(Closed) In-law problems!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you’re completely justified.  I’d probably tell them it’s your wedding and they can either attend or not, but the details, since they’re not paying for anything, are up to you, period. 

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

1. Your Inlaws have been unreasonable and I think you guys need to learn how to be firm with your choices. Stop engaging with their demands, and tell them that the plans you make are final.

2. The money thing is tricky, and given their track record it would be nothing but trouble down the road. The fact of the matter is it doesn’t matter what they paid for and they really don’t need to justify not payiing things for your wedding. While its nice for parents to contribute they shouldn’t be obligated too. Had you guys left your wedding in their city, I don’t think it would have been asking too much.

3. YOur Fi should take the lead on dealing with them. Distance your conversations with them, just reading about thier antics is giving me a headache

4. Take a step back relax, and limit the wedding talk so you don’t strangle your future inlaws lol!

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

That a great way to think. Stand your ground so they learn that they can’t push you around.

Post # 8
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Msshihtzu:  First off, i really feel for you! i can really say that you should be proud of your fiance’s mature dealings with his family: its not like he’s taking their side. You will see that after all is said and done & after he has seen all this from his family he will be more distant with them after the wedding (its a shame really).

 

Your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law sound like all they care about is money (keeping it in their pockets) its so sad because that is their son, you would think they would be happy to do anything for him but they are happier when they spend money on themselves, its called narcassitic parenting. 

 

My only advice would be for you to just stand back, and focus on your relationship with your fiance and let him deal with it because it seems like he has it under control. 

Post # 9
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m learning that weddings (particularly when it comes to the money part) can bring out the worst sides of people. I agree with the other posters. For your well-being, I would take some distance (good thing they live far!) and let your fiance work things out with them. It would be a shame if all your MIL’s antics distract you from this exciting part of your life. But know that you are right, your feelings are valid, and that either way, you’ll have a wonderful wedding and marriage coming up!

I also agree about standing your ground. Your behavior now sets a precedent for what they think they can get away with later. Be firm but civil… though it sounds like that is what you are already doing! I hope things go more smoothly with future planning.

Post # 11
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I agree with the previous posters – stop giving in to their demands and they’ll hopefully stop making them. That doesn’t mean you have to be harsh to them, when they make a suggestion just say “We’ll think about it.” Also, your Fiance needs to be handling your Future Mother-In-Law. It sounds like she’s blaming you for everything because it’s easier for her to blame the “new girl” than her beloved son. He needs to represent a unified, solid front. 

Best of luck! 

Post # 12
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Msshihtzu:  Whew!  that was a long post so I’ll do my best to address everyything.

1 – by agreeing to have the wedding in their home town, you acquiesced, you gave her more power.  DON”T DO THAT!  And this wedding is just the start, this is something you and your fiance have to get used to… the two of you are creating your OWN FAMILY…. she does not get a say – it’s up to you and your fiance. 

2 – if they don’t pay, they don’t get a say, so don’t ask for her opinion

3 – why are you having every conversation with her?  it sounds like your fiance is somewhat out of the loop with all this stuff.  if she brings crap to you, tell her “you need to talk to fiance about that”

4 – ***MOST IMPORTANT***  You are going to your Mother-In-Law for probelms you have with the Bridesmaids and the groomsmen… again giving her the perception that she is important, powerful, the cure-all.  You guys are not doing yourself any favors here.  Not to mention – your SILand BIL are not your MILs problem – they are your problem (you and your fiance).  You and your fiance are adults and you need to deal with this… the more you go to her, the more you reneg, acquiese, the more she is going to undermine you as adults, as husband and wife.  NUT UP and handle this.

 

***edited because i dont want to come off like a bitch – the advice i gave you is empowering – it’s meant to make you feel stronger in your interactions with them and more secure and confident in the decisions you and your soon to be husband make as a married couple.  So don’t misinterpret!***

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

For the love of god STOP pampering to this woman – you owe her nothing than a thank you for having her son and invite her like any other guest. Plan the wedding YOU want and ignore the bitch. She will only get away with as much as you let her so learn to start speaking up for yourself or she is going to walk all over you forever.

By The Way, i think you should put your grandparents names on the invite for the extra pissed off points you will get from Future Mother-In-Law

Post # 16
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If your family is paying for the wedding then they alone are hosting the wedding. It’s their names that go on the invites. Good luck, hopefully after the wedding her drama will be over!

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