Post # 1
I am so irritated right now. I just got home from another get together and was made to feel like crap for wanting to go home and go to sleep.
A bit of a background. My Inlaws family are nightowls…they will stay up til at least 1 and closer to 3-4 when we get together for family celebrations. Usually, drinking leads to people sleeping over. However, in the past year, my fiance’s room was turned into a hobby room and his bed moved into the spare room with their 90 pound lab’s kennel. I am not allergic to animals but whenever I try to sleep in that room, even if his mom has vacuumed I can’t sleep, I wake up itching and feeling like my skin is crawling from the dander on the sheets and pillows.
I just cannot get any sort of ok sleep at that house anymore. So I talked to my fiance and told him I can’t do it. He completely understands and now if he drinks and wants to stay (I usually leave between 12:30-1) he stays and I go. However, I am leaving at like 12:30-1 and his mother tries all night to get me to drink even though I tell her “No thank you, if I drink I can’t drive and I am driving tonight), but she insists I sleep over and drink. His dad gives me weird looks for wanting to leave “early” to go sleep. If I stay I just fall asleep on the couch anyways I say to him and at least this way it is safer for me to just get home and to bed.
They spend all night trying to get me to drink and then try to delay me leaving by making comments and insisting the spare room is clean enough (its not, my sister in law and fiance agree its still gross, but he is drunk and doesn’t care).
I don’t know what to do anymore, me wanting to leave at midnight and go home in my mind is nor unreasonable but to them I am seperating myself from the family by leaving “early”. HELP!
Post # 3
While I do think it is unreasonable to exspect you to get drunk and stay… If it is such a huge issue to them, could you bring your own sheets or something to use on the bed so you know they feel clean and such but then also aren’t leaving in the “middle” of family time. That sounds like an adventure for sure!
Post # 4
I think you’re handling it perfectly. However, your Fiance needs to step up and run interference for you and tell his parents to lay off pressuring you to drink/stay over.
Post # 5
When I had a dog I never noticed how much her fur was everywhere and how much dander was on the furniture, and I never noticed it at other people’s houses….after she died and years passed it became SO clear to me when homes were covered in pet dander/fur, but when you live with it daily and you love the pet that stuff just melts into the background….unfortunately for guests who don’t own pets it stands out. So they may really not see how much of a problem it is for you.
That said, either way, they need to let up. I’d have Fiance tell them that your feelings are getting hurt over it–you want to stay the night but you can’t and they are making you feel terrible about it. Perhaps there is another room you can suggest you two stay in? Or maybe pack a 2-person sleeping bag you can lay out over the bed and bring your own pillows? But even if you find a way to spend the night, your Fiance should still talk to them about it.
Post # 6
That’s annoying that they actually pressure you to drink. I’m sure it comes from a place of having fun and enjoying each other’s company, but it’s still a bit strange. I would do exactly what you did in that situation. Hopefully the fact that their son stays and you’re ok with that makes it easier for them to get over it.