- 1 year ago
- Wedding: November 1999
It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with driving.
It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with driving.
You really need to talk to your in laws. There seems to be a lot of assuming going on on your part. Did they actually say they wont babysit 3 days a week when you go back to work? Or are you just assuming that because they seem reluctant to mind your baby tomorrow? You say that they are ‘starting’ to balk at idea of minding your child but you only give one example, and even then you dont say that they refused, just that they seemed reluctant.
Is this the 1st time you have asked them to mimd baby? Perhaps they are just nervous? If it’s not the 1st time perhaps they are worried that you will start taking advantage of them or relying on them too much, expecting them to mind baby everytime you have something on/to do on top of the 3 days a week they have offered (which is a huge commitment). Its time to actually talk to them.
Have they said they are unable to watch him while you go to the doctors? You say they are reluctant but what does that mean? Is it just that they are busy that one day or you didn’t give them enough notice?
It seems like you are making a lot of assumptions and getting yourself stressed out unnecessarily. You and your husband just need to sit down with your inlaws and have a frank discussion about the logistics.
Thanks to the people who recommended the Facebook groups. Im already having some hits from that overnight.
Im reluctant to bring him to the hospital simply because they are germ factories in all honesty. Secondly i wouldnt have an issue dragging him with us, its more my husband is reluctant to drag him along for it. I think hes still in a state of shock that he now has a little human he has to take care of 24/7. Plus I’ll admit my husband is a little bit of a mommas boy…. So theres that.
I only get the feeling now that they are balking because they really just havent been around much when I was in the hospital and when I first came out. Been by the house all of maybe once.
Which yes for me i find a tad concerning since my Mother-In-Law has been non stop talking about how she couldnt wait for him to get here and couldnt wait to do this and that.. And ive seen her all of one time this past entire week….
D.H hates talking about the chilcare thing cause it stresses him out so much, so he shuts down. Thats typically d.h. behavior…
Is that the only reason you think they won’t mind the baby while you go to the hospital? I’m really confused at how you have managed to jump to the conclusion that they won’t watch him this time and they won’t watch him when you are at work.
It doesn’t matter if it stresses your husband out, you all need to sit down and figure this out. You need to know in advance that Mother-In-Law or Father-In-Law are free on X days and will watch baby between X and X. If you take an extra shift or work late you need to know how it works. It is important to treat this in the same way you would with a paid sitter so everyone knows what is expected of them and no one is being taken advantage of.
Secondly i wouldnt have an issue dragging him with us, its more my husband is reluctant to drag him along for it. I think hes still in a state of shock that he now has a little human he has to take care of 24/7.
This is a little concerning, so your husband isn’t worried about germs he just doesn’t want to have to deal with the baby?
Were the plans definite or did they just say something vague about being able to “help out”? You and your husband need to have a clear conversation with them now. These are the days and hours we need childcare. Can you do it or should we find an alternative? Don’t be accusatory. Just clarify.
I would not rely on your inlaws watching the baby at all. Zero. I would look at care.com like others have said, or see if you can maybe find an agency that provides vetted nannies. Around here quite a few churches offer daycare services as well.
Or would it be possible for you to take your 12 weeks, and then your husband take his leave after that while you go back to work? Maybe a daycare spot would open up by then.
Soon2BMrsFredericks : I’m sure you didn’t think they would watch your child until kindergarten did you?
It’s not that unheard of and very common in some cultues. My mother will be providing child care once I go back to work when my son is 1, until he goes to kindergarten. I know a lot of people that had the same arragement. It’s pretty much a given that is what will happen.
Kslim13 : Seems you’re making assumptions right now. You/your husband really need to just bring it up to them and figure out what they are or are not willing to do. While I agree your observations to make it sound like they don’t want to be around, maybe they have reason. Maybe they want to give you some time alone? Or maybe they do want to slowly back out. Dont make any assumptions and just ask them directly.
I would assume that they are going to take their cue from you in terms of being welcomed to come over. If you are actively asking for assistance and they are refusing, that’s one thing. But if they’re just not coming over, they may just be trying to give you guys some space and time to get into a groove on your own without visitors.
I think there’s a big difference between watching a 3+ month old vs a 10 day old, especially if they have only been around your baby once or twice.
If driving is an issue, maybe they could drop you off and pick you up from your appointment so your husband can stay home with the baby.
TBH, I think it’s a little silly that your husband is hesitant to be alone with the baby for an hour during your appointment in the car/waiting room, but you’re aggravated with your inlaws for the same thing, and they’d likely be with the baby for longer.
I will say, the first few weeks with a newborn can be very very rough. Your whole world has been turned upsidedown. At this point it’s merely survival.
I’m glad you’ve already found some hits with Facebook groups. That’s where we found our nanny. I belong to several mommy/nanny FB groups in my area and they can be extremely helpful. I have a few friends that used Care.com but aside from one, they were not satisfied with that website overall. I have heard good things about Sittercity.
Best of luck to you on this journey!
In the meantime, maybe follow up with some of the recs from your FB group so you can have some backup plans in place.
It sounds like you’re feeling stressed and unsupported overall and that it’s maybe not just the grandparents, but the fact that you feel like it’s all on you to come up with the backup plan.
I think you need to have a more formal conversation with your in laws about what they’re willing to do. Don’t pressure them, but let them know you have to make other arrangements if anythings changed. I think there’s still a chance it’s partly because the baby is so new, so it’s possible it hasn’t changed as much as you think.
BUT I also think you need to talk to your husband about stepping up and being more supportive. It’s his baby too and he can’t just be a momma’s boy anymore – he’s got to look after HIS baby’s momma. At the very least he should be taking the lead with sorting childcare out with his parents (with you involved of course). I think it’s good to come up with a backup plan together either way as well.