Post # 1
Dear bees, I’m hoping you can help this befuddled groom to be with a problem. Long story short (and to preserve annonimity) my problem is my in-laws have a very different idea about what our upcoming wedding should look like, than my bride and I.
We are an over 35 couple, first marriage for both oof us. We want small, intimate and informal with a cocktail party reception. They want hall, sit down 4 course, very traditional style wedding.
It seems to be sucking all the joy out of my future bride and I don’t know what to do. Every time she is with her mother it results in a session of emotional blackmail.
I always support her and make sure she know’s I’m on team “us” but beyond that I’m not sure what to do. I handle my folks and side of the family and they all bought in. Do I intervene with her folks or just make sure I’m there to support her?
I just want this process to be fun for her again.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@lurkinggroom: Send her here so that we can point out that if you two are paying for your own wedding she doesn’t have to do shit that her or your family wants her to do for the wedding.
Stop telling them what details you can, and just tell them when and where to show up!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Yep! You came to the right place.
Your bride-to-be needs to stand up for your wedding. She can listen to her family’s suggestions, but that’s all they need be: suggestions. Someone somewhere on this forum said it well: Tell them “Thank you for your suggestions! I’ll definitely think about them.” And then ignore. 😀
Post # 5
Randy from Say Yes to the Dress, says that if you are old enough to have a wedding, you are old enough to have the wedding you want.
Is it safe to assume that the two of you are paying for the wedding? I would think so at your age. Then you make the decisions
Many parents make their judgements based on what wedding traditions were at the time they got married. Have the wedding you want, and you will more than likely be surprised at how much they enjoy themselves at the wedding.
Post # 6
@mchitt329: That was my first reaction as well. To be fair to the inlaws, they offered to fund the traditional wedding. It just isn’t really us, or how we picture things.
We are paying for it ourselves, which I think also hurt her folks. They had set aside a very generous amount of money for when their daughter got married and we turned it down. They are both retired and we are more than capable of paying for the wedding we planned. We would rather they kept that money for themselves and their golden years.
It is easier said than done to just tell your folks, even at our age, to like it or lump it. There are always going to be hurt feelings etc. She is their only daughter so I guess they (more than her!) had this wedding in mind for her.