In-law problems!!!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think these things she is getting angry over are very trivial and gives a hint of entitlement, why give in to her whims, it is your and your fiance’s wedding your grandparents are paying, if you do not set boundaries now, wait til the future and you have a house and kids, now is the time to set boundaries or it will be that way for the rest of your life; unfortunately you cannot choose your in-laws, you marry the whole family, I say keep minimum contact and stay neutral;you have only one day to make this right, do you really want to give in when you object, it will leave a nasty taste in your mouth; your Fiance should keep her in check if you want the grandparents’ names then do it, assert your future wifely rights, she’ll get over it, give an inch, they take a mile

 

regarding money, it’s not their obligation to pay for your wedding, that’s where I disagree, if they want to contribute that is their preogative, it’s not their obligation,  it’s a privilege; if you need their help to pay then it means you need to scale back or pay for it on your own; it’s not a couple’s right to obligate help from parents, just my 2 cents

Post # 18
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What a mess…

I feel terrible for you.

(((Hugs)))

Please, do NOT give your Future Mother-In-Law any more say in your wedding.

She has had her chances.

You and your Fiance seriously have to stop giving her so much power.

Post # 19
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

holy crap, you’re just way to nice to your in laws. I come from an asian family and we’ve been told that you’re not marring just him, you’re marrying his family, but I say you have to draw the line somewhere! Your in laws sound selfish and ungrateful. First they demand that you move your wedding venue (who does that?) to accomodate them when your grandparents (who I presume are much older) has not compared about having to travel. Then they make all these crazy demands about outfits and what not. You’re definitely not the crazy one in this story. 

i understand your willingness to be patient for the stake of keeping things good between your fiance and his family, but at the end of the day it’s YOUR wedding and you be able to do whatever you want and feel good about it. 

Good luck! 

Post # 21
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow these people have no idea what a saint they are getting for a daughter-in-law…..you really are acting the bigger party.  

Traditionally the wedding invitation lists the individual or individuals paying for the wedding as doing the inviting.  Your grandparents really do sound like such lovely people and should be recognized for they generous part in your big day.  This is not a negative against anyone, but simply indicating to your guests are there due to the kindess of your grandparents. 

Your in-laws really would benefit from a book on etiquette….. It’s your wedding and no one is obligated to pay for it…..but playing the old bride’s family card, along with being ignorant is also unreasonable considering the changes being considered at their request.

Just for the record the groom and/or family traditionally are responsible for 

1. planning and hosting the rehearsal dinner (this includes taking care of the check)

2. marriage license and officiant’s fee, 

3. bride’s bouquet and going-away corsage, boutonnieres for men, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers

4. complete honeymoon

You really do need to remember that this special day belongs to you and your groom.  That said you need to be firm when you indicate your wishes.  Unfortunately has come down to you and your groom deciding just what you can be flexible on and what you cant and as politely as possible letting all know what those things are. 

Perhaps your groom can talk to his brother one-on-one and let him know how he is feeling about things without involving your Future Mother-In-Law.  Avoiding this woman as much as possible would probably go a long way to soothing raw nerves, especiall for your groom.  That poor man is between a rock and a hard place…….

Your FSIL could also benefit from that etiquette book too.  Again you have been a saint here as well.   I guess she missed the part about agreeing to be part of the wedding party means she is there to support the bride.  Unless she’s under the age of 5, she should be ashamed of her behavior….mayeb we can spawn a new reality show maidzilla. Sorry couldnt resist. 

Again you are being forced into deciding what elements you can compromise on and what you cant. If your Future Sister-In-Law can not see herself working within YOUR vision for YOUR wedding then firmly explain to her that you are trying to compromise and if she would like do dress differently than the bridal party you can accomodate her by having her perform a special reading during the ceremony instead. Firmly give her the choice of choosing between conforming to the standards you have set for your bridal party or taking on a different role. In this way  she can dress the way she wants and not adversly impact your eintire wedding party.

 
With all the unnecessary stress forced upon you and your groom, dont forget to take special time out for each other.  I bet he is feeling pretty bad about how his family is acting.  Dont forget to remind him that he’s the love of your life and you wouldnt have it any other way…….Good Luck Guys on your special day.

 

Post # 23
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When you decide to get married everyone goes crazy!!! lmao

 

First let me tell you my in laws are from a town called HELL lol.  They are so difficult it’s just ridiculous.  They are multi multi millionares we had to beg beg beg for 11,000 for our wedding.  My old retired parents on a fixed income are paying 12,000.  We are paying the rest. MY fiance has two brothers the inlaws paid for pretty much their entire weddings. YUP that’s rights! Granted their are a few internal issues with my fiance and his father for the past two years but who cares?  It’s their son’s wedding right? NOPE Tracking her done to make payments has been hell because they are in europe right now.  Oh btw I had to change my wedding date because they refused to come home for our wedding they don’t want to miss the feast yes the feast they go to every year at their vaca home. His mother doesn’t even call to see how are wedding is going. She dislikes me obviously but I have had to buy everything off ebay and spend all my money because she won’t give up hers.  It’s just awful. we aren’t even sure if his dad is coming. 

 

So long story short they are all crazy and we are normal.

 

My cousins flipped over my bridesmaid dresses also.  They are wanted to pick their own?? r u kidding me?  one of the cousins dropped out of my wedding due to the dresses, i had to rush order the dresses so i just picked two and told them to go in and try them and explained the situation to them. They became very angry they didn’t get to pick dresses.  it was awful they screamed at me.  anyways in the end i know have four dresses with two moh’s and a jr bridesmaid three maids oh and the another dress for flower girls! I had to just make them all the same color ugh it was awful! The over weight cousin kept saying the younger skinnier pregnant bridesmaid was going to look better than her…really? Do i really care? it’s about me and my wedding not you get over yourself lmao

 

GOOD LUCK!! I’ve been dating my fiance since i was 17 i am 29 the in law crap never ends you will never get along with them EVER. I have tried many things none work

Post # 24
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

oh and btw do not speak to his mother at all costs!!! let him handle her and go through him to her for wedding things, This will be the best thing ever for you I promise you!

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