(Closed) In Laws asking to be in wedding. rude?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsHudak: I wouldn’t do it. Just tell him you would rather not for the reasons listed above. Seems like legit reasons to not have someone in your party. Maybe she can be involved in some other way? Like help plan a shower, etc. Good luck & have fun! 🙂 It’ll work out!

Post # 4
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

To be honest, I think it’s a nice gesture to include in-laws in your side of the wedding party – my sister and I were bridesmaids for my SIL at my brother’s wedding and we really appreciated it! I was already pretty close to my SIL, but it really helped her and my sister connect too.

Ultimately, it’s up to you whether you want to include her. As I said, it’s a nice gesture, but it’s not compulsary, and I would imagine if you didn’t include her, it shouldn’t matter too much. If your fiance wants, he might want to include her as a groomswoman on his side

Post # 5
3229 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsHudak:  Just let her be in your wedding party. It really is just one day while she will be part of your life forever (hopefully).

Post # 6
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

What about having her do a reading or something like that? That way she is a part of the ceremony, but doesn’t have to be included in all of the Bridesmaid or Best Man bonding activities.

Post # 7
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How many siblings dows your Fiance have?

If that is his only sibling, I would consider it rude not to have her in the party. The wedding is about the 2 of you, and such he wants her in the wedding party as she is close to him, she doesnt have to be close to you. It wuld mean a lot to him to have her up there.

I had a similar issue with my Fiance and my only sibling. He didn’t want to include my brother because he would have to cut a friend from his party but he realized that it was the right thing to do as it would make me happy.

Post # 8
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsHudak:  I think it is pretty common actually. It is a good bonding experience. You dont want to be one of the girs on here after your wedding complaining that they all hate you right?

Post # 9
4031 posts
Honey bee

@MrsHudak:  While you do not know her well, it could be a good bonding experience (like you mentioned). While it is your wedding, it is also your fiance’s wedding too. It might mean a lot to him have his sister in the wedding party. 

My brother and sister are in the wedding party, and so are my FI’s brother and sister. His sister is 6 years younger than me (we never hang out) and my Fiance does not always get along with my brother. But we decided mutually that family was important and that we wanted our siblings to be a part of our day, just like they are a part of our lives.

I would encourage you both to make a decision you can both agree on. 

Post # 10
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m having a similar problem with in-laws FI’s cousin is pissed off because she can’t be a part of our wedding party, yet the girl has never spoke 2 words to me and blows me off whenever I try to have a conversation with her. I said no, he said no.

I do think it is extremely rude for others to ask or expect to be in your bridal party, However in your situation I would probably just include her since she is FI’s sister and you will have to deal with her after the wedding. Just think how you would feel if you have/had a brother who you really wanted in the wedding party and Fiance said no. My Fiance has 2 sisters and a SIL that he asked me to include, it sucks cause I had to leave all my friends out of my bridal party, but in the end they are family and I feel it is a very nice gesture to include each others siblings in the wedding party. Since you two don’t hate each other and barely know each other, like everyone else said, it will be a good bonding experience with your new SIL.

Post # 11
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@thefuturemrsD:  sisters and cousins are different. I think it is perfectly reasonable to have a sibling in your party if asked. Now in your situation I’d need a good reason for the addition.

Post # 12
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t do it. And yes, it is rude to ask.

If you don’t want her in your party, then don’t! See if there’s something else she could do to feel part of the wedding, but that doesn’t always mean being a bridesmaid. It blows my mind that people (that are not the bride and groom) think that “wedding” means, “I MUST be important, because this is about MY feelings, so I need to get what I want” instead of actually respecting what the couple wants for themselves.

I could see trying to make an exception because your Fiance may really, really want this… but if it feels wrong to you, don’t do it. I can understand wanting the experience you’ve been dreaming of without the added pressure of someone you don’t really know.

Post # 13
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I really don’t see the big deal in including her. I understand you only want the people you are closest to but you have to remember that this is his sister and he’d want her in the wedding party. I would want my fiancé to have my brother be a groomsman for our wedding and I plan on asking his sister, who I’ve met twice, lives in another state, and don’t really know that well at all, to be a bridesmaid. And to be honest, she’s definitely more reserved and not as spontaneous and outgoing as I am. But I am considering my fiancé’s feelings on this and what he would want too. It would be horrible, I think, for all his brothers to be groomsmen and his sister be completely left out just because I want to be so strict about who my bridesmaids are. It’ll be a great bonding experience. Afterall, she’s going to be my family/SIL. 

Post # 14
8679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

So wait, did she specifically ask to be in the wedding, or that’s just what your Fiance wants? I personally don’t see the big deal of allowing her to be in the bridal party really. She lives so far away, it’s not like she’s going to be a big part of your day to day planning.

Post # 15
32 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s rude to ask and you shouldn’t have to include her.  She’s going to be in your life forever and it’d be great to use this time for getting closer but you’re only going to get one wedding.  Instead of feeling uneasy and trying to include her in the group say no and enjoy the time with your girlfriends.  

Maybe find out why it’s important and try and accomodate in some other way.  Is it about pictures? does she want to sit at the bridal table? does she want to be closer to you? 

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