doesn’t really like his car seat so traveling with him is stressful right now. You could say that you wanted a weekend away, just you and hubby. It’s not like your son is 2 months old, it’s reasonable to leave a 1.5 year old with his grandma for a weekend. Since you said he hasn’t been away overnight yet, maybe do a mini test run with your mom between now and then. I’m sorry the situation with your husbands family is so strained, that would be really stressful. I feel for you bee!

    ETA- I would also ask the bride if it would be OK to seat you and Mother-In-Law at different tables. Chances are, she doesnt want drama at her wedding, so this shouldnt be a big deal.

    Post # 17
    Member
    914 posts
    Busy bee

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    wanttoremainunknown :  hey, i know you dislike your Mother-In-Law but you don’t have an issue with your Future Sister-In-Law right? Aside from the fact she gets along with your crazy Mother-In-Law, am I right? If you’re okay with her, doesn’t have issue with the couple, can you consider attending their wedding? Speaking from the bride’s point of view here: I don’t have any issue with my SIL and my niece, but I think my SIL and mother have issues given they see each other more often. My wedding is in May, and I was given the impression they’ll all attend my wedding. I accidentally found out from my brother that my SIL and niece won’t be attending my wedding. I told them since October 2017 that the wedding is in May 2019. Ample of time to do all necessary preparations or let me know earlier. I’m not close to anyone, as I have a gaslighting mother helps to drive rifts between me and my brother since forever. But you know what? I thought i could have some kind of relationship with a level-headed SIL who can withstand my crazy mother. I am very hurt that she and the 2-year-old niece wont be there and didn’t even have the courtesy to inform me in person. Do consider this POV if you can. Or at least, tell your Future Sister-In-Law about this concern you have. Look past the idiosyncratic family drama for the sake of the couple, if you can. They will appreciate it i guess.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1753 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If i were you i would not say a word to either the brother in law, nor sister in law, nor Mother-In-Law about if you are bringing your son or not ahead of time. 

    I would simply attend without him and if anyone asked i wouldn’t explain. I would find it satisfying to show up with them thinking they would get their grubby hands on him and then he isnt’ there lol but that is just me. 

    There is a term they use on DWIL nation called Jadeing. Jadeing is when instead of saying NO, you say no and then give reasons why it is a no. The reason that doesn’t work with people like your in laws is because they see your reasons as something to address and argue with. So don’t Jade with them. Simply state things as a no with no explaination. It shuts things down pretty quick and is a strong healthy boundary. 

    Examples of a hard no. 

    – That doesn’t work for us. 

    – We felt it was best to leave him at home. (They say why?) It was what worked for us. 

    – (They ask where he is) He is at home with his grandma. (them asking why) Because we decided it was what worked best. 

    – Is it possible to have your mom come with you on the trip and keep him in the hotel room while you are at the wedding? 

    I think your decision really hinges purely on your relationship with your brother in law and sister in law. If you don’t think they would mind you not attending then don’t go. If you think it would break apart your relationship with them in a way you don’t want to happen then go and leave your son at home, or in the hotel with your mom. Only you can say if its worth going or not. 

     

    Post # 20
    Member
    9703 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

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    wanttoremainunknown :  

    Everything l

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    adyjane123 :  just said . No need to discuss your plans for your child  with anyone in advance .

    Post # 21
    Member
    914 posts
    Busy bee

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    wanttoremainunknown :  kids get sick all the time. Just saying. If you don’t want your Mother-In-Law to touch your son, then don’t bring him and say whatever excuse you can bear to say. My SIL will never leave her daughter alone at home. Right now, I don’t really care whether anyone from my family are coming anymore. I can understand it’s a long distance travel but heck, if they want to be, they would have bought the tickets 15 months ago.

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