In-laws during pregnancy (vent)

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

These people would never be allowed in my home ever again. Period.

Absolutly have your Darling Husband tell his mother to cancel the baby shower. And stop worrying about causing rifts, you wouldn’t be the one causing a rift with his family. They are doing that by treating his wife so terribly. Honestly, you need to start standing up for yourself and setting hard boundaries with these people. You are letting them walk all over you and treat you like shit and they certainly won’t change just because you don’t rock the boat or cause drama that just gives them a pass to keep acting this way.

Personally, I would be discussing with my Darling Husband the option of cutting them off until they can make a sincere apology and show that their behavior will change. Oh and I certainly wouldn’t be calling to tell her the gender. 

Post # 3
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

lula0508 :  You need to stand up for yourself. Seriously. You are about to be a mother. Stop letting people push you around. What do you think will happen when the baby is born? It’s only going to get worse, and when your child is old enough to understand all the mean things grandma is saying? You will have a parrot on your hands. Your child will see how others treat you and think it’s ok since you do nothing. 

Its great that your husband stands up for you, but it’s obviously doing nothing to get through. Cancel the shower. Don’t tell them anything and stop inviting them over until they can treat you with respect. Who cares about rocking the boat? Mental health trumps boat rocking. 

Sorry if this came off abrupt.  

Post # 4
Member
2805 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Thank goodness they live out of town!

You must have great self control. I would not have made it though a visit like that silent.

Post # 5
Member
6446 posts
Bee Keeper

lula0508 :  I would maintain my distance from them.  And make sure your Darling Husband is on your side for the remaining pregnancy.  your ILs sound like horrible people and I wouldn’t want to spend any time with them at all.

Post # 7
Member
9580 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

hikingbride :  OP, I agree with all of the advice from hikingbride. especially the crucial first two points: no more hosting abusive people and no baby shower, where you can bet she’s gonna just make you cry.

Post # 8
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee

What the fuck, OP. You are going to be a mother. Stop worrying about what people think, and stand up for yourself. It will be good practice for when these people do the same thing to your child. 

I would just stop seeing them, personally. Let your husband deal with them. 

Oh, and check out DWIL Nation. You are going to need it.

Post # 9
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

lula0508 :  I’m having issues with my in-laws as well. I really don’t have any advice, but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone in all of this. I’ve been perfectly content cutting mine out of my life. My husband is trying to bring them back in the picture which is putting a strain on us. We actually just got in a big argument about it yesterday. I feel for you! I wouldn’t have the patience and self-control you have. I’m to the point where if mine get out of line with me again, I will lay into them. I don’t understand this idea that we have to bow down to our in-laws and let them walk all over us. It will not happen with me! I don’t care who they are! You show disrespect to me, I will give it right back and cut you out of my life. I don’t have time for the BS, drama, and games! Hang in there, hun! Thinking of you!

Post # 10
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

hikingbride : Shoot4theMoon :  I second what these two people said. Don’t allow them in your home again. Your Darling Husband can be the one to tell them (he doesn’t need to tell them NOW, just the next time they plan to come, he can decline). 

Make it clear to them they’re not welcome when the baby is born or during the postpartum phase. You don’t need toxic people in your life. 

Buy some of these, and if you’re feeling super passive aggressive, send some to your Mother-In-Law as a Christmas gift this year too. http://www.boundariesbooks.com/

Post # 11
Member
8056 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

lula0508 :  tell her to go screw. Your husband supports you and sticks up for you so why bother dealing with her? Skip the baby shower and just be done with her for awhile – maybe some space will make her realize that her actions have consequences.

I also firmly believe that your family is who you choose it to be. I don’t keep people in my life just because we share a bloodline, I keep them because we love and care about each other. And for the relatives that are actually just bad people? I don’t bother with them. When my friend asked me to make a guest list for my upcoming baby shower I cut relatives and added a few friends’ moms; those relatives don’t give two shits about me where the friends’ moms love me and are truly happy about this new baby and I have a much closer relationship with them.  Life is too short to waste your time on terrible people that treat you poorly. 

Post # 12
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

I’m in the middle of dealing with this too bee. Darling Husband and I decided on zero contact until his mom learns to respect our boundaries. Mother-In-Law has been causing so much stress, I don’t want any contact with her and don’t respond to her texts and calls, her communication is through my husband which he avoids bc she’s incredibly manipulative. I wouldn’t call them or answer any form of communication when you find out the gender of your baby. Keep it between you and your husband, your IL will know when you both decide. 

Post # 13
Member
775 posts
Busy bee

lula0508 :  You being nice is equaling you being a doormat. I firmly believe in being nice as long as it doesn’t cost me anything but this is costing you emotionally and physically I’m sure since stress isn’t good for you, especially during pregnancy. I think if your hubs wants to see them he can go to them alone, but now way would people that treated me that way be in my child’s life. 

Post # 14
Member
775 posts
Busy bee

Also – my grandma was terrible to me, she played favorites, didn’t like me and wasn’t nice to me and clearly preferred my cousin over me. It led to a lot of long-term self-esteem issues. I think you need to consider that your Mother-In-Law is not a good influence on your baby. I’m sure her behavior to you will bleed over onto your kid. 

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