Post # 1
My fiance and I just got engaged 2 weeks ago after dating for more than 2 years. Yesterday, Thanksgiving, was the first time his relatives would see us since our happy news. Within minutes of us getting inside- just enough time to say a couple hellos and get a few congrats- his mother walks around with a picture of his neice wearing a shirt that says “Big Sister” (the thing is that to us she was up until that point an only child). Yes, my future sister-in-law (who was not there because she lives in a different state, but will be coming in for 2 weeks for Christmas) was having her second pregnancy announced at our Thanksgiving dinner/engagement party!!! I am beyond furious!! This is a woman(his sister) who did not even call us to say congratulations (yes, she did send a gift -“warm, loving sister insurance”).
Some of his family members made comments after like “wow way for her to steal your thunder” and “nothing like letting you have your moment.” Helps me realize that I am not wrong for thinking how cruel it was for his sister (his mother too, but I can understand that she would be excited for another grandchild especially if she was only told that day) to out-shine her brother on his milestone. He had never asked for recongition from his family because it was always given to his sister. His mom didn’t want to celebrate his 30th birthday this year (or her niece’s 21st) because it fell in the same month as her only grandchild’s 1st birthday and that to her meant that was the only one that should be celebrated.
How do I handle this situation?
Post # 3
That blows.. dealing with the Future Mother-In-Law when she’s doing something that upsets you is a very touchy situation. It doesn’t seem like she’s being spiteful since she does it to her own son. Is she excited about the wedding? I don’t think I would say anything to her about it, just see how she is in other situations. It seems like she just loves her grandchildren! Which is good in the end, when you two decide to start your own family!
Post # 4
hmm…thats a tough one to deal with, something similar happened to me when I was pregnant, and it turned out what stole my thunder was a lie anyway :(. That was 8 years ago and I have not said anything to my sister about what she did to me. I have spoken to my mother about it. It is still a thorn in my side. If it were me I would have been like (clear my throught loudly to get everyones attention) “ok so anyways I wanted to thank everyone for coming to thanksgiving and our engagement party. We are also equally happy for grandma that she is having another grandbaby, ya never know we might get started right away after the wedding 🙂 and then she will have three then or who knows maybe even twins!!! “
I would have been congraulatory to her but I would have reminded everyone what party this was about. Since it is past tense…how did the engagement party go? did you guys announce? did you guys ta;l alot about the wedding details with many people? did it turn out to be an engagemnt party or a congratulations to grandma party? If it did turn towards grandma and nothing really happened with the engagement party I would do the party over.
But I am so sorry that sucks! *HUGS* AND CONGRATS!!!!!
Post # 5
I don’t know. Since Future Sister-In-Law wasn’t actually there I don’t think anyone was trying to outshine you. It’s also her 2nd child, so as far as family excitement it’s not quite as big of a “woo hoo” moment as the first child would be – except for the grandmother, they are always excited about new grandchildren. I think she’s just an excited Grandma and there since everyone was there, she wanted to share the happy news and passing around a cute photo wasn’t a big deal. She was probably dying to tell everyone and if she didn’t, it probably would have been awkward that she had that news and didn’t share…
Now if Future Sister-In-Law had been there and personally took all the focus off you guys and made the day about her, that would be one thing. Maybe because you don’t seem to be a big fan of Future Sister-In-Law you feel upset by this, but I don’t think anyone meant anything by it.
Congratulations on your engagement. I do hope you had a nice time other than the pregnancy news.
Post # 6
It sounds like your Mother-In-Law and SIL weren’t intentionally trying to overshadow you – sometimes, people just have no idea that their behaviour is inconsiderate. To me, that’s what this sounds like. They were probably so excited about the baby that they didn’t even realize that sharing the news at your engagement party wasn’t the right venue – I can see how they might think it would be a good opportunity since your family was all together.
The fact that some of your fiance’s family members were making comments about her stealing your thunder means that they weren’t really letting this baby news overshadow your party, which is a good thing, and I hope that helps to soften the blow!
I know it can be hard when there is a history of tension, and I’m sure it was really frustrating to be overshadowed like that, but I think all that you can do now that it’s happened is give your Mother-In-Law and SIL the benefit of the doubt and assume that they didn’t mean any harm by it.
Post # 7
I’d let this one go. It’s really rude and inconsiderate, but it sounds like there’s a history of the sister overshadowing. It’s not worth starting a fight over.
Post # 8
That is really rude! My best friend went down to Vegas to get married. It was the first time her family had seen her since she had gotten engaged too (they had a short engagment!), and the day before they left, her FBIL’s girlfriend practically MADE him give her a ring so that she would have one to wear in Vegas. She was flaunting it all over at their wedding. Then, they got totally drunk at the wedding, and dind’t make it to brunch the next morning! My friend was sssooo pissed! But, like you, everyone else noticed and thought it was tacky. So, I think you need to not say anything and just be happy with the fact that others noticed it and thought the same thing. It makes you look like the bigger/better person that way.
Post # 9
I thnk the timing wasn’t appropriate, but the only thing you can really do is drop it because you can’t go back in time and change things. One thing to be happy about, at least it wasn’t at your wedding! 🙂
Post # 10
Do you and your FIL’s have a strained relationship?
If this happened to me, I wouldn’t be upset b/c I love my Future Sister-In-Law & I’d be so happy to find out she was having another baby. I think its actually exciting for his family that now there’s going to be another baby AND a wedding! What a wonderful time for his family 🙂 HOWEVER, I’d be pissed with the people who made mention to her “stealing your thunder” what the heck! Were they trying to ruffle your feathers? That totally angers me.
I’m sorry this took away from your day 🙁 Lets just hope your Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t give birth on your wedding day.
Post # 11
I don’t think you can do anything about it except acknowledge it was a tacky thing for them to do. And, sounds like everyone agrees it was in poor taste. It’d be one thing if it was only Thanksgiving, but since it was your Engagement party, that’s a no-no.
Post # 12
UGH i totally understand how you feel. Although… nobody reconized she stole my thunder. Shes always out to steal it and she knows it. She has postponed her 3rd pregnecy for our wedding… We moved our wedding date to a later date and she moved her ” im getting prego” to later so shes due right on time for our day. UGH
Post # 13
I don’t mean to sound like a total grouch, and I don’t know your Father-In-Law situation, but if I were you I wouldn’t be too upset. Babies are a big deal, grandmas will be grandmas (even though this one might be taking her role a tad overboard) and just because this one is going to be #2 doesn’t make it any less important. While you and your Fiance will be joining lives together, this baby is a brand new life, and a milestone for your FI’s niece! Your engagement is really exciting news, but while it is the biggest part of your lives right now, Thanksgiving is a family event and you and the baby are both going to be new members of the family. So while it would have been nice to have the only highlight of the evening being your recent engagement, I wouldn’t say that it was cruel for the SIL to have her pregnancy announced as well.
Post # 14
That doesn’t sound like a fun situation, but just to put it in perspective, I think getting engaged is about you and your Fiance, and getting to bask in the attention of family and friends shouldn’t be a priority.
We didn’t have an engagement party or any big gathering where people showered us with attention. My parents congratulated us over the phone and took us out to a delayed celebration lunch months later (which also coincided with mom’s b-day so it wasn’t just for us). Otherwise, friends and family said congratulations the first time we told them and some sent a card. It would have been fun to have “our moment” at family gatherings, but I don’t think it’s a huge deal.
Post # 15
Thank you all for your input. I forgot to mention that my Future Sister-In-Law just had her first baby a year ago! Every holiday and any celelbration has to be about her and her baby! This was the case even before the first child was born! It makes me sick!
I am not saying that the family shouldn’t be happy about this new child, but Future Sister-In-Law just found out a few days ago. You’re saying it couldn’t of waited less than a month to be announced?? Everyone needs their time to shine and we were looking forward to celebrating with his family. His extended family is extremely warm and enjoys momentous occassions- Future Sister-In-Law has already been engaged, married and had her first child. She can’t stand (or FMIL) having anyone talk about anything else but them. I truly hate the situation and Future Sister-In-Law invokes a lot of anger from me because she is so self-absorbed and its all allowed by the mother.
Post # 16
My sister is the queen of trying to outshine me – but she does it by lying. When I got engaged, she then went around saying she was going to be engaged soon (her on again/off again boyfriend had no clue about this) and kept insisting she needed to know the total carat weight of my ring first. Why? So she could tell everyone she was getting a BIGGER ring. (He didn’t propose, because she’s a total liar). I’m the only one in our family to go to college, but she lies on both her resume and Facebook that she has a degree from William and Mary. Um, she’s never even lived in Williamsburg NOR has she ever gone to college. She’s almost 40. It’s just sad. And I never called her out on any of it because I didn’t want to embarass her. At least your FI’s sister has actual things to be celebrated, even if the timing is kinda sucky.