(Closed) In-Laws Don’t Want to Help

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Bichon Frise:

Sorry, but back when I got married -a loooooooooong time ago, the only thing IL’s generally did was pay for the rehearsal dinner.  (In my case, I don’t think my Father-In-Law even did that!-I think my parents paid for it!)  It’s pretty much a “family joke” about how cheap my Father-In-Law is.   And it was usually just the bride, groom, parents and wedding party-that’s it!  Unfortunately the IL’s really aren’t obligated to pay for much-if anything. 🙁

Post # 5
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My in-laws aren’t involved in any aspect of the wedding at all, and we’re paying for the rehearsal dinner ourselves.  In fact, they were completely surprised that they even have to be there for the rehearsal.  To make sure that they’re coming, I had to remind them that they’re getting a free dinner. 

Post # 6
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@Bichon Frise: My IL’s aren’t doing anything and aren’t paying for or doing the rehearsal dinner. On that same subject neither are my parents. If you feel offended then I dont know what I shoud feel. :/ Be happy your parents are able and willing to help 🙂

Post # 7
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you should think of it as a good thing.  Some of the bees have overbearing inlaws and have the opposite problem (too much involvement).  If they’re nice to you otherwise, it might mean that they just don’t care for weddings. 

Post # 8
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be hurt if it were me…. that being said, not much you can do about it. Surround yourself with friends who are happy to help and plan with you.  🙂

Post # 9
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My IL’s haven’t offered any help, financial or otherwise.  I am just fine with that, as I don’t feel the need to explain my choices to anyone.  Take on the projects you and your Fiance can handle, and consider any help you get a bonus.  I’m a believer that no one is obligated to help you with a wedding you decide to have. 

Post # 10
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My future in-laws won’t help with anything either…not even the rehearsal dinner.  What really annoys me is that they just bought a new horse (already have two).  I just accept it for what it is and try not to get worked up about it.  There’s nothing we can do anyways.

Post # 11
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that them not paying for the dinner is one thing (it’s frustrating…but they don’t HAVE to pay for anything) but I would be upset/hurt/annoyed at their complete lack of interest in helping out with DIY etc.  Kind of sounds like they just want to show up.  I sort of know what that’s like because my inlaws (who were financially very generous about the rehearsal) were not really interested in planning the rehearsal or in any of the details for the actual wedding…I’m not sure if it was a case of not wanting to overstep the traditional bride’s family role or if they didn’t really care.  At times it was hurtful and frustrating.

Do you mean reception dinner or rehearsal dinner?  Sorry…that was confusing me.

What does your Fiance think?

Post # 14
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Natalieh86: Take on the projects you and your Fiance can handle, and consider any help you get a bonus.  I’m a believer that no one is obligated to help you with a wedding you decide to have.

This! To me paying towards my wedding equals input/control, so I’m rather happy to not having any outside involvement. I can defintely see from your POV how frustrating this can be, feeling like they don’t care. Yes it would be a nice gesture, I’ll give you that.

However, I also I think that if couple chooses to DIY (in the hopes of cost savings, thats great) but that doesn’t mean that as a family member I’d be okay with someone expecting me to “work/volunteer” on my free time. I’ll offer if I want to.

Besides you said he has offered to pay 12 meals, which is certainly better than zero. I think you should be happy that they’re honest enough to tell you they can’t/won’t be help with now, rather than committing to do it and then disappointing you later on.


Post # 15
7309 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Meh… Mr. LK’s family offered no assistance with any wedding-related projects, and showed no interest in helping with the Rehearsal Dinner, either. It really wasn’t a big deal to us. They did surprise us by giving us some money on the day of the Rehearsal Dinner, and that was a really nice thing for them to do. 

I do understand that it is disappointing that they aren’t more excited. But not everyone is into weddings. Your best option is just to let them be who they are, expect nothing, and go about your plans without them. The thing is, weddings don’t change p;eople. They will be who they will be. The real question is, how will YOU deal?

Post # 16
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry they aren’t offering you that support you need:( No one is helping us and my Fiance hasn’t been working for 8 months. BUT i am getting support by friends ( them offering to help with other things) and I if i didn’t have that I’d be crushed. And about the hors dourves, some people are just weird about that stuff. It was nice of you to offer to help them feel more involved but I wouldn’t take it too personally that they declined.

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