Post # 1
Hey ladies… i need some advice!
My Fiance has 2 older sisters. He is 25 and his sisters are 37 and 39. We were always going to put his 37 year old sister in the bridal party because shes single and im close with her (she also doesnt look a day over 30). But his oldest sister is married with two kids and im not very close with her. Apparently she freaked out when she heard she wasnt in the bridal party. My Mother-In-Law is apparently going to have a “talk” with me about it.
Would it be weird to have her in the bridal party? should i stand my ground or give in to avoid a fight???
Also, her husband is 45 (20 years older than me!!!) would i be obligated to put him in it as well????
Post # 3
Put yourself in her shoes. She is probably pretty upset that her sister is in the wedding and she isn’t. I know my feelings would be hurt.
What does your Fiance say? Are any of your siblings in the wedding?
Post # 4
we both agreed that she wouldnt be in it but now he changed his mind since his mom talked to him about it. but he said it was totally my decision.
yes i have a brother as a groomsman!
if i put her in it am i obligated to put her husband in it as well??
Post # 5
For me, I put my SIL in the wedding to avoid that exact awkward “talk” from my Mother-In-Law. It ended up being a disaster….
However, in your case, I think the fault came when you only asked 1 Future Sister-In-Law to be your bm. I think you either need to include both your FI’s sisters or none of them to keep it “fair”. Having your Brother-In-Law in the wedding as a groomsmen would be up to your Fiance to decide since he would be standing on the groom’s side.
Post # 6
@misscherry12: It’s your day and up to you, but I can understand why she would feel left out if you have FI’s one sister and not the other.
Post # 7
Hmm that is a tough one, and I’m sure you’re feeling defensive about your Mother-In-Law wanting to have a ‘talk’ with you, I know I would. An almost 40 year old woman shouldn’t need mommy to have a talk with someone because she wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid. On the other hand, I do think it’s kind of awkward to have one sister and not the other. It would be different if they were very apart in age, I know she is older but two years is nothing age-wise. And it really shouldn’t matter if she is single or not. Generally I think the bridal party should be all about who is close to the bride, but this is a tricky case that can be an exception just to not cause any hurt feelngs in the family you’re marrying into.
What does your Fiance think you should do? As far as the groomsmen go, I’d leave that up to him. But guys really don’t care as much about that stuff.
Post # 8
I think it’d be a little strange to have 1 sister and not the other, to be honest. I would be a bit hurt as well. It doesn’t matter if a bridesmaid is married or not. I had 6 bridesmaids and 4 were married! I don’t think you’re obligated to have her husband in the wedding party, that would be up to your Fiance.
Post # 9
Do they both want to be in the bridal party? My Darling Husband is 28 and his sister is 42 and while I would have offered, she really wasn’t interested in being a bridesmaid so we asked her sons to be our usher and ring bearer instead.
Is there maybe another role they could play other than bridesmaids–some other kind of attendant, reader, etc? I feel like even if you aren’t as close with both of them, it would be a nice gesture to give them the same role in the bridal party.
ETA: And no, I don’t think you need to give her husband any sort of special role.
Post # 10
Don’t put her in the wedding to appease her. By the way I find it ridiclous that someone her age is behaving this way. I say tell your mil you are closer to that sister, and perhaps let the other sister do a reading or something small.
Post # 11
@misscherry12: I would stand your ground. Tell your SIL you love her but you didn’t think it would be fair to make her due Bridesmaid or Best Man duties with a family. Make it all about her hehehe. Say that you were looking at the costs of dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, your bridal showers and your bach party and you did not want to be a financial burden to her. Offer her a reading and say you’ve spoken to your Fiance about it and your decision is final.
Seriously, stand up to your Mother-In-Law. If you let her ‘win’, you set a precedent for the rest of your marriage
Post # 12
@LuvMySailor: I did that with a friend. It caused a huge rift in the relationship. She felt it should have been her decision and honestly it should have been. It is like saying thanks but no thanks.