Post # 1
So im only 7 days past the birth of my son, and my in laws who have always agreed that the two of them would have no issues watching our newborn when we both went back to work, are starting to balk at the idea of having to watch him for more than an hour or two here and there.(case in point i need to get my staples out tomorrow afternoon, and we cant bring baby with us, and D.H. parents are reluctant to watch him even for an hour) Im obviously not happy, because all of us always had the plan that they would babysit on the days me and D.H. are working.
My plan is to go back to work and work an opposite schedule from D.H. so that basically our days off our opposite which would leave one of us home 4 days out of the week, but that still leaves at least 3 days that we need someone to watch him for possibly 7 to 8 hours. When i brought up trying to find childcare months ago, D.H. and Mother-In-Law both said not to worry that she would absolutely be able to help etc. etc.
im basically just pissed/stressed because i have a feeling when it actually comes down to the day i have to go back to work the in laws are going to back out and say they cant watch him at all, and im left screwed. I unfortunately dont have enough mom type connections to reach out to any friends for babysitter suggestions.
i dont like the idea of care.com cause ive heard its a ginormous credit card rip off.. Any mom bees have suggestions for local online services they have had success with?
i know its not their responsibility, but why tell someone for months on end not to worry about it and agree to help out, then when the time comes decide ehh nevermind. I always wanted to have a backup plan for this, but childcare is SO expensive in our area and waitlists are long for almost every single local one.
just venting, cause venting to D.H. about this gets him far to worked up…
Post # 2
I can’t help with childcare suggestions, but surely you can take the baby to get your sutures removed. Darling Husband can look after the baby . You did say “we” have to go tomorrow.
Post # 3
Kslim13 : find a local moms group – they are a great resource! The one I clicked with best was a breastfeeding support group but there are others through your hospital, local library, houses of worship, etc.
Post # 4
Wow that is pretty crazy they just up and changed their mind after the birth. How firmly had they committed to babysitting for you though? Like did you ever talk logistics with them or was it more of a breezy “sure we’d love to help out” but not getting into the details of how that would actually work?
In any event, if you live in a city I recommend finding some local new parent groups on facebook. You might be able to find them through the hospital you delivered at (that is how I found the one I’m in). Then you can ask the ladies on there for resources. I’d be wary of using care.com too for a regular daycare type arrangement…I mean, I’m sure it would probably be fine, but personally I’d just rather find a babysitter or daycare situation that someone I knew had personally vouched for.
Post # 5
Wow, that really stinks. I’m so sorry. I agree that you probably shouldn’t rely on your in-laws to watch baby when you go back to work, and it’s best that you know that now. I would make sure you have other options. Are there any childcare options through work? Can you use a daycare facility? My siblings in different states use daycare, one as an infant now and one as a infant through toddler. They are both really happy, and the toddler is very social and bubbly and just loves going to daycare.
Post # 6
Well, now that you already know there is unpredictablilty with your ILs, I would definitely NOT plan to make them any part of your long term childcare plan, even if they come back with an excuse for their current behaviour.
Join local parenting groups in your town – in my area we have groups based on neighborhoods as well as city-wide groups. You can also look for parenting groups on FB – a lot of people have success from those (although I have personally never tried). Lastly, does your job have forums/mailing lists for general non-work-related questions? You could post asking if anyone has recommendations for a nanny or daycare.
Post # 7
Have they actually SAID that they don’t want to watch the baby while you’re at work anymore? Your post only says they didn’t want to watch him this one time.
Is it possible they’re just worried about it right now because of how young the baby is? Looking after a week old baby can be pretty different from looking after a baby that’s a few months old. Many people don’t leave their babies with anyone for the first few months.
I’d talk to them and figure out what their reasoning is and what their plan is now.
Post # 8
Does your community have a fb page? All of the communities around where I live have a “XYZ mom group” or “xyz mom to mom”, so you can join those and ask for some suggestions.
Post # 9
Kslim13 : I found an amazing part-time nanny on sittercity.com, and she had references of other families she previously and currently babysits for. I live in a rural-ish area, so I didn’t have too many options and was pretty nervous about finding someone. I know those sites aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m so happy with our sitter.
Post # 10
I would say to give care.com a try. I’m a nanny and I get a good amount of work from care.com . Most of my jobs come from friends of the family I’m leaving though. When the families no longer need me they usually make sure to find me a new family to work with so maybe you can reach out to a local daycare and talk to those moms about their former nannies?
Post # 11
That does stink but really, it not their responsibility. You should have had a back up plan. I’m sure you didn’t think they would watch your child until kindergarten did you? Sometimes it’s too much for some grandparents. I was lucky to have both my parents and DH’s parents at the time help watch our 2 kids. But when the 3rd was born, they couldn’t handle it. I would be uncomfortable watching an 8 day old baby for a little while too. Your parents now, take baby with you to get staples out. Darling Husband can handle it.
Plan B, that’s all.
Post # 12
I think people are being harsh. If they were promising and promising for months. WTAF. They can’t even help you to go to the doctor? That’s kind it insane. I guess better now that the day you go back to work.
I say find a local moms group and start asking around.
Post # 13
Perhaps there’s a health issue or something major influencing their change of heart. I could understand them not wanting to commit to 5 days a week, but a day or two shouldn’t be a huge deal.
ETA who exaclty said not to worry about it? I re-read your post….did your Darling Husband convey the message or did you hear it from your in laws directly?
Post # 14
Your husband can take care of the baby while you’re having your staples removed.
It sucks that they said they would watch your baby, but that’s a huge commitment for them. I can’t imagine ask my parents or in-laws to watch my baby 3 days a week.
Assume your in-laws won’t watch your baby and please line up childcare. I agree with local mom groups or care.com.
Post # 15
Bee I went through something very similar but I wasn’t left as high and dry as you. When I was pregnant with my first, my maternal grandma had said that she would watch bubs when I went back to work. We made concrete plans based on that, as in, we were house-hunting at the time and actually limited our search to locations close to our old house (where she will be and is now staying).
Then I think I was in the 3rd trimester when she all of a sudden was like no I don’t think I can do this, it’s too much, why are you putting this on me. But I NEVER asked her. She was the one who was like oh yeah no problem, I took care of your little sister (she’s 13 years younger than me) and this will be just like that.
So yeah even though it sounds from your OP that your in-laws have not actually said “No we will not watch the baby when you go back to work”, I would definitely act as if they’ve already said that. Idk there’s anything you can do other than start calling up daycares ASAP. Oh! Maybe try the NextDoor app for your neighborhood and make a post to see if there are any moms nearby who have recommendations for babysitters or who wants to do a childcare-share arrangement?