(Closed) In-Laws and my daughter

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow. I can see why this would upset you and your daughter. I am really sorry that both of you are going through this.

Besides just coming out and reminding the In-Laws about the jealousy issue, there isn’t much you can do. If you dont want to start any potential drama, you could try setting up a baby-free date with her and the daughter. Emphasize that this is baby-free and this is so that they can spend some special time together.

I really hope things get better for both your daughter and you soon.

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I dont even bother with the Knot! They are so catty over there. It’s a whole different world!

I wouldn’t judge your Fiance too harshly on this situation just yet. Does he treat your daughter right and give her plenty of attention? You can always try to strengthen their bond if the grandparents aren’t playing along!

Post # 7
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@ABCarlyle: I also think things like this happen when both children are blood relatives. A new baby always gets more attention. Would it be too much to go have coffee with your Future Mother-In-Law alone and tell her that your daughter loves her and misses her. Is this something two adult women can talk about and do whats best for the child? This will only work if you are not overly emotional during the discussion or it could appear confrontational.

Post # 7
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I come from a large family and new babies are pretty common. I’ve clearly seen how new babies can take over, I specifically remember one Christmas where my little cousin X stated, “I hate grandma she only loves baby Y”. It wasn’t true but to a little kid who doesn’t understand why grandma is obsessing on someone other than her it seems true. My parents have a video of my brother trying to attack a 6 month old me because my grandma was holding me when he wanted to go play. It’s normal for their to be jealousy.

No one is going to love your baby as much as you do so you are going to notice everything and analyze it all. I will say that I think it was pretty crappy for their to be a cousin girl day sans your daughter, that would piss me off and I would actually confrot your Future Mother-In-Law directly about it (nicely of course) but everything else seems pretty normal.

Post # 8
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

My heart aches for both you and your daughter.  We had a similar issue to this problem with my husband’s bio dad and step mom.  From my past experience, I believe that your fiance needs to have a serious conversation with them about what is going on.  He needs to make them aware how hurt your daughter is.  I hope he will do this.  Otherwise, I understand your hesitancy to marry him. You actually do marry the family when you marry the man.

Post # 10
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I personally would tell your Fiance how you and your daughter is feeling and lay it on the line. Exactly what you told us.  And that you are maybe rethinking marrying him and into his family if his parents can’t act like grandparents to your daughter also.

My Darling Husband, his brother has a step son and their parents treat this child (well teenager now) as if a blood grandchild. That is the way it should be if you are marrying into this family.  In fact, when I met Darling Husband, the only way I knew this child was not a blood grandchild is when my then Boyfriend or Best Friend now Darling Husband told me he was a not a blood grandchild. 

You and your daughter feelings matter just as much as this new baby for grandchild wise!

Post # 13
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I would suggest you have a serious conversation with your in laws. Explain to them the situation… remind them that it is natural for children to be jealous or hurt when they don’t get the attention that they used to and that you would like for them to make an extra effort to make her feel ok because your daughter has been saying (x,y,z). It was a really good idea to take your daughter to your parents for a little while. 

Post # 14
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

At last someone going through the same thing. my Future Mother-In-Law was lovely to my little girl when they met (she was 1) presents at christmas eggs at easter etc then I had a baby with Fiance she paid less attention to my oldest, three months later my Future Sister-In-Law had a baby now my kids may aswell not exsist. My oldest gets nothing for her birthday my yougest gets £5 in a card. my FSIL’s child gets at least £100 in gifts from Future Mother-In-Law and future father in law. on christmas eve we visited Future Sister-In-Law where she gave a present to my youngest from future father in law my oldest didn’t even get a card and asked me why. she is 4 what am I supposed to tell her?

My Future Sister-In-Law said she felt awful she never realised how differently our children were treated to hers. she told us her child had a stack of gifts for christmas compared to the one gift my youngest got (which was a supermarket brand t-shirt). the children didnt even get a card from Future Mother-In-Law

My Fiance is so passive he just lets everything slide but I am sick of it. I have asked him to tell his family to either treat the children equally or not bother at all. Even my ex’s mother my oldest daughters gran buys my youngest a birthday and christmas present. and she has no raeson to so why cant his family make the effort? (sorry this is a vent on your vent just wanted you to know your not alone)

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