In Laws and social media with a hint of husband's ex gf drama

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

#1 what are you doing around your in laws that could jeopardize your careers? 

I personally don’t find big issues with people posting pictures of me except I hope to god I don’t look like I have 3 (or 4) chins and like I just dragged myself from under a troll bridge.  They want to share their family with friends like most people do.

As for the ex gf. If they are close to her so be it. Who cares if she has a peek into your life? She isn’t involved in your life. You’ve never met her. She can sit there and be jealous (if she even is) it has zero impact on you. She obviously still has a relationship with his family so be it. Sometimes when our family are with someone for a long period of time they become our family. Seperation or divorce or whatever doesn’t have to extend to everyone, just the couple. My ex still goes to see my mother and fixes thing in her home and I have his sister and aunt and his ex sisterbin law on my fb and I’ve attended their thanksgiving when he wasn’t going..lol. just because we didn’t get along doesn’t mean we have to cut every relationship we made who is connected to the person. 

Post # 3
Hostess
11437 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

lentilsoup :  Fiance and I do not allow public sharing of our pictures for work reasons. If they can’t abide by your rules, don’t text them anymore pictures and restrict what they can see on your FB pages. 

As for his ex, that is a choice they are making. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly with exes unless they did something hideous like abuse, but that doesn’t mean you are comfortable with it. So again, their choice impacts your willingness to share with them.

there’s a theme here: Limit their access. 

Post # 4
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Yeah. I guess I was wondering what top secret things the IL’s are sharing? Personally,  I think the best thing is to have your personal life match your professional life. Don’t do things that would negatively  impact your career & then you won’t have to worry. And if things are truly covert ops level, why are you sharing that with anyone? – My brother works for a federal contractor & works in Afghanistan-  I have no idea what he does or where, precisely, he goes. He’s pretty open about posting when he’s leaving & coming back from work gigs, though. Posts pictures from Dubai, etc. It’s not that cloak & dagger. He’s former military.

Post # 5
Member
2510 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Tell them that because they have repeatedly ignored your request to ask before posting pictures of you, they won’t be receiving pictures any more.  No need to go no contact, just stop sending them pictures.  I’d be prepared for them to share each and every picture you put on social media yourselves though.

Post # 6
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee

lentilsoup :  Different people have different views about privacy. I don’t think people need a “reason” to protect their privacy. It is not acceptable to share other people’s photos without their consent.  As a PP said, don’t share any photos with your inlaws. If they post any that they have taken themselves, you are within your rights to post them a request to remove them.

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

That sucks that they ignore your request and post anyway.  I’m also a federal employee and yes,  we do gets lots of trainings on this lol, although thankfully I’m not a high security person,  so we’re only told to be cautious and not restricted from anything specific. 

In any case,  I agree with pps, don’t text them pics anymore,  it sucks,  but sometimes you have to take the tough love approach. Maybe if they can show they can resist the urge to post about you all for 6 months,  you can let them back in on a trial run.  If they violate your trust again,  permanent ban. 

Post # 13
Member
7213 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

lentilsoup :  “The only reason I even keep my inlaws on my social media is so that I can keep tabs on what they post about us.”

You can change the settings on your posts so that certain “friends” can’t see them. If it’s only a couple of people (just his mom and dad) that are the issue, I recommend setting this up so they don’t see what you post. Do you think your husband would be willing to do that?

Post # 14
Member
426 posts
Helper bee

lentilsoup :  I had to follow OPSEC with my last job. I never posted where I worked, pictures of any logos or photos of me wearing any logos or uniforms.

stick to this rule and you will be fine on social media. 

Post # 15
Member
426 posts
Helper bee

jannigirl :  OPSEC doesn’t require one to not say when and where one goes, but for less espionage risk it is best to not say anything. The risk is being in a foreign country and someone targeting you to find information. I never advertised where I worked, nor what I did. When I traveled I said I was an admin. I never said that I was an admin in the ballistics field. Does that make sense?

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