Post # 1
My fiance and I both agree to either eloping or having a private desination wedding with just the two of us to make our wedding intimate and special. Our goal is to avoid the stress of planning as well as the financial responsibilities.
Meanwhile, my fiance’s family is expecting a large wedding with an open bar and band. Being that they are from south Louisiana…they like any opportunity to party. His family has done this before with my fiance’s college graduation party which ended up being an party for his parents friends. They also do not plan to pay for the wedding, leavine my fiance and I all the debt as my parents cannot afford to help.
I come from a small family. A traditional wedding with guests sitting on opposite sides would embarrass me as his numbers would triple mine. My family also does not drink and would feel very uncomfortable at a party wedding reception.
I am torn between having the wedding that my fiance and I dream of, and the wedding that will attempt to bring our families together. Suggestions?
Post # 3
You can have your wedding, especially since they aren’t contributing financially. Your Fiance could tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you both decided you want a private ceremony (or whatever you choose) and if she wants to throw a party after she is welcome to do so on her own.
Post # 4
How about destination wedding, immediate family only. You would avoid upsetting parents anyway 🙂
Post # 5
Yeah if they’re not contributing financially I don’t see why they get any say in things. Have the wedding you want and tell your Future Mother-In-Law that if she wants to throw an at-home party to celebrate she’s more than welcome to do so, but you’re not interested in planning it. They’ll get over it.
Post # 6
I missed a very important point in my previous post….
I am not close to my family. I do not want them at my wedding. They also cannot afford to travel to a destination wedding. If my family doesn’t come, I do not think his family should attend either.
Post # 7
I say private destination wedding and then a celebration for whomever they goose when you come home. Don’t give up that intimate, private dream for YOU.
Most resorts offer a videographer so they can front the money for a video if they choose and show it at the celebration.
Best of both worlds.
Post # 8
@ladybugg10: i dont think its fair to exclude his family simply because you dont want yours there. how does he feel about it?!
otherwise a Destination Wedding could be a great solution. if hes willing, you could elope just the two of you. if hes close to his family however he might find that very hard, and regret not spending the day with them
Post # 9
@ladybugg10: I hear you. It’s hard to balance the wishes of two families. I’m going to second what the other Bees have said — have the destination wedding you and your Fiance can afford and invite both families to attend AND talk to FI’s family about whether they would be willing to host a reception after the Destination Wedding, which will be the party they want.
It won’t be an easy discussion, but make sure that you are clear that 1) you are trying to compromise with them by having a Destination Wedding and then a party-like reception afterwards (emphasize the reception is for THEM and their friends); and 2) that you can only afford to be pay for the Destination Wedding — if they want to have the reception as per their wishes, then they should be willing to chip in for that part. They nvite just their friends if they are hosting.
Good luck planning!
Post # 10
There is a part of your situation that is the same as mine: I am not close to my family and they won’t be invitied to my wedding. However, I will not be stopping Fiance from inviting his family – I’m not punishing him (or them) because I don’t have a good relationship with mine.
Ideally, I only want FI’s parents there. As we probably won’t be getting married for at least a couple of years, I’m waiting til the nearer the time to make an definite plans.