(Closed) In-Law Issues

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Could there be two times for the dinners: one an earlier dinner with say just her and the out-of-towners, and then a later dinner for the rehearsal dinner?

That way, she could go to both dinners!  She’d just have to eat a bit lightly for her first meal… ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I kind of understand a LITTLE bit where she is coming from, because it would be awkward as a guest to come down for dinner and see all of my family at their table. It might make some guests feel weird, and possibly run the risk of them crashing your rehearsal dinner and talking to you guys the whole time anyway after they see you in the restaurant. If I couldn’t find a resolution with your Mother-In-Law, I would possibly consider another venue. Not saying you should change your plans for her, but if you were at another venue she would not have any excuse to add to the invites. Is she adding these people and expecting you guys to pay for them? She shouldn’t force you to add anybody to your rehearsal dinner because like you said you want to keep it small. I’m sorry you’re in this position, it’s a tough spot. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 5
2641 posts
Sugar bee

That’s a good idea Mr. Bee.

Is she paying for the RD?  If so, can she simply offer to pay for the OOT’s dinner? 

While I ilke the idea of inviting OOTers to the Rehearsal Dinner, it kind of sounds like she has motives other than to be generous to them for their efforts in coming to the wedding.  For one, you indicated she is only concerned with her oOT guests.  (What about the OOTers on your side?  If your parents were paying for the wedding, would it be fair to say we’re paying for the wedding so only ppl on our side are invited?  Sorry, I might have read that wrong.  Just seen too many posts like this before.) 

And to piggy back on the first thought, I think she is wanting to visit with all of the Out of Town guests on her side.  That one I can’t hold against her.  If Mr. Bee’s idea works for her, she will get to visit with them.  OR maybe she can work out a welcome party to host in one of the hotel rooms after the RD?  Otherwise, if she insists on leaving to visit with the OOTers, maybe just figure out a timeline for the Rehearsal Dinner, so she doesn’t miss speeches and important stuff.  And let her go.

Good luck.

Post # 6
374 posts
Helper bee

Hi.  I understand the awkwardness of ignoring out of town guests, as it is a cultural thing and cultural expectation for us to invite out of towners.   Let her invite them to join you, especially if she is willing to foot the bill for both.  Be nice.  You get more with honey than vinegar.  Ask her if she would be willing to also include your out of town guests.  This is not about who will win the argument. 

My cousin invited us to dinner because for us it is a cultural expectation for out of towners to be include; and then the groom’s mother told her she had to uninvite us.  It was terrible.  In the end the groom’s mother changed her mind, but the awkwardness was still there and we ended up not going to the wedding for a different reason.  But it isn’t a nice way to start the marriage.

What will you do?

Post # 7
129 posts
Blushing bee

I disagree with the suggestions to invite the Out of Town guests.  Maybe I’m wrong in how I interpreted your post, but it seems as though your reasons for keeping the dinner small aren’t just financial, but mainly to keep it more intimate.  I do think you’re running the risk of some Out of Town possibly feeling awkward about being at the same venue as the rehearsal dinner, but if I were a guest, I really wouldn’t think it was a big deal at all.  The rehearsal dinner is customarily limited to the wedding party and famiy, which most people hopefully would respect.  I think it’s a little ridiculous that your Future Mother-In-Law can’t take a couple hours to spend at the dinner, especially if there will be other time during the weekend to hang out with the Out of Town guests. 

Post # 9
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Wow this is an issue my friend is dealing with as well. I saved myself from this and I am having it 2 weekends in advance to avoid any problems but my friend has 80 people in total from out of town and her Mother-In-Law is paying for the rehearsal and determined to invite everyone. She is upset because she wanted something small and for it to be for the bridal party only. She has no choice really but to give in since she is paying. So i feel you and wish you luck. You can do it like me if you aren’t doing a destination wedding ๐Ÿ˜‰

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