- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
so bees, this is really just a vent post since I just need to get some stuff off of my chest.
My in-laws have been driving me crazy since my Fiance and I got engaged. First, our families are from different parts of the US, and the two of us live in the middle. So, when planning our wedding, I figured we would have it where we live. Also, my grandparents are the ones paying for the entire thing and they live in the same town as us, so I figured since they are shelling out thousands, make it easier for them. My FIL’s didn’t like this, and when we told them about our plan to have it in our town, my Future Mother-In-Law said, “how dare you not even consider our city without even looking. You didnt even try.” It hurt my feelings, but it was the first time we had disagreed on anything so I calmy explained my reasoning. They didn’t want to let it go so we said ok, we will look online. After looking at over 30 venues in their city, I couldn’t find one in our budget. Their city is a destination for weddings, while ours is much cheaper but still very much my Fiance and my style. So, I told them we wouldn’t be able to afford the wedding if we had it in their city. They got upset and said just wait and we will look when you come to visit. Well, my Fiance and I went to visit and found a venue that was a bit out of our proce range and we did not like as much as the one in our hometown but in trying to make his parent’s happy, I said I would try to fit everything into our budget so we could have it there. By doing it this way, we needed his parents to agree to pay for a couple of things (I figured that was the least they could do since we moved the entire wedding for them). My Fiance asked his parents if they would be able to pay for the officiant and floral (which I was ordering from a wholesale website and would be $300). They got upset and said since when do the groom’s parents pay for anything. We told them that we saw in my wedding book that the groom’s parents will sometimes pay for that stuff (and more which we didn’t ask them to pay).My FMIL’s response was, “well then we better get our money back from my in-laws because they didn’t do that for us. Mind you, it was in a snarky voice. Long story short, they got upset and it was looking like they weren’t going to pay. However, FFIL told me he would pay for the officiant if we use the same one they had. I think that’s special so I agreed. Then, we started talking about the rehearsal dinner and I said I was ok with anything cheap (backyard bbq or something) and the response from my Future Mother-In-Law was, “well, you don’y even need one”. Again, I would have been able to pay if it wasn’t in a city that was going to cost so much for everthing. I feel that if I am asking all my good friends to travel across the US, the least we can do is feed them hot dogs in the backyard to say thanks. Future Father-In-Law finally agreed and started looking at expensive restaurants and saying we need a cocktail hour at the rehearsal. That would be great, but they were still saying they would not pay for the floral. My feeling was that I would rather have a low key rehearsal and have them pay for the floral since my grandparents were paying for everything else plus paying to spend the weekend in another city during the wedding. His parent’s weren’t having it. So, here we were with an expensive wedding with a venue we dont necessarily like, an expensive rehearsal and no flowers.
Finally, I decided the wedding would just cost too much to have in the in-law’s city. I had to move it back to the city we are in. The wedding in my in-laws city was going to be at least 10,000 more! Let me justify this by saying we have been engaged 2 years. It was not last minute and no guests had been told anything about location yet.
So, the wedding is now back in our city and significantly less in the venue we fell in love with from the start- not to mention, my grandparents don’t have to spend money on travel and hotel during the wedding weekend. My Fiance and I met with the officient in our city and loved him. We called my Future Mother-In-Law and told her how much we love him and his fee. We asked if that was ok (if it wasn’t it was now ok since everything was going to be so much less now). She proceeded to get angry and huff and puff and cry. She told us how they can’t pay since we changed evertything on them and it just won’t work because they can’t even pay their mortgage. Which made me feel horrible for even asking…BUT, she then said, “now that its moved and we have to pay to come there, we shouldn’t have to pay for anything else. She then said my parents can just pay for the officient” Fiance got a bit upset at this and told his mother that my parents are already paying for other stuff, plus they also have to travel from another city. Her response to that was, “well they would have had to travel if we had it here (in the expensive city) so they should just pay.
I am not a spoiled person or one to call people out and tell them they have to pay for things…I said ok and reassured her it was ok. BUT, when I found out that my Future Father-In-Law then went on a men’s golf trip out of town and Future Mother-In-Law went on a girls trip out of town and then they both took a $2800 cruise, I was more than upset. How can she sit on the phone and cry to us and make us feel bad for asking about an officient and then turn around and take 3 trips in one summer?
This all was just the beginning…other things have been said to me (including when my Fiance wanted to go back to school to get a master’s degree and they didn’t approve, my Future Mother-In-Law took me aside to distract me while my Future Father-In-Law took my Fiance aside and told him not to do it.) when I realized what was happening I was upset that they didn’t just sit down with us and have a grown-up conversation. Their response was, “this doesn’t concern you.
There is more, but I will stick to the wedding issues!
Fast forward to designing the wedding invitations. My grandparents are paying for more than 90% of the wedding. Because of that, I was having trouble deciding how to word the invite without making my parents feel bad for not paying but also not leaving my grandparents out. Plus, my parents are divorced. Just a lot of things at play here. So, to keep it simple, I put a cute quote and put Please join us at the marriage of ______ to ________. I left off parents names so as to not offend anyone. Future Mother-In-Law was outraged and said, “oh, no you are putting our names on that invite”. I explained my reasoning and she said, “yeah, you will put our names though. I just felt so disrespected. Not to mention, I designed the entire invite on the computer. She didn’t say it was pretty or nice job- Just criticized my wording.
Next, the bridesmaid dress. I took my Future Sister-In-Law to try in dresses. I knew I wanted something that would cover the bust since my sister’s and his sister are all well endowed. When I found the perfect dress and asked her if she would try it on she had a fit. She didn’t want anything but a sweetheart neck. I said let’s compromise and get one shoulder. No, she wanted only sweetheart neck. That wouldn’t work for my sister’s and to be honest, it didn’t work for her. I’m not even wearing sweetheart neck because I want to be a bit more covered. When I told my Fiance about what happened he confronted hsi mom and asked if she could speak with my Future Sister-In-Law. My Future Mother-In-Law yelled and said I was lying and that never happened. She said my Future Sister-In-Law was a perfect angel. I couldn’t believe she completely lied!
Then, if the bridesmaid dress wasn’t enough, fast forward to the groomsmen outfits. my Future Brother-In-Law is the best man. I found the perfect suit for the men to wear. It was cheap and perfect. I told the groomsmen for 5 or more months to buy the suit since it would eventually sell out. My Future Brother-In-Law needed a special size and my Future Mother-In-Law asked me to find where they can get it. So, I searched until I found his exact size and sent her the link and again told her they need to buy it ASAP. She said ok. The next month my Fiance told me his mother said they got the best man’s suit. Well, come to find out last week, they never really got the suit. Guess what, it is sold out now! So, the best man and another groomsman (FSIL’s boyfriend) don’t have the suit! So, instead of getting upset, we called my Future Mother-In-Law and told her it is sold out. I told her that at this point I just want to marry her son. I then said that we could have them wear the same type suit in a different shade and it would look like we meant for them to be mismatched. I was really trying to just make her feel ok since she cried over everything. She then proceeded to say, “oh, see then it works out better then.” My Fiance was so upset that she couldn’t even apologize for not getting it and lying about it that he said, “no, it works because we are making it work.” She then got upset that we were upset.
My question is, am I the crazy one? Honestly, it may seem like a one sided story but I assure you, it’s the whole truth!
That was a long vent, but it is 3 years worth of anger and pain.