(Closed) In-Law Vent. Sorry, it’s long…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

I personally don’t think wearing shoes in the home is that big of a deal, in fact, I think it’s the norm in most homes. Buuuuuut, the fact is that your FI’s mom was not being respectful of your wishes in your home, and that’s the real issue. Nip it in the bud as best you can, asap.

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Why didn’t you say something to her? A simple “I would really appreciate it if you took your shoes off before you came in” or even buying her those shoe booty things they wear in the hospital. I won’t really say its disrespectful, because some people wear shoes inside all the time, but she definitely should have asked if you wanted her to take her shoes off at least

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think the shoe wearing thing is a cultural thing? I’m chinese so taking your shoes off when entering a house is a must. It’s not just the cleanliness factor, but a respect factor. So the fact that your Future Mother-In-Law was told repeatedly to take them off and didn’t is VERY disrespectful to me.

Post # 6
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You should have just asked her outright to take her shoes off but I find it odd that she didn’t just get the cue from everyone else who had taken their shoes off. 

Honestly? These are not big things to get upset about. Yes they’re annoying and you have a right to be upset. There is really nothing you can do except next time ask her to take her shoes off and hand her some slippers. 

Post # 7
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I completely agree that every house is different in the shoe expectations, but the fact that she was asked multiple time to not wear the shoes around the house and kept doing it would have driven me nuts! I would get a cute little rug for when she comes that says “Leave shoes here”.

Post # 8
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Maybe for Christmas you could get her a pair of house slippers to give her the hint? I agree with PP’s – I usually take my cue from other guests, if their shoes are off, so are mine. It’s not something that I make a big deal of in my apt, but if they’re full of mud or something, I would hope guests would recognize they should take them off! I find it odd that she kept them on after repeated requests by your Fiance to not do so. Sounds like a power struggle in the making……pick your battles but realize she’ll probably progress to not honoring your wishes on bigger things as well.

Post # 10
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Some people just don’t like shoes being worn around their apartment/house.  It does trick in things, stains carpets, etc.  She specifically wanted the shoes off because of her niece and nephew.  I can completely understand that.

I’m sorry your Future Mother-In-Law decided to make herself too much at home.  I’m sort of surprised how she did, but I guess she thought she could because it’s also her son’s place.  Some people are strange like that.  She should know that it’s disrepectful to put your shoes on furniture though.

Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think you’re going a little Joan Crawford here. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect someone to respect your home, but you’re an adult. You have to be the one to politely but firmly speak up if you feel someone is being less than respectful. “[FMIL] I know it seems a little uptight but I’d really appreciate if you could take your shoes off when you come in. There’s a basket right here. Thank you so much for understanding!”

Post # 12
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@KatyElle: agreed.

I really don’t see why you just can’t speak to your Future Mother-In-Law directly about this. If confronted directly, do you really think she’s going to deny taking her shoes off?

Post # 14
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

@KatyElle: NO MORE WIRE HANGERS! Lol!

 

@GwenvonD: Cleanliness/personal preference issues aside, her not respecting your niece’s allergy is NOT acceptable. I’d have taken her shoes off myself, in that instance, lol!

Post # 15
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@GwenvonD: right there is the perfect opening to ask her – after lunch at the peanut shell place, when you got back to your place, you or Fiance should have spoken up and said ‘my young niece will be here tomorrow and she is severely allergic to peanuts, if everyone could please just leave their shoes here as to keep the floor free of peanut shells, that would be great.’

Post # 16
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I get it, my husband never says anything to anyone so I’m always the one who has to look like the crazy wife, but oh well! I used to never say anything and would silently be angry, now I’m perfectly comfortable saying “I know I’m probably being over-cautious, but I’d really appreciate you not giving [daughter] that food yet. She’s not old enough but we’ll let you know when she is.” Or “Mom, I know you love to spoil [daughter] but she can’t have any cookies until she finishes dinner.” If you’re smiling and don’t turn it into a lecture they can’t say anything, and if they do you just say “I know it seems that way, but in our house it’s just the way we do things. We really appreciate you understanding, thanks!”

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