In-laws during pregnancy (vent)

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

Google DWIL right now (over at Baby Center). She is awful and you HAVE to stand up NOW before the baby comes. Cancel the shower and don’t let her buy you a single thing. And ignore SIL except for comedic relief as you say. 

Post # 17
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Even if you werent pregnant I wouldnt be interested in ever hosting this horrible group of people in my home for anything longer than a family dinner.  Idk about everything els, but I would say the fact that you didnt go postal on these inconsiderate people is a huge kudos to you !!

Post # 18
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lula0508 :  An in-law problem is almost always a husband problem.

You say your Darling Husband 100% stands up for you. I don’t think he does enough. For a start, why on earth did he let them all stay in your house? And why does he let his mother treat you like that? He tells them off – that’s not enough. Given her track record, why didn’t he help get you out of going shopping with her? 

Certainly that should be the last time they stay at your house.

Post # 19
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

lula0508 :  you don’t need extended family to give your baby a happy life. I learned that the hard way. You’ll be your own little family and they will become even more insignificant. I also vote that you go bat shit on them, just because you can. 😉 You also didn’t tell us! Boy or girl??

Post # 20
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

lula0508 :  

I love justnomil on reddit. My Mother-In-Law is evil too (like attack u in the hospital evil) and it helps me. Everyone on there has an evil Mother-In-Law and understands that this isn’t normal and there is nothing u can do to make her stop. They even have advice on how to keep your mom out of the hospital when you give birth.

Post # 21
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m wondering why your husband isn’t saying anything to her.

Post # 22
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Congrats on the baby! How exciting!!

I think your hubs needs to set some boundaries. He sounds like he’s 100% supportive of you. But maybe hosting them at the house isn’t the best idea anymore. Especially with the new baby on the way.

Post # 23
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

These people seem horrendous!!! My mil was causing stress during my pregnancy so I basically refuse to have her over until the baby is born. Im not allowing people to cause me stress, it’s not good for the baby! I feel your pain. Luckily you only have to see them a few times a year. I would decline the shower tho!

Post # 24
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee

aussiemum1248 :  This. Tell her off once, but when she persists your Darling Husband should have told her to leave. If she cries, he needs to walk away. You need some STERN boundaries with this family. Also don’t give any of them any more pregnancy info. Don’t tell them when or where your appointments are, etc. When YOU are ready to give more details, they will get them. But phoning a centre directly or pestering you about it is NOT okay. 

Post # 25
Member
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Honestly, I know it tends to be the trend to pick apart the husband and make it his fault in these types of posts (and sometimes it’s totally deserved) but to me it sounds like he does stand up to his parents and probably would do even more if OP didn’t want to cause waves. He may not be kicking them out or cutting them off because she is telling him not to.

He told her he would cancel the baby shower for her and she told him not to. I guess that made me interpret it that way. She does have to be willing to stand up for herself as well.

Post # 26
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You do realise that if you have a girl, she will be treated as a second-class citizen, and if you have a boy, he’ll be the favourite over any female grandchildren there are (or may be in the future).  Children suffer on both sides of favouritism.  If your baby is a boy, be prepared for demands that she be in the delivery room, demands that you bottle feed so she can help and “bond” with the baby, demands that she be allowed to babysit or have the baby overnight even though you don’t want that, and if you say no to all that, CPS calls because she thinks you’re an unfit parent (groundwork being laid for that by her comments that you and your Darling Husband are not ready to be parents).  

My advice is to stop talking to her.  Certainly no more visits until at least three months after your baby is born, and even then she stays in a hotel and visits for no more than an hour at a time, preferably in a public place, you babywear so she can’t be grabby granny, and you have the car keys so you can leave.  Block her on Facebook and your phone, and let your Darling Husband do all the communication with her.  You have the power here – you have something she wants, she has no power in this situation.  If you do end up seeing her in person before you have the baby, call her out on every nasty comment.  “MIL, why would you say that?”  “DH, did you hear that?  Your mother feels sorry that our child will have to grow up in our house.  We’re leaving now.”  Don’t let her get away with it – don’t be a doormat.

And I agree with the PPs who suggested DWIL – you need it, now.

AND CANCEL THE BABY SHOWER.  RIGHT NOW.

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