(Closed) IN-LAW DRAMA STILL…They Don't Feel "Included"

posted 6 years ago in African-American
  • poll: Should the MIL been invited to shower, despite her openly saying she didn't want to be there?
    Yes : (42 votes)
    52 %
    NO : (39 votes)
    48 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    I think you’re justified! And as for his family, they can stuff it Mother-In-Law included.  You’re not marrying them– you’re marrying HIM. So long as he’s happy, you can be too. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    wow what an idiot. You cant win!

    they probably would have been pissed if they were invited to both and felt like you were being gift grabby…

    Post # 5
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee

    I think if you were having one shower, things would be different… but since you’re having two (at HER insistance) I think it seems like a lot of unnecessary drama on their part. You’re definitely not “leaving anyone out” in my opinion. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    Wow! I am sorry you have to go through this! MILs are suppose to bring the two families together not tare them apart. I wouldn’t bother arguing with Mother-In-Law at all, there is no point trying to move a mule! Too me, her behaviour is classless and her distain for your friends is totally disrespectful to you as a person and to her son’s choices.

    In my experience, it doesn’t get any better over the years. If they start the relationship as petty drama queens, it just never ends. I spend 6 years trying to be nice to my husband’s family. Unfortunately, I am not a mind reader who can guess the ever changing rules for how everything is supposed to be. I’ve tried everything I could think of. I even went to counseling thinking that I was the problem. After a while, the shrink said: “Why don’t you just stop seeing them? Life is too short!” I didn’t realize that was even an option! We don’t have to do anything anybody is telling us we must do. We only have one life and we should enjoy every minute of it.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    362 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Your Fiance needs to check them, quick, fast and in a hurry. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    They wanted their own shower so they should attend their own shower.  Too much drama for an event that isn’t about them.  Just do what makes you happy @ this point  And if you have a wedding planner, tell him/her that his family is difficult and you don’t want to hear about any drama on your wedding day.  Believe me, you will get all the gritty details afterwards.  I feel for you. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Wow. I answered the poll before I read the whole thing. I said “yes,” but now I don’t know.

    I guess the Mother-In-Law doesn’t speak for all the cousins and what not, so maybe I’d say to them–those not in the drama–that you are sorry if they are offended by not being invited to that shower, but you thought they’d be invited to the second shower, and you didn’t want them to feel obligated to attend two showers and buy two gifts.

    Oh, but from the look of your wedding date, this is all probably over with anyways. Good luck.

    Post # 12
    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee

    “I’m so over this nonsense and drama. I’m beyond stressed, and I do not care about their feelings. I’m tired of being the bigger person. I didn’t invite them because they will be attending the shower you are throwing on the 30th,”

    That was a mistake. It really doesn’t matter who is right. You can’t win.

    You should have invited his immediate family. You were not being the bigger person when you did not invite them. Then the ball is then in their court whether they come or not. It sounds like you were upset with her, so you took it out on all of them. Your mother and your sisters and your grandmothers are invited to each shower, right?

    Of course, she shouldn’t have confronted you, but you do have to understand that MOG are typically left out of many things and keep their mouth shut. It undermines the relationship for a long time. 

    If you feel you have to say you don’t care about your FI’s family’s feelings then maybe you need to rethink the entire marriage. Unless he is willing to never talk to his family again, both of you have some mending to do.

    Post # 13
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @FallMOG2013:  This post is 7 months old, and the OP has been married for seven months now. :

    Post # 15
    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee

    So they actually got married?  Do you know if the drama continued?

    Post # 16
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Sorry to hear. You are marrying the son NOT the family. good luck. I hope your hair grows back.

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