(Closed) In law issues (long post)

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I could imagine your frustration, you guys are obv being excluded intentionally and it really seems like a big misunderstanding.  If a relationship with them means that much to your Darling Husband then maybe the 2 of you should approach his parents and lay it all out on the table.  Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better, and if it just causes more drama then at least they can give you their rational as to why they do what they do?  What about when (if) you and your Darling Husband decide to have children and they not going to want anything to do with them?

Personally my Darling Husband and I have cut out his family almost completely, and it is for the best.  They are completly addicted to drama and negativity and we are much happier as a couple because of it.  Maybe just move back to Texas where you have support if possible? Its extreme but distance is EXACTLY what I need from my in laws I WISH we could move lol. So if its possible maybe just take off and spend time with people who value you guys!

Post # 4
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

Have they perhaps ever felt that his being gay is making you and/or Fiance feel uncomfortable or disapproving?

Post # 6
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Mudkipmurron:

I’m a blunt and upfront person.  I’d go straight up to her and we would have a long talk.  Honestly I’d tell them if it doesn’t change you two will be moving and may never even just visit.

Post # 7
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Mudkipmurron:  Oh the in-laws can be so complicated. I’m sorry you are so far away from your family and feeling so disconnected from the family you live close to. I think you and your husband should have your Mother-In-Law & Father-In-Law over & really just share with them how you are feeling. No one can deny you your feelings. “We feel hurt when you invite the whole family on vacation and exclude us.” And if their reply is, “we don’t care about your feelings.” Then you have your answer. You would never allow friends to treat you this poorly just because your husband shares DNA with them doesn’t mean they get to be abusive and disregard your feelings. Put it on the table and if you two are in a position that would allow you to relocate then do it. Make your expectations clear and stick to your limits. 

Post # 8
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am going to tell you a little secret. I have always been my daddy’s little girl and my Mommy s sweety pie princess… I quote.

I moved to Canada to go to school and my parents came to visit 5 times a year.

Then my brother that I adore love and worship got married and in less than two years… Popped out 2 babies. I love my nephews with all my heart but sonce they were born my parents visit once a year If I am lucky. They call less and when I go back home it is not the same they obviously give priority to the babies. They live next door so you can imagine that. And then… My sister in Law …. She gets away with everything. She can be mean, cruel, spoilled and my mom tells me ” be nice, dont say anything”.  I am pretty sure you understand what I mean.

 At first it was painful but now I realize. I had te spotlight for 23 years. And my brothet didnt complain once. So what you need to understand is that right now it is their time. So if you are really concerned you need to ask your in laws these questions:

 1. Have either you or your husband done something wrong not to be included?

2. Ask to be invited for the trips and pay for them yourselved if you can afford them.

3. Ask if you make the gay couple uncomfortable. It might have been something you dont know

If it is none of the above then dont take it personally. And like I said just understand it s their moment. And they are trying to overcompensate on one child.

Post # 9
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

This jumped out at me:

My in laws invited my brother in laws boyfriend and his entire family even though we had never met them and were concerned about my husbands catholic grandparents freaking out at our wedding when then figured out brother in law is gay.

Were you seriously considering not inviting your BIL’s boyfriend for fear that other guests would freak out? If so, I can see why there’s been a wedge between you and the rest of the family. It sounds like they are staunchly supporting BIL. And if you at any point dismissively referred to BIL’s difficult process of coming out as an adult to his very-Christian family as “creating a ton of drama”, well, yeah.

 

Try approaching this with a questioning, not an accusing frame of mind. Perhaps there’s been a misunderstanding and they think you aren’t supportive of BIL and his relationship. Even if you *are* supportive, if in the past perhaps you’ve said things that could have been misinterpreted. Like the paragraph above.

Post # 10
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Your Darling Husband really needs to talk about this!

She’s trying so hard not to lose one son, that she’s going to lose her other one!

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